


The Night is Darkest Just Before Dawn

by Shadow15



Series: From Dusk to Dawn the Dark is Endless [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Anxiety, Depression, Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 16:43:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 55,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15644799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow15/pseuds/Shadow15
Summary: Quill thought he'd finally gotten his life on track.  After everything he had gone through, he felt he'd come out okay, especially with Thor to make him happy.  But when he gets the worst news of his life, he shatters.  He'd never thought that there could be anything worse than Ego being released back into the community after his sentencing, but the more he finds out, the more he realises the very real possibility that perhaps, the things his nightmares are made out of really could happen, after all.Part two of Hour of Twilight.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second part for Hour of Twilight. If you haven't read it, I do advise you to go back and do so first. This story may be a bit darker than the first one; heads up :)

Quill didn’t think his day could possibly get any worse.  He swore he’d been in a shitty mood since his eyes had opened that morning, agitated further when he’d dragged himself angrily to work to deal with shit client after shit client, just to be told by his boss he was on his last warning for behaviour and sent home early.  So yeah, as he parked his car in his driveway, he was pretty sure his day couldn’t get any worse.

The problem was, every time Quill had ever thought that, life had a funny way of fucking his days up so spectacularly, he’d hide himself away in his room until he was sure an aeroplane couldn’t possibly fall out of the sky and land on the rest of his house as the icing on the cake.  

The tension didn’t leave Quill’s body as he unlocked the front door and stepped inside, but he did feel just a tiny bit lighter emotionally as he closed the door behind him and made his way into the living room to find his boyfriend.  

As expected, Thor was home, and his brother was visiting once again.  

“Hey.” It was the loudness absent from Quill’s tone that told Thor something was wrong, because his lover tended to be obnoxiously noisy, just like himself.  Quill threw himself down on the couch next to Thor and kicked his feet up onto the coffee table. He dropped his head onto Thor’s shoulder and muttered, “What’s on TV…?”

Thor was alarmed, but he did his best not to let it show; he could talk to Quill later in privacy when Loki went home.  He reached between their bodies to hold his boyfriend’s hand and rub his thumb against the back of it. “I am not sure; we have not been watching it.”

Quill hummed.  His reply conveyed his emotional exhaustion as he tiredly murmured, “Can we watch Footloose…?”

Thor didn’t hesitate to turn to his brother and request, “Loki, please put it on for him.”

Loki dropped his ring binder onto Thor’s lap so he could get up and obey.  He heard the two whisper between them, but he didn’t listen in; Quill never stuck his nose into  _ his  _ problems, so he’d return the respect.  

From on the couch, Quill closed his eyes and breathed in Thor’s familiar scent in an effort to calm himself. It didn’t do much to soothe him; if anything, it only made him feel antsier.  He couldn’t think of anything that had set him off to be in such a bad mood, but it wasn’t surprising there probably was no cause; he wouldn’t blame Thor if Thor ever decided to walk out on him because his moods were volatile.  Hell,  _ he’d  _ get sick of himself if he had to put up with  _ his  _ moods every day, too.  

Quill moved closer to Thor at the surge of anxiety from his own thoughts.  He felt his lover squeeze his hand, thankful that Thor would never bring up his problems around company; it was hard enough judging himself over all his problems without feeling as if everyone else judged him, too.  

“Brother, can you help me with this?”  

Quill turned his head to look at Loki sitting at Thor’s other side.  He was pointing to something he’d written down in his notes for his university classes, but Quill didn’t mind; he liked listening to the calmness and stability next to him because it reminded him of what he  _ had  _ now.  

“Oh, I did not take this class, Loki,” Thor said softly.  “Peter did, however. I will ask him to help you with it over the weekend.”

“I’m right here, man,” Quill grumbled.  He pulled away from Thor and got to his feet, but the stiffness in his movements betrayed the casual act he’d attempted; he was stressed, and everyone knew it.  “Shit, let me eat something and then I’ll look at it.”

Loki gave a shy smile as he nodded.  “Thank you, Quill…”

Quill hummed again.  He stomped into the kitchen, but whatever hope he’d had that he’d feel better if he finally ate something vanished when he started slamming all the cupboard doors shut as he found there wasn’t much to snack on unless he cooked a proper meal - which he fucking  _ definitely  _ wasn’t doing at this current moment.  He banged his head against one of the cupboards.  “Fuck it! Fuck this shit!”

“Peter?”

Quill frowned as he turned his head to the entranceway.  He allowed Thor to approach him and wrap him up in his strong arms.  He hated how pathetic he sounded when he mumbled, “We have nothing to eat…”

“We will get delivery,” Thor promised.  He kissed Quill’s temple and tightened his hold.  

“We can’t afford it right now…” Quill whispered.  “I’m about to get fired…”

Thor shook his head.  “You need to eat. It is okay; we will work something out.  Our friends will help us out if we need the money, Peter.”

Quill leaned back into Thor’s arms.  He dropped his head against his lover’s shoulder so their eyes could meet.  “Sorry, man… Just having a shit day…”

They stayed like that in silence, Thor holding Quill tightly as he peppered kisses all over Quill’s face and neck until finally, Quill pulled away.  Thor took hold of his hand instead as he assured, “I will get thai delivered.”

“Thanks…” Quill went to walk back into the living room, but he stopped when he saw the mail sitting on the counter.  He reached out to take it. “Anything for me?”

“Yes.” Thor lowered his voice so Loki wouldn’t overhear from the living room.  “You had treatment at Manhattan Psychiatric Centre, correct?”

“Mhm…  But that was like ten years ago.” Quill couldn’t stop the shake of his hands as he found the letter stamped with said psychiatric hospital’s header; why would they be trying to get in contact with him now?  He wasn’t due to hear back from them for another…

Shit, now that Quill was thinking about it, he wasn’t supposed to hear back from that hospital in his  _ lifetime _ .  His hands trembled harder as his breathing hitched.  

Quill had to ground himself.  He looked around and counted the tiles beneath his feet.  He focused on Thor across from him, talking into the phone.  He counted every syllable Thor spoke. He recalled every new song Loki had downloaded for him last week, but none of it was enough to keep him from feeling as if he were about to faint as he dragged his finger through the top of the envelope so slowly, he swore the sound of ripping paper was deafening him.  

And then, right there in his hands, were words printed on paper that he’d been promised he’d  _ never  _ have to be told.  

“T-thor…”

It was the panic in Quill’s voice that had Thor dropping his phone to the counter so he could hurry over.  

Quill shoved the paper against Thor’s chest as he fell into a panic attack.  The words he had read were imprinted in his mind’s eye. A congratulations on his father’s impending release from the hospital with an appointment time beneath that  _ taunted  _ him with the fact that, according to that letter, Quill was going to have to once again see the man who had single-handedly tortured him almost to death and murdered his mother right in front of him.

Yep.  Just like Quill had always known would happen one day.  Here was the airplane falling on his house, except this time, he was disappointed it hadn’t taken him out.  


	2. Chapter 2

Quill hadn’t wanted to go to that meeting.  He’d jumped up and down and thrown the biggest fit he’d had in his life.  But Thor had insisted, if only to find out the best ways they could go about making sure they would never run into Ego again if he were released.

So here they were, Thor’s mind spinning as he stood on the verandah and watched Loki from afar to make sure he got on the bus safely.  When the front door close behind him, he turned and smiled at Quill. “Are you okay to drive, Peter? Would you like me to drive instead?” 

Quill shook his head.  “I’m fine, dude…” 

Thor sighed.  Quill was indeed not fine, but Quill was stubborn and wouldn’t learn until something happened.  It could be irksome at times - like now, as Thor worried over all the bad things that could occur if he were to allow Quill to drive - but Thor could never find it in him to ever yell; yelling at Quill could  _ never  _ be warranted, no matter what.  “You should not be driving like this, Peter.  You will cause an accident.” 

“I said I’m  _ fine,  _ bro!” Quill hadn’t  _ quite  _ snapped at Thor, but he was getting close to it.  Thor didn’t want to push him too much right now; he could only imagine the turmoil he was experiencing.  “I’m  _ fine _ , so lay off me a bit, man!” 

Thor shook his head.  He opened his mouth to respond, but he didn’t get to chance to when Quill opened the driver side door and put the key in the ignition.  Thor didn’t think anything of it; they both always left the car in neutral with the handbrake up - but apparently not today, because Thor watched in horror as the car shot backwards, knocking Quill to the ground with the door and then slamming into a passing car that hadn’t been quick enough on the brakes.  

Thor made a beeline for the car to get it off the road and back onto their driveway, and once that was out of the way, he came to Quill’s side and sat him up.  He ran his thumb over the split in Quill’s lip as his eyes watched the blood dribble from his lover’s nose. He couldn’t help but scold now that he’d seen he was okay.  “Peter, why would you leave the car in reverse and try to start it without your foot on the clutch?!”

Quill groaned as he rubbed blood away from his mouth.  “I fucking run myself over with the car. I’m a fucking idiot.” 

Things just wouldn’t stop worsening for Quill, and his horrible mood only intensified when he heard someone call out in anger.  Thor must have sensed the oncoming rage building inside Quill, too, as he took him by the hand and pulled him to his feet. 

“Go sit in the passenger seat,” Thor whispered.  “I will drive, and I will deal with this. Do not argue with me, Peter.” 

Quill muttered beneath his breath as he stomped to the other side of his own car.  He threw himself down onto the seat and kicked the dash angrily. Today was going  _ so  _ fantastically, how could he  _ ever  _ want tomorrow to come?  

His teeth grit, and his body shook from such a strong combination of terror and irateness, he thought he would pass out from how frantically his heart was racing.  He wiped more blood away from his nose and mouth as he pulled his knees up and leant against the door. His chin dropped to his chest, but even the pain he felt as he yanked violently at his own hair couldn’t keep him from rocking.  

He couldn’t stop it.  No matter how much he reminded himself it was such a pathetic thing to do, Quill couldn’t stop rocking.  The self-loathing returned at full force, and one of Quill’s hands left his hair in order to claw at his wrist until blood caught underneath his nails.  He couldn’t stop; not even when Thor opened the door to the driver’s seat and sat next to him.

“Peter?” Thor reached out and ever-so-gently pulled Quill’s hand away from his wrist.  “Peter, sweetheart, please do not hurt yourself.” 

Quill gave no verbal response; his rocking only increased.  “...” 

Thor took a deep breath.  He wasn’t sure he’d ever been so worried about Quill, and for the first time, he felt at a loss as to what to do and say.  “Peter… Neither car is too badly damaged… It will go through insurance, so you -”

“Stop talking!” Quill snapped, so suddenly he startled even himself.  “Just leave me alone!” 

Thor didn’t take it personally.  On rare occasions, they’d both snapped at each other from paramount stress.  Quill would apologise when he was feeling better, but for now, Thor had to respect his needs.  He nodded, and started the engine. 

* * *

 

Quill felt deafened by his own footsteps as he walked behind Thor, down the corridor and into some sort of office.  His hand was clasped tightly within Thor’s, but it wasn’t enough to bring him any comfort with what was about to happen.  

“Just in here.” Their guide smiled at them as she gestured to the table with two chairs either side, but still, Quill’s stomach only churned further until he was certain he was going to vomit at any minute.  “We won’t be long.” 

They were left in silence now.  Thor placed his thumb under Quill’s chin and lifted his face so he could kiss his lover’s forehead.  “Peter, I am so sorry for how hard this is for you…” 

Peter pulled his knees to his chest.  He was just so broken, Thor felt his heart break at his lover’s whisper. “He killed my mom…  He killed my mom, and he tried to kill me, too...” 

Thor’s hand ran soothing lines through Quill’s hair.  He truly had no idea how to respond, so all he could do was squeeze Quill’s hand and kiss his forehead again.  “I love you, Peter…” 

Quill sniffed back tears when he heard a group of footsteps coming closer.  He kept his head bowed so he didn’t have to look at the monster who’d taken so much from him - he  _ couldn’t  _ look at Ego because he was certain that if he ever laid eyes on the man’s face again, Quill would just  _ shatter _ .  

“Peter…” Ego’s voice alone was enough for Quill to vomit a little into his mouth.

Quill let out a shout when he felt unwelcome limbs wrap around his forearms in an embrace that felt far too restraining to do anything other than set Quill off into a panic.  He stood so quickly, he knocked his chair aside. He thrashed to get Ego away from him, breaking away from the touch and fleeing to a corner of the room to - hopefully - get as much distance between them as he could.  He still couldn’t look at the man, but his violent rocking told all witnesses everything. 

Thor felt powerless as he watched Quill slip into a panic attack.  He needed so badly to go over there and hold him, but he knew not to; Quill was on edge, and he was liable to break completely at the smallest thing.  He turned to face the police officers accompanying Ego. “Why would you do this to him…? He has suffered enough because of this man!” 

While the officers looked sincerely sympathetic to Quill’s plight, Thor didn’t trust the sadness on Ego’s face.  People like Ego don’t  _ change,  _ especially not after the cruelty his hands had dished out.  People like Ego… only  _ pretend  _ to change, and Thor would  _ never  _ hold even a  _ sliver  _ of trust for him.  

From in his corner, Quill kept his face buried against his knees.  He was trying to listen to what was being said, but it was hard to take everything in when his mind was in flight mode.  He heard the officers, explaining something about parole. Thor argued back, growling out how Quill was supposed to have been notified and never got a chance to object to it.  

Quill whimpered; what if it was too late for him to beg them to  _ never  _ let Ego out?  He’d been  _ promised  _ Ego would never get parole, damnit!  ...He’d been  _ promised _ …  Yet here he was, having the worst day of his fucking life.  

And then, Quill jumped as Thor’s roar echoed throughout the room.  “He is  _ not  _ living with us!” 

Quill gave a howl of despair.  He didn’t care how pathetic he came across as right now; all he could do was whimper desperately, “N-no…!  P-p-please…!  _ He killed my mom! _ ” 

One of the officers knelt before Quill, and with so much sympathy, he murmured, “I’m so sorry; no evidence of a murder was ever found…  That should have been explained to you in prior court proceedings.” 

“He  _ did _ !” Quill howled.  “I  _ watched  _ him kill her!” 

Quill felt no shame whatsoever when he burst into tears at Ego’s soft, convincing voice.  “Peter, I told you; it was just a bad dream you had, son. Your mother has been missing for so long, and I miss her, too…” 

Thor felt bile climb his throat.  Ego was manipulating -  _ convincing  _ \- and he could only imagine how often Ego had toyed with Quill’s head as a child.  He must have twisted Quill’s mind so horribly, and he had no doubt Quill  _ still  _ suffered from so much manipulating - he’d  _ seen  _ him still suffer the damage!  

Thor clenched his hands by his sides.  He bit his lip so hard, blood rolled down his chin.  He had to force himself into stoicness lest he punch Ego over and over and never, ever stop until he was certain Ego could never hurt Quill again - but instead, he swallowed past the golf ball in his  throat and hissed, “Tell parole we will  _ never  _ want him in our lives…  He is  _ not  _ living with us - under  _ any  _ circumstances!”

Quill continued bawling his eyes out when Thor reached out to take his wrist and help him to his feet.  He fled the room at that, needing to escape before he finally succumbed to the suffocating feeling Ego’s presence gave him.  He ran, all the way back to his car where he waited for Thor. 

When Thor joined him, Quill wasn’t the only one crying.  They embraced desperately, the stress of the last two hours taking everything out of them until Thor could only whisper, “Let’s go home and sleep, sweetheart…” 

Quill had no objections, but the problem was, neither of them got any sleep that day - not even for any of the night.  They both just laid wide awake, too consumed by worrisome thoughts to feel any tiredness at all. 

It was their sleepless night Quill blamed his emotional breakdown on when someone knocked on their door the next morning to examine their home and see if it was fit to release Ego into.  As stated in another letter he received a week later, apparently it  _ was  _ suitable accommodation, and Quill wasn’t sure he’d ever cried as much as he had that day in his  _ life _ . 


	3. Chapter 3

Quill had sworn he had gotten over his anxiety of being alone.  When he lived with Yondu, he’d never really been home on his own as Yondu had always organised his work schedule around him, and his friends always kept him company when Yondu would be away. Thor had helped him work on his anxiety, ever so slowly increasing the hours he spent with his own friends without Quill until Quill had learned to adjust to an empty house.

But now, with Thor at the gym with Steve just as he was every Tuesday night, Quill couldn’t help but feel that same anxiety build in his stomach until he wanted to call Thor and ask him to come home early.  

He couldn’t do that, though; it wasn’t fair on Thor to drop everything when he was finally learning how to live and fucking  _ go outside for once in his life _ .  No; Quill was just being selfish.  There was still two weeks before Ego would be coming to live with them, and until those two weeks were up, the man was locked away in a room somewhere in the hospital.  Quill wouldn’t walk into the bathroom and turn the light on to find Ego hiding in his shower with a knife - that would be  _ after  _ the guy moved in with them… 

Quill flinched.  He pulled his phone from his pocket and opened his contacts.  His thumb hovered over Thor’s number as he chewed his lip, internally battling himself over whether or not he should press down and let the call ring through. 

“You’re being a fucking idiot, man…” Quill sighed.  He chewed at his lip, but still he didn’t pull his finger away from the touchscreen.  “Don’t be a fucking baby… He’s going to get sick of holding your fucking hand all the time if you don’t cut the shit, Quill…” 

It wasn’t Quill’s pep talk that had him not making the call in the end; it was a message that came through on his Facebook during his debate.  He was surprised to see it had come from Sif; she’d never really paid him any attention at work, not unless they  _ had  _ to interact.   _ ‘Hey, you want to have some drinks me?’ _

_ Say yes _ ! Quill’s mind screamed.   _ Say yes and get the  _ fuck  _ out of here! _

‘ _ yeh, ok.  thatll b gud.  thnx.’  _ Quill didn’t even think twice about the situation; the longer he stayed in his home by himself, the more his anxiety was only going to continue mounting until he knew he’d do something stupid.  He kicked his blanket off onto the ground and snatched his car keys from the coffee table, and in his great rush, he neglected to turn the TV and all the lights off; he cared only about getting in the car and escaping all the stress his home was now bringing him thanks to Ego.  

The drive to Sif’s wasn’t particularly long, but Quill found himself purposely taking the long ways to clear his head before his arrival.  It worked, and when he parked his car on her driveway half-an-hour later and rang her doorbell, he almost felt  _ okay  _ after everything that had been happening recently.  

“Okay, Quill,” Quill muttered under his breath as he waited for the door to open.  “No anxiety here. No need for anxiety. Everything’s all good, man...”

When Sif answered the door, she was already drunk, or at least close to it.  She grinned at him and stepped out of the way of the door. If Quill wasn’t already so distrusting towards society as a whole, he might have had suspicions about the way her smirk held maliciousness - but really, he thought it was just him being  _ him  _ and reading  _ too  _ deeply into peoples’ intentions with him again.  “Come on in.” 

The anxiety returned as Quill realised now it had only been him Sif had invited over and no one else.  What if she had an ulterior motive? What if she wanted to get him drunk so he’d sleep with her? The realisation that he hadn’t told Thor where he was going made him feel even worse.  Would he hurt Thor by being here? Thor had never told him he couldn’t go see anyone, but Thor still got jealous at times. 

...Maybe he should have texted Thor and asked for permission before he’d responded to her message; he didn’t want Thor to think he was being cheated on.  

Quill swallowed thickly as he nodded at Sif.  His voice was still rather quiet, and the trembling of his hands gave away his anxiety.  “Feels weird seeing someone on a Tuesday again; my friends always do weird things Tuesday nights…” 

Sif’s smirk grew.  “What about Thor? He busy, too?” 

“Yeah, he goes to the gym with his friend on Tuesdays; I thought you already knew that…” Quill followed Sif into the living room.  He dropped himself onto her couch and looked around, but there wasn’t much to see; not even photo frames hanging on the walls. He bit his lip again.  “...He… doesn’t know I’m here…” 

Sif showed teeth with how wide her smirk became, but there was too much running through Quill’s mind to notice it.  “Probably a good thing; he’d tell you no if you asked. He’s always been that over-controlling kind of guy. What do you want to drink?” 

“Anything - something strong.” Quill started scratching his wrist raw again.  He didn’t draw blood this time, but his skin was so irritated from his constant scratching, it looked almost as if it had been burnt.  “Strongest you’ve got.” 

Sif disappeared into the kitchen to return with an armful of liquor bottles.  She spread them out on the coffee table before she went to get two glasses. When he came back, she poured them both drinks and casually conversed, “You haven’t been at work for a while.  You get the boot?”

“Not yet; on suspension for telling a customer they’re a fucking idiot,” Quill muttered.  He took a long gulp when his glass was handed to him, but he wasn’t satisfied with the burn it left in his throat; he needed more, more until he became so drunk, the past  _ month  _ would be nothing but another nightmare to him.  “I’m thinking of quitting.” 

Sif raised her eyebrow.  A mischievous glint entered her eyes, but Quill was oblivious to it.  “You shouldn’t quit; you’re the only one bringing money into your household.  You could lose Thor if you do that. What if he’s only sticking around for your money?”

Quill’s breath caught in his throat.  His mouth went dry as he hands clenched in concern.  Sif was right, and Quill couldn’t risk losing Thor for  _ anything _ .  “...” 

Sif took a swig before she continued.  “I’m just saying… I’ve known Thor longer than you.  He’s never really been the type to settle down. He’s only ever had short-lived flings, and they never worked out because he wasn’t getting as much sex as he wanted out of them.  You know how he is; insatiable appetite and all that. He always wants to go.” 

Quill flinched violently at the dismissive way Sif waved her hand.  He’d never thought about it that way before, but… Thor had  _ never  _ complained about their sexual habits, and the last time they’d  _ had  _ sex was…

Fuck, it was so long ago, Quill couldn’t even remember.  

“Oh, and another thing.” Sif interrupted herself to drink once again.  “Last time we talked, he said he’s never gotten a blowjob out of you.” 

Quill felt panic in his chest now.  He’d never known Thor to talk about their private activities with someone else, but now the question was raised; had Thor been complaining about Quill’s lack of sexual desire compared to Thor’s constant need for sex?  “...I… Thor knows… why that is…” 

Sif rolled her eyes.  “He didn’t tell  _ me  _ why, but I don’t really care.  Just putting it out there for you, Quill, but the guy  _ loves  _ a good blowjob.  When we were in high school, he got caught getting sucked off in an empty classroom.  He’s not gonna want to stick around with you much longer if he can’t even get his dick sucked.” 

Quill dropped his face into his hands.  His life had finally been going along so smoothly; what the  _ fuck  _ had he done so wrong to deserve everything that was happening to him  _ now _ , just when he thought he was  _ finally  _ going to be okay…?  

Sif looked pleased with herself now.  As if she hadn’t said enough, she murmured, “Fandral told me Thor told him he’s starting to get pissed off with you.  He tries all the time to fuck you, and you hardly ever let him. A guy’s got needs, you know?” 

It was true.  Everything she had said was true, so Thor  _ must  _ have been talking about all this at some point.  Quill felt so betrayed, he forewent his glass and instead drank directly from the bottle, drinking all of it in one sitting.  

Their night continued like that; Sif telling Quill things Thor had said that only made Quill want to die.  Reprieve came in the form a knock at the front door, and when Sif went to answer it, Quill took his moment of privacy to wipe at his glistening eyes and hope his tears weren’t about to fall.  Did Thor really hate him  _ that fucking much _ ?  If he did, Thor was one hell of an actor because Quill had honestly believed no one would ever love him as much as Thor did.

...But then again, there was a reason everyone hated Quill; he was just that much of an unlikeable person…  He gulped down the last of the bottle and grabbed another. 

Sif didn’t come back alone.  Behind her were two people Quill hadn’t  _ directly  _ met, but knew the brother of one of them.  If he was correct,  _ Thor  _ knew these two, the sour looking woman who looked like she hated her life, and the older looking man who dressed just as eccentrically as his brother.  

They were here to get alcohol, apparently, as Sif made an exchange of several expensive bottles for cash.  The guests didn’t leave, though. The guy, who Quill was sure was named En Dwi Gast - or, as evidence to his eccentric personality,  _ Grandmaster  _ \- locked eyes with him.  

“Umm, you okay down there?” The Grandmaster bent down with his hands on his knees so he could survey Quill’s sad expression better.  “Umm… Topaz, we should, uh, do something to cheer him up. You think so?” 

The woman accompanying the Grandmaster - Topaz, Quill had heard - rolled her eyes.  “No, I don’t think so.”

The Grandmaster ignored his companion so he could reach into one of the many pockets in his robes.  He hummed to himself as he felt around until finally, he pulled out a small bag. He tossed it into Quill’s lap.  “Uh, you ever smoked before?” 

Quill scrunched his face up.  His first instinct was to toss the baggy away and pretend it had never been given to him - but with the state his emotions were in…  He sneered at the other man as he spat, “No. I haven’t. My father could probably give me lessons on it though,  _ asshole _ .” 

The Grandmaster looked unaffected as he smiled at Quill.  “That there is a, uh, free trial. I have more you could choose from if you’re, um, needing it.  But you’ll have to pay for it.” 

Quill glared down at the baggy in his lap.  He hoped the intensity of his look would set the baggy on fire, but sadly, nothing happened except for him eventually reaching out to open the black bag and see what was inside.  

He knew he shouldn’t, and though he knew he would be breaking Yondu’s heart after all the effort the man had gone through to keep him from ruining his life further with such coping habits, he still found himself Googling how to roll a joint and then borrowing a lighter from Sif. 

* * *

 

When Quill got home, Thor was sitting on the couch waiting for him.  He fell over as soon as he closed the door behind him, and it was his crash that had Thor coming to check on him.  

Thor didn’t hesitate to reach out and pull Quill back to his feet.  He held his lover steady, his nose crinkling at the strong scent he recognised as weed.  “Peter… Where have you been? I have been so worried about you; it’s three am!” 

Quill had never been so drunk.  He pointed to himself as he slurred, “Okay, Quill, tell Thor that you’re…  That you’re fine…” 

Thor hated that the stench clinging to Quill only seemed to get stronger the longer they stood like this.  If he couldn’t get that smell off of Quill, he was never going to be able to sleep. “Peter… Why have you been smoking…?  Where  _ were  _ you, sweetheart?” 

Quill waved a dismissive hand.  “Quill said to tell you… Tell you that Quill was out drinking…  And then one thing lead to another, and Quill -”

Thor jumped back as Quill vomited violently.  He was terrified, not knowing what to think. “Peter…  Baby… Sweetheart, let’s get you into bed… Get you out of these smelly clothes and into something clean.  I’ll wash your face for you.” 

Quill continued slurring nonsense as he was walked through the house and into their bedroom.  The gibberish never stopped, but Thor wasn’t too concerned with trying to decipher it; if he could get Quill into sleep, they could talk about what had happened in the morning.  

Quill had laid down peacefully after he’d been stripped and redressed in fresh pyjamas.  He’d allowed himself to be tucked in, and he murmured more nonsense in appreciation as he enjoyed Thor washing his face off with a wet washcloth.  

Thor had turned the lights off and gotten into bed with him after that, and with every intention of going to sleep, he pulled Quill into his arms to hold him as he did every night.  Tonight, however, Quill broke free of his embrace and rolled him onto his back to hover over him. 

“Want your dick sucked?” Quill slurred.  “It’s been a long time, but dad always said I’m a natural…”

Thor shuddered in uneasiness.  He shook his head. He’d never thought he’d turn down any offer of sex Quill made to him, but he knew what had spurred this on; he’d mentioned Ego, so this was most likely nothing more than an attempt at distracting himself from his pain.  “Baby, go to sleep. We will talk about it in the morning.” 

Quill whined loudly.  “Come oooooooon, Thor~  I’m gooood at it; I prooooomise~  Just ask Ego, kay?” 

Thor grabbed Quill’s shoulders and gently guided him to lay on the mattress beside him.  “Peter, baby, I do not want to do anything with someone who is drunk… If you still want to do this in the morning, I promise we will…  But not when you are drunk.” 

Quill sniffed in annoyance.  “You hate me because I hate having sex with you, and you hate me because I  _ want  _ to have sex with you.  How the hell do I make you  _ happy  _ with me?!” 

“Peter…  Love, I  _ am  _ happy with you.” Thor cupped Quill’s cheek as lovingly as he could.  He leant in to kiss Quill, but Quill pulled away with a facial expression akin to having smelt rotten eggs.  

“I hate kissing you.” Quill pushed away to escape the arms that came back to entangle around him again.  “I hate having body parts in my  _ mouth _ .  It’s disgusting.  Slimy and gross. Don’t kiss me again.  You’re foul.” 

Thor had never been so hurt.  He felt as if he’d been stabbed in the heart with a poisoned blade.  Silent tears rolled down his cheeks as he pulled his arms away and rolled onto his other side so his back was to Quill.  “...” 

Quill continued muttering as he once again got out of bed.  He stumbled only a few steps towards the doorway before he collapsed into a snoring heap. 

Thor hesitated to get out of bed and attend to him.  He considered just draping a blanket over him and leaving him there for the night, but no matter what Quill had said to him, Thor still loved him with all his heart.  He reached down and scooped Quill up, tucking him into bed again. 

For the first time since they’d been together, Thor laid in bed with his back to Quill, crying silently until mercy befell him and he drifted into sleep somewhere around dawn.  


	4. Chapter 4

Quill came to with a throbbing headache.  He groaned loudly and curled into a ball. Most of the night was a blur to him; he remembered Sif telling him about the things Thor had said, and the Grandmaster coming over, but everything after that was nothing but blackness in his mind.  

“Ah, fuck…” Quill groaned again, wondering just how much he’d drank last night.  It had been a long time since he’d attempt to drink himself to death - he’d knocked that shit off when Yondu came home one night and found him surrounded by several dozen empty bottles and vomit everywhere as alcohol poisoning quickly consumed him.  “Fuck fuck fuck fuck… Fuuuuuck…!” 

Thor shifted from beside him.  Quill opened his eyes to look at him, surprised to find Thor still asleep.  Thor never slept long past sunrise, so to see the clock on the wall across from them flash ten-fifty-nine, Quill was concerned.  

Quill winced from his migraine as he reached out to shake Thor awake.  “Thor… Thor…! Babe, wake up!” 

Thor’s eyes fluttered open.  A smile crossed his face as settling his gaze on Quill stoked the usual flip flops in his stomach that looking at his lover always stirred.  He extended his hand to caress his lover’s cheek with his thumb, but when he froze, grimaced and then fidgeted uncomfortably, Quill became alarmed.  “...” 

“What the hell, man…” Quill reached out and grabbed Thor’s hand to drag it back to his face.  He pouted. “You know I like it when you do that; don’t stop!” 

A tiny smile graced Thor’s face as he felt Quill press his cheek into his palm to nuzzle their flesh together.  Thor wanted so badly to cup his lover’s cheeks and kiss him with all the love he had for Quill - but Quill’s words from last night still rang loudly in his head, and he was more uncomfortable now than he’d ever been before.  “...” 

Quill’s pout only deepened.  Playfully, he punched at Thor’s shoulder.  “And my morning kiss? You know I don’t like to start my day without my kiss!” 

Thor sighed.  He pulled his hand away and looked at the curtains behind Quill.  “...”

Quill only continued to grow more afraid.  He licked his lips in anxiety before the took the plunge and pressed their lips together.  Thor kissed back, but it was without any of the passion Thor had never failed to show him any time their mouths connected.  Quill pulled away, unable to keep pretending everything was fine. “Alright, man, what the hell happened last night? My head is pounding and I remember shit.”

Thor shrugged.  He refused to make eye contact now, and still, he didn’t speak.  “...”

“Come on, bro, you’re freaking me out!” The slight increase in Quill’s breathing proved it.  His eyes were a tad wider than usual, and his fingers dug into the bed sheets. The worst-case scenario crossed his mind.  “...I didn’t… I didn’t…  _ cheat  _ on you or anything, did I…?”

Thor’s eyes narrowed, and finally he made eye contact.  His features were annoyed now, and Quill swallowed thickly.  “I do not know… I would hope not… But I have my concerns after the way you treated me last night, Peter…” 

“Thor…” Quill started reaching out to grab at Thor’s sleeve, but he pulled his hand back as he thought better about it; this was unknown territory for him, and he was already uncomfortable with Thor as he was right now.  “...Come on, man; I had a bit to drink! I get…  _ funny  _ if I drink too much…” 

“I do not think you were  _ funny, _ ” Thor muttered.  “Even my brother would never speak to me the way you did - and my brother can be  _ very  _ disrespectful to me.” 

“What did I  _ say _ ?!” Quill snapped.  He felt his eyes brim with tears, but he didn’t let them fall.  “I  _ know  _ I can get a little mean if I drink enough…  But I probably didn’t even mean anything I said!  You’re being an asshole!” 

“Who were you with last night, Peter?” Quill felt fear roll down his spine at the anger in Thor’s voice.  

Quill looked to his lap.  He knew he should have told Thor where he was going last night…  “...”

“Peter.” The agitation only continued to mount in Thor’s voice.  “Answer me, Peter. Who were you with?” 

“Sif, okay!” Peter threw his arms up into the air.  “I was with  _ Sif _ !” 

Thor’s eyes narrowed so much, Quill jumped out of bed and backed away lest his lover attempt to strike him.  Only a handful of times had Quill heard this kind of anger in his voice, but never because of something  _ he’d  _ done.  “I do not want you to see her again, Peter.  Not without me around.” 

“You can’t tell me who I am and aren’t friends with!  Fucking bastard!” 

“Peter!” Never had Thor shouted at Quill, and Quill felt his heart race in panic.  “Peter, Sif is  _ trouble _ !” 

“What, because she tells me what  _ you  _ say about  _ me _ ?!” Quill yelled back.  He missed the look of confusion Thor donned now.  “That’s right; she  _ told  _ me, Thor!  I  _ trusted  _ you!  If you aren’t happy with me, then just - just  _ leave _ !  I’m dealing with enough without having to worry you’re bored of me!” 

“Peter.” Thor had gone quiet again, all trace of anger gone.  Instead, he seemed…  _ scared _ .  “What did she say to you, Peter?” 

“You  _ know  _ what you’ve said to her!” Quill wiped at his eyes.  “Why don’t you ask  _ her _ since you’re both such  _ good  _ buddies!” 

Thor chewed at his lip as he watched Quill storm out of the room.  He leant over and grabbed his phone off the bedside drawers so he could send a text to Sif.   _ ‘WHAT DID YOU SAY TO PETER LAST NIGHT?  WE HAVE JUST HAD OUR FIRST ARGUMENT.’  _

Sif replied back quickly, and Thor  _ swore  _ he could still hear her sly voice echo through his mind.   _ ‘Nothing.  He was ranting to me about how bored of you he is.  Heads up; he’s thinking of breaking up with you.’ _

Thor didn’t believe Sif, and he had a gut feeling he knew  _ exactly  _ what was going on here.   _ ‘CAN YOU COME OVER?  I NEED TO SPEAK TO YOU.’ _

Sure enough, Sif arrived on his doorstep just after twelve.  She looked calm and happy to see him, but Thor had known her so long, he didn’t miss the troublemaking smirk she guised well as a smile.  “Hey, Thor.” 

Thor nodded at her.  He lead her into the living room and sat her down on the couch.  His tone was harsh as he growled, “Peter has locked himself in the bathroom because of you, and he will not come out.  You are going to  _ apologise  _ to him and  _ tell  _ him whatever you said about me is  _ not  _ true.” 

“Okay, so I  _ lied  _ when I told him you have needs he doesn’t fulfill, did I?” It was Sif’s turn to look annoyed.  “I told him the truth; I never lied to him. You want sex, and you don’t get it.” 

Thor frowned.  “...How I was when I was eighteen is  _ not  _ a reflection of who I am today, Sif.  I do not need anything out of Peter except his love, and I have  _ plenty  _ of that.” 

Sif snorted.  “You think you could be happy with him when you can’t even get a  _ blowjob  _ out of him?  You think you’re happy now, but a year down the track you’re going to be  _ miserable  _ with him.  I don’t even know what you see in him, Thor; he’s a moody, obnoxious, self-absorbed asshole with the personality of a cactus, and you deserve  _ so  _ much better than him.” 

The room held a heavy silence as they glared at each other for what could have been an hour.  Finally, Thor growled, “You do not  _ speak  _ of personality when you never cared for who I  _ am  _ as a person and only what I  _ looked  _ like as a person.  I see so much in Peter, but you would  _ never  _ understand it, Sif.  You only ever wanted to sleep with me - I could  _ never  _ be with someone who only cares about the pleasure my body could give them and nothing else.” 

Sif extended her hand and grabbed Thor’s crotch.  She wore a malicious smirk as she squeezed and whispered, “Well, for how unbearable Quill is to be around, he’s damn good in bed.  I’d almost think you only keep him around to fuck - but then I remember; you two  _ don’t  _ fuck.” 

Thor could easily have struck Sif.  He didn’t. But part of him  _ wanted  _ to for the things she said about Quill.  He grit his teeth and backed away from her touch.  “Do not touch me again, and do not speak of Peter again…  In fact, leave our house and never contact me again. Anyone who can say such cruel things about my partner can  _ never  _ be welcomed in my life.  You have lied to him all night, and you have lied to my  _ face _ .  Peter would  _ never  _ sleep with you, drunk or not, because he does not  _ like  _ sex.  We found this out together - and  _ yes,  _ I am  _ fine  _ with it, Sif.  I am with him for  _ more  _ than sex.  I am so saddened I have to explain this to someone I have known for so long…” 

“You just  _ think  _ you’re fine.” Sif stood and wiped imaginary dust off her pants.  “It won’t take long before you get so desperate for sex, you hold him down and force him if you have to.” 

Thor pointed at the doorway.  His voice bellowed so hard, it reverberated off the walls.  “ _ Leave _ !” 

Sif did as ordered, but Thor hurt so badly to know she thought it was funny enough to laugh as she walked out of the front door.  He dropped himself onto the couch in disbelief, not able to understand why someone he had known and trusted since his school days had turned so cruelly on him and Quill.  

Speaking of Quill…  Thor looked around the corner, hoping with all his being that Quill might have come out and overheard what had happened.  

But, as luck would have had it, Quill still seemed to be holed up in the bathroom, and Thor had no idea if he would believe him if he explained what had just happened. 

* * *

 

Quill sighed as he tried to adjust himself into a more comfortable position, but he was finding bathtubs weren’t very comfortable to lay in without warm water to enjoy.  No matter; while Thor was being an asshole, he wasn’t leaving the bathroom. 

Quill’s fingers tapped away at the touchscreen of his phone as he responded to Yondu’s text, glad his foster father was putting aside his work to talk to him about what had happened.  He heard the doorbell ring, but he didn’t care; Thor could get off his ass and go answer it today. ...Like he did every day because Quill was too much of a fucking pussy to see who was knocking…  

_ ‘what if he herts me yondu?’  _  Quill typed with shaking fingers.  _ ‘he yelled at me. im scared of him rite now.’ _

Quill double checked that he’d locked the bathroom door as he waited for Yondu’s reply. When it came, he felt pathetic.  _ ‘Boy, I yell at you too and you ain’t never been scared of me because of it. He loves you, and I would have yelled at you for that as well, boy.  Go make up.’  _

_ ‘can u cum over’,  _ Quill replied. 

_ ‘I’m at work.  Put your big boy  panties on and say sorry to him Petey.’ _

_ ‘y am i apologising when he was the asshole!’  _

_ ‘Because you’re an adult who don’t need their hand held Quill.  I believe in you, boy.’ _

Quill looked at the door again.  He acknowledged he wasn’t innocent in what had happened, but Thor had  _ yelled  _ at him, and he hadn’t even done anything wrong!  

...Okay, he’d done  _ a lot  _ wrong…  But still!  Thor didn’t need to fucking  _ yell  _ over it!  

Quill unlocked his phone once more.   _ ‘k.  if he hits me can u cum over.’ _

_ ‘He won’t hit you Petey,’  _ Yondu promised.   _ ‘And turn your damn autocorrect back on, boy!  I taught you better than that!’ _

A smile graced Quill’s lips.   _ ‘no. no ortocurek.  it suks and takes away my charm.’  _

_ ‘When you can’t spell a word right in front of you, you know it’s time for autocorrect Petey.’  _

Quill laughed.  His body loosened as he stretched out in the bathtub.  His smile never faltered as he climbed out of it, Yondu having picked his mood up.  He felt light as he grabbed the door handle and unlocked it, but his smile was wiped clean off his face when he heard Thor bellow from the living room.  

Quill bit his lip as he hesitantly turned the door handle, and as he crept down the hall, he heard the front door close.  He poked his head around the corner of the living room and peered in warily at Thor, who had dropped himself onto the couch.  “Thor…?” 

Thor gave a tired smile.  He gestured for Quill to come closer.  “Peter, I am sorry I yelled at you…”

Quill shook his head.  He hesitantly got closer until he was sitting tensely next to his lover.  “Don’t worry ‘bout it, man… Who were you yelling at?”

“Sif.” Thor sighed.  “I do not know what she said to you last night, Peter, but she has been lying to us both.  She has always wanted me, but only for sex. She was causing trouble between us to break us up.” 

Quill looked at his lap.  His hands clenched. “...But everything she said, no one but us could have known…” 

Thor cradled Quill’s chin gently.  “Sometimes when people ask about us, I give them tiny bits of information when they do not understand.  Valstagg asked me once about you… He was being crude. I told him we do not have sex - I never told him  _ why.   _ I would  _ never  _ talk about you, Peter…  But I am confident Sif has exaggerated what I’ve said to her in confidence to upset you.” 

“She said you told her I don’t suck you off…  Said you’d hate me if I don’t because someone sucked you off in an empty classroom once…” 

“Peter…” Thor reached out and clasped Quill’s hands tight.  He shook his head. “Peter, I used to be a very immature teenager.  I would sleep with person after person because I always wanted sex.  _ Always _ .  I was...a very different person to who I am today.  But I have greatly matured, and I meant every word when I said it does not matter if we never have sex again; as long as I have your love, you are enough for me.” 

Quill couldn’t trust those words.  The seed of doubt had been planted in his head, and he knew it would only keep blooming until he became so paranoid, he would fuck everything up.  He pushed Thor away. “Bullshit, man… No one deserves to be stuck with  _ me _ …  Sif is right; you’re going to resent me sooner or later.  I’m fuckin’ unloveable…”

“You are  _ not _ ,” Thor said firmly.  “I am so angry someone could make you think such things about yourself…” 

Quill stood.  “ _ Don’t _ .  Just…  Just  _ don’t _ …  I know my worth, and it’s  _ nothing _ …” 

Thor tried to talk sense into Quill, but Quill was gone.  He bypassed the bathroom and this time locked himself away in their bedroom.  He curled up on the bed, but he didn’t try and sleep; he fiddled with his phone, alternating between texting Yondu and Gamora as he listened to his Zune in silence.  

Quill had almost drifted off when he heard his phone chime with a notification from his Facebook.  He grabbed his phone from under his pillow and unlocked it, looking at the notification with bleary eyes.  Sif had tagged him in something, and upon further investigation, it was a status Thor had apparently made an hour ago. When Thor didn’t use his beloved caps lock and instead typed like a normal person, Quill knew he was in a foul mood. 

_ ‘If anyone ever talks to my partner the way he was last night, they will be dealing with me.’  _  The status started.   _ ‘I have just removed a childhood friend from my life for trying to get in between us, and I will not hesitate to choose Peter over anyone else in my life.  Peter means the world to me, and the next person who makes him doubt how much I love him will find my fist in their face.’ _

There were many comments, scattered about on that status, mostly from Thor’s friends.  Loki had had a brief say, chiming in that Thor  _ did  _ love Quill and would never let someone come between them.  Even Yondu had said his piece, threatening anyone who dared upset Quill with the sharp end of an arrow.  

But what really got Quill were the comments Sif was leaving about.  Quill felt so disgusting and dirty as he read them, he wanted to get in the shower and scrub himself raw.  

_ ‘I don’t know why Thor is making such a fuss over this when he doesn’t even want to be with Quill anymore in the first place.’  _ was Sif’s first comment.   _ ‘Not my fault Quill didn’t say no when we fucked last night.  For a rape victim, he fucks really good.’  _

Quill clawed at his wrist, irritating the flesh that had already been scratched raw.  There weren’t many people who Quill let know about such matters, so to have his past plastered all over social media where anyone could see it…  

_ ‘Delete this comment _ .   _ That is not your place to talk about.  Peter has enough happening for him right now without you creating more stress for him.’  _ was Thor’s response to it.  

But it only got worse from there, and Quill wished he’d never let Mantis and Drax talk him into making a stupid Facebook in the first place.  

_ ‘You don’t care about him, Thor.  All you want is something you can fuss over and baby.’  _ Quill flinched at Sif’s words.  Thor always  _ had  _ taken care of him, held his hand perhaps a little  _ too  _ intimately in doing  _ everything  _ for him…  But Quill, with all his limited understanding of romance, had thought it was just the role of doting partner Thor had adopted.  After all, Thor was very similar in that he tended to baby Loki as - o-oh… Perhaps Sif was right…  _ ‘You have a habit of collecting broken things because it’s some sort of sick satisfaction for you to know you’re relied on.  Did you ever tell Quill about Loki?’ _

Quill scrolled far away from that comment until he found the one he’d been tagged in.  His breath caught in his throat.  _ ‘I really hope you’ve been tested, Quill.  Thor lies.’  _

That was it.  Quill found the Facebook settings and deactivated his account.  Now that that was dealt with, he threw his phone onto the ground with more force than was necessary and pulled the blankets over his head.  Sif was a liar, Quill had learnt, but still…

What if everything she had typed out held merit?  What did she mean when she brought Loki up? And the testing comment…?  Thor was clean - they  _ both  _ were!  ...Right…?  

Now that he was thinking about it, he’d taken Thor at face value when Thor had once assured him he didn’t have any diseases…  And Thor had openly admitted to sleeping around when he was younger! What if he hadn’t used protection back then? 

Quill had been treated for chlamydia once as a fucking  _ fourteen year old,  _ spread to him by his own fucking  _ father  _ at  _ who knows how young _ .  That was an experience he never wanted to go through again, so if Thor were to give him something, he’d…! 

...Who was Quill kidding?  If anyone was the disease-ridden piece of shit, it was  _ him _ .  

A knock came at the door.  “Peter? Sweetheart, can I come in?” 

Quill reluctantly pulled himself out of bed to get up and unlock the door.  He was glad Thor didn’t try and touch him; he wasn’t sure he’d be able to deal with it right now.  He went back to the bed to lay down, hearing Thor’s footsteps follow him. 

“Peter, did you block me on Facebook?” Thor’s voice was so gentle - so  _ scared _ , Quill couldn’t help but feel bad; they both had their insecurities, but Thor was usually the better one at hiding them.  

“Nah, man; I deactivated my account,” Quill murmured.  “I saw what Sif was saying about me…” 

“I have blocked her,” Thor promised.  

Quill licked his lips.  “...What was she talking about?  About Loki, and… And the testing…  About you  _ collecting  _ broken things…” 

Thor shook his head.  “You need not concern yourself with such matters; Sif was only trying to create trouble between us.” 

“You’re lying…  Sif was right…” Quill chewed at his lip until it bled.  

“Peter,  _ no _ !” Thor almost begged.  “There is a difference between lying to you, and not explaining things to you.  Some of the stuff she brought up… is  _ personal _ .” 

“Personal for  _ you,  _ or because it’s  _ convenient _ ?” Quill muttered tiredly.  

“Personal for  _ Loki _ .” Thor reached out to stroke Quill’s hair.  “I would never tell anyone your secrets; my brother has my confidence, too, Peter…” 

Quill sighed.  “I’m having trouble trusting you now…” 

Thor looked so heartbroken, Quill was sure he was about to cry.  But instead, Thor nodded stiffly and whispered, “I understand; your trust is very fragile…  I will wait for you to build it back up, sweetheart.” 

Quill nodded.  He  _ wanted  _ to be able to trust Thor again, but after all this, he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to stop doubting Thor


	5. Chapter 5

“Yondu…” 

Yondu looked up from the price tag he had been examining at Quill’s displeased sigh.  He straightened his back to give Quill his full attention. “What’s wrong?” 

Quill scuffed his boot along the carpeted floor and shot a glare at the display couches surrounding him, as if  _ they  _ were the source of his upset.  “...Just… Just stupid Ego… I don’t  _ feel  _ like it’s been two weeks…  Feels like I got cheated out of them both.”

Yondu hummed.  He wasn’t surprised to hear Quill sound so frustrated; the poor thing knew that when he’d get home, he’d be faced with his father - it was why Yondu had asked Quill to come with him to pick out new furniture.  “Thor home with him yet?”

“Not sure; Thor hasn’t texted me…” Quill trailed off.  When a glassy look appeared in his eyes, Yondu knew Ego already had Quill’s mind held hostage.

“You like this one, boy?” Yondu didn’t particularly care for the couch he had gestured to, but it wasn’t about getting Quill’s opinion; it was about keeping Quill in reality and as far away from Ego as possible.

Quill shook his head to clear his thoughts before his eyes trailed over the couch Yondu was pointing to.  He scrunched his nose up, but Yondu wasn’t convinced it was in distaste for the couch. “Not really, Yondu.” 

“I agree.” Yondu moved further into the store, pleased that he seemed to have rescued Quill from Ego’s grasp - for the moment.  He stopped by another couch, one that  _ had _ caught his eye this time.  “What ‘bout this one here?” 

Quill shrugged.  In such a weary tone, he murmured, “Looks okay.  I don’t mind it.”

Yondu cocked his head at Quill.  He knew how stupid it was to ask, but he couldn’t leave Quill to suffer in silence.  “You feelin’ alright, Petey? You’re quiet.” 

Quill sighed.  “I’m just… stressed…  I don’t want to go back home, but I’m scared of leaving Thor alone with  _ him _ …” 

“Hey, Thor ain’t gonna let  _ anyone  _ walk over him ‘cept you and his brother,” Yondu promised.  “He can take care of himself. It’s  _ you  _ I’m worried about.  You gon’ be okay?” 

Quill nodded.  He tried so hard to put on a brave face, but his ghostly paleness betrayed everything he tried to hide behind.  “Just… Thor said it’ll be easiest if we keep things peaceful… Less hostility to stress over, y’know…? He said it was how he got through living with his family…  But I don’t know if I  _ can  _ be peaceful with him, Yondu…” 

“No one could ever expect you to be, boy,” Yondu murmured.  “Not after what he did to you. But Thor is right; don’t make him angry ‘cause who knows what’ll happen if you do.  I know how hard it will be to hear this, but… it will be best if you keep him happy, boy - give him no reason to hurt ya.” 

Quill flinched.  “He didn’t have any reason to do what he did to me when I was little, yet he did anyway, Yondu…  I was… just a  _ kid _ ...” 

Yondu wrapped his arm around Quill’s shoulders and pulled him in close.  “I know, boy… But you understand what I’m sayin’. If they’re lettin’ him out, it’s because they  _ think  _ he’s better.  If he  _ is,  _ well…   _ Hopefully  _ he’s gonn’ keep his hands off you.” 

Quill nodded.  He wandered away a little further to examine another couch as he tried to understand  _ why  _ this was happening to him.  He’d thought Ego would  _ never  _ get out again - yet here they were, pushing Ego onto Quill and all because they needed more beds in the hospital.  It was bullshit because they weren’t even  _ supposed to fucking do that shit!   _ Yet…  Everyone seemed to think it was okay to do it and push it all onto  _ him…   _ As if he  _ hadn’t  _ suffered enough at Ego’s hands…

Quill waved Yondu over in a desperate bid to distract himself.  “I like this one, Yondu. This one looks comfy.” 

“Sit in it, boy.”  Yondu watched, so damn pleased to see a content smile slowly cross Quill’s face as he snuggled in to the black fabric of the couch.  “You like it?” 

Quill nodded.  “This would be comfortable for Thor with his back problems.  You should get this one, Yondu; it’ll be good for him when we visit.” 

“Alright, Petey.  Let’s look at beds.  Ya want a new bed for your old room, too?”  

Quill opened his mouth to respond, to laugh and tell Yondu he knew what the man was implying and his old bed was just fine for fucking in even if it  _ did  _ squeak obnoxiously loud with every movement, but he was distracted by the buzzing in his pocket.  “Sec, Yondu; Thor texted me.” 

Yondu hated more than anything to see the way Quill’s face crumpled in distress as he read the text.  “Everything good, boy?” 

“Yeah, just…” Quill’s shoulders sagged in defeat as he exhaled a sigh, “...Ego’s home now…” 

Yondu felt his hand clench by his side.  He moved it behind his back to hide it from Quill’s view lest Quill pick up on his anger and feel even worse.  “You hungry? We’ll get lunch before I take you home.” 

A tiny smile graced Quill’s face.  His mood just that tiny bit lighter, he held his phone out to show Yondu Thor’s text.  His voice took on a soft, airy tone Yondu recognised as lovesick. “See his little smiley faces he does, Yondu?  I told him once they look stupid in his messages because he always types in capitals - looks like he’s  _ nicely  _ yelling at me.  So he started adding more faces to combat the yelling.” 

Yondu chuckled.  “So you made up with him for your fight?” 

Quill shrugged.  His expression dropped, but he didn’t look outright upset; more that he was uncertain.  “Sort of…? Some things have been a bit awkward between us… I’m trying so hard, but I’m not sure I can trust him again like I used to…” 

“You will,” Yondu promised.  He clapped Quill on the shoulder.  “You’ll get over it. He loves you, Petey.” 

“I love him, too, Yondu.” Quill’s tone was shy now, with a strong undertone of being absolutely smitten beneath it.  “When I told him I don’t know if I like sex after all, I was so scared because I thought he would hate me… But he was so  _ gentle  _ with me, Yondu.  I love his hugs; they’re so warm and I feel so safe with him.  He told me it was okay if we don’t have sex because he will still love me.” 

Yondu had thought he would never hear Peter talk so fondly of another person.  He talked about Gamora and his other friends all the time - lovingly, yet so platonically, Yondu was almost disappointed Quill couldn’t find it in him to feel more than the confused lust he had showed to the wrong people in his recent past.  

But Thor was so different to the people Yondu always had to warn Quill about, and Yondu was just so happy Quill was finally getting the love he deserved.  

“He  _ does  _ love you,” Yondu promised.  “He loves you very much, Petey.  Don’t you ever feel obligated to sleep with someone just because you think you  _ have  _ to.” 

A red tint crossed Quill’s cheeks.  He looked to his feet. “Thor said he thinks I thought I  _ had  _ to have sex so people would like me…  That I thought sex  _ was  _ love…  Is it stupid that I’m still learning about my body, Yondu?  I’m twenty-seven; I should have it all figured out by now…” 

“No, you shouldn’t,” Yondu promised.  “You were robbed of everythin’; you take as long as you need to work things out.  If anyone tells you otherwise, they will deal with me.” 

Quill threw his arms around Yondu’s neck and hugged him tight.  His smile was the most sincere it had been in weeks as he nuzzled his cheek against Yondu’s chest.  “I love you, Yondu.” 

“I love you, too, Petey,” Yondu promised as he returned the embrace.  “I love you, too.” 

* * *

 

Yondu didn’t want to see Quill go home to Ego.  He made that perfectly clear as they sat in Yondu’s SUV, the vehicle idling behind Quill’s own sedan in the driveway.  “If that bastard lays a hand on you, I’m comin’ in, boy. You sure you don’t wanna come stay with me?” 

Quill shook his head.  He grabbed the handle for the door and unlatched it as he muttered, “Don’t worry about it; I’ll be fine…” 

“I still got more furniture comin’ tomorrow; might need your help moving stuff around again.” It was a subtle plea for Quill to be with Yondu again without making him feel as if he were being wrapped in bubble wrap, and Quill appreciated it more than he would ever be capable of expressing.

Quill shrugged.  Bitterly, he spat, “ _ He’s _ not allowed to be left home alone, and  _ I  _ am expected to babysit the fucker…  Can’t even fucking  _ take  _ him with me anywhere unless it’s to see the psychiatrist…”

Yondu growled under his breath.  His hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly, his knuckles went white.  “I’m gonna go in there with you…” 

The whimper that escaped Quill’s throat made him feel more pathetic than he already did.  “D-don’t… I don’t… I don’t want him to hurt you!” 

“You think I like having to worry that he’s hurt  _ you,  _ boy?” Yondu sighed.  Taking his frustration out on Quill would only exacerbate the problem.  “Alright. You make sure you call me if he puts his damn hands on you, Petey.  I’ll  _ kill  _ him!” 

“It’s okay, man; don’t worry about it…” Quill bit his lip.  “Thor’s home; he won’t let anything happen…” 

“Alright, boy.” Yondu wasn’t convinced, but it would only stress Quill further to harass him over something so far out of his control.  “You let me know. I’m here for anythin’ you need, Quill.” 

“Yeah, thanks…” Quill sighed.  He took a deep breath as he leant across the car to give Yondu a hug.  “I’ll call you tonight.” 

“See ya, Quill.” Yondu waited until Quill had gotten out of the car and fished his house key from his pocket.  

Quill took a deep breath as he unlocked the front door.  He slipped inside into the entrance hall and closed it as silently as he could, hoping he could sneak around and find Thor without running into Ego - but of course, life fucking  _ resented  _ him, and he hadn’t even gotten out of the entrance hall before he’d  _ literally  _ run into Ego.

Quill let out a whimper as he bounced off the man’s chest.  His body tensed as he looked anywhere but at his father, trying to find his quickest escape route to get away before anything happened.  “...” 

“Peter, are you okay?” Ego reached out to grab Quill’s wrist and pull him to his feet, but Quill cringed away with wild eyes that glared daggers into Ego before contact could be made.  

“Don’t fuckin’  _ touch  _ me!” Quill snapped.  He felt his breathing quicken into the beginnings of a panic attack as his body  _ burned  _ with the ghosts of touches past.  He backed himself away further until he hit the front door.  He growled and grit his teeth, but still he didn’t try and look at Ego.  “Bastard! Get away from me!” 

Quill didn’t understand why Thor wasn’t coming to the rescue.  Had Ego killed him and buried the body somewhere? Was Thor in a room somewhere, bleeding to death and  _ listening  _ to what was happening?  His  _ mother _ hadn’t died quickly; she’d been conscious for  _ hours,  _ dying so slowly, yet so  _ horribly painfully,  _ and she hadn’t been able to do anything to comfort Quill as he’d laid by her side, holding her hand and  _ screaming  _ in despair as her blood pooled beneath him and  _ bathed  _ him in red.  

Quill’s panic attack hit him hard, yet Thor still hadn’t come to help him.  Quill was right; Ego  _ had  _ done something to Thor, and he was going to get Quill next.  

But then, the sound of the sliding door to the backyard opening and closing caught Quill’s ears.  Through his erratic breathing, he squeaked, “T-thor…!” 

Finally, Thor made his appearance, and Quill hated himself for how stupid he’d been.  Thor was perfectly fine, his new sketchbook tucked beneath his arm as he came to help Quill to his feet.  Quill heard him talking to him, trying to get him through his panic attack. Ego was still there, watching with a look in his eyes Quill was too scared to try and decipher.  

Quill allowed himself to be lead into the living room and sat on the couch.  Faintly, the sound of the TV playing reached his ears. Ego wasn’t with them, and it was just Quill and Thor.  Slowly, ever so slowly, Quill’s breathing eased until he was a panting, clammy mess. 

“Peter…” Thor tucked stray strands of brunet behind Quill’s ear.  “How are you feeling?” 

“F-fine…” Quill grimaced as he tried to stop the tremors his body was making.  “...I… I’m s-sorry, man, I just…” 

“Do not apologise,” Thor whispered.  He tilted Quill’s chin up so they could look at each other better.  “You have nothing to apologise for. You are frightened; you have good reason to be.” 

Quill nodded.  He felt nauseous now, and to try and clear his mind, he knocked his hand against Thor’s sketchbook and whispered, “What were you d-drawing…?” 

Thor smiled gently as he opened his sketchbook to show Quill.  “Rabbit, mostly. But there were beautiful birds in the trees today, Peter.  I threw bread into the yard and put seed in the bird feeder for them.” 

Quill shuffled closer to Thor so he could curl up under his lover’s arm and against his side.  He smiled as he slowly turned page after page to look at all the sketches. He tilted his head back to kiss Thor’s chin and whisper, “You are so sweet…” 

Thor beamed.  He caressed Quill’s cheek with his thumb before he leant down and kissed him with so much love, he felt his brain fizzle.  Part of him was nervous about kissing Quill so intimately these days; the words his lover had spat at him that night still echoed through his mind.  Quill never seemed to be disgusted in his kisses, though, so he did his best to convince himself it had just been Quill taking drunken anger for Ego out on him. 

Some days, however, it wasn’t so easy to believe his own thoughts.  

* * *

 

Quill had avoided Ego for the rest of the day by locking himself in his bedroom, but when he emerged to make dinner, he’d never felt so awkward in his own home.  As he stood at the stove and watched his spaghetti sauce cook, Ego was free to wander in and out at any time he wanted. Quill wished so badly he’d thought to ask Thor if he could deadbolt the kitchen door as well when they’d gone and bought looks for the bedrooms and bathrooms.  

It wouldn’t have been so bad if Thor was with him, but Thor was somewhere around the house, having been fixing a hinge on one of the doors Rocket had broken.  Quill hadn’t heard the telltale sounds of a handyman for a while now, and he couldn’t keep the familiar anxiety away. 

Quill sighed as he stirred the spaghetti sauce absentmindedly.  He didn’t want to think about how dinner was going to go with Ego there, so he put the food onto a simmer and left to feed Rocket instead to distract himself.  

Thor found him as he was placing fruit pieces throughout Rocket’s dog kibble.  Quill let out a relaxed sigh as the man’s arms wrapped around him from behind and held him close.  His body shivered in desire when Thor’s hot breath billowed over the nape of his neck. He craned his head back to look at Thor.  

“Think you’ll be in the mood tonight?” Quill kissed the corner of Thor’s lips, not even sure  _ why  _ he was asking when by all means the very  _ thought  _ of being so near to Ego should have killed all sex drive he had left.  

Thor hummed in appreciation as his grip tightened on Quill.  “Perhaps~ Will you be?” 

“There’s a good chance.” Quill’s hand reached up to brush Thor’s bangs out of his face.  “You always relax me when we make love.” 

Thor chuckled.  He nibbled at the exposed flesh of Quill’s neck as he felt his pants tighten.  “I would enjoy relaxing you many times throughout your day… Get down on my knees and swallow you whole…  Lay you down in our bed and open you up with my tongue... But as always, I leave it to you to come to me for…  _ relaxing _ …”     

Quill’s skin prickled with desire.  He closed his eyes and mumbled beneath his breath.  “I’m cooking… You can’t tell me this when I  _ don’t  _ have the stove turned on?” 

Thor chuckled.  He nipped at Quill’s shoulder before he released his lover and let him go back to the stove.  He followed behind Quill so he could wrap his arms around Quill’s chest and hold him tight to his own front as Quill contently stirred at the sauce.  He rested his face against the back of Quill’s head so he could smell the scent of coconut their shampoo had left behind. 

Thor sighed in absolute bliss as he squeezed a tad tighter.  “I love you, Peter~ You are so perfect… So beautiful and amazing and loving…  I love you so much~” 

Quill relaxed into his lover’s arms.  He allowed his head to rest against Thor’s shoulder, and he turned it to the side when he felt warm kisses trailing their way down from his temple and along his neck.  He groaned softly at the loving sucks Thor made against his flesh. He closed his eyes and focused on the sensations, enjoying the way his skin prickled in desire at his lover’s hot breath billowing so intimately against him.  He groaned the other’s name. 

Thor smiled.  He rubbed the tip of his nose against the crevice of Quill’s neck and shoulder.  Suggestively, he murmured, “Ego is asleep, sweetheart… If you want to… But I am so happy being allowed to hold you so lovingly...” 

Quill hummed in appreciation.  His breathing quickened when he felt teeth nibbling at his neck.  He gasped out, “W-what… would you do to me… if I said yes to you right now…?” 

“Hmm?” Thor’s teeth bit down with just a little more force now.  He licked at the worried flesh in apologetic appreciation before he responded.  “Why… I would ask you to sit on the bed for me… Ask you if it is okay for me to take your mouth so gently…  Watch as you suck on me… Lick me... Ungh… I would… lay you on your back… Spread you open… And give you all the pleasure I can…” 

Quill moaned.  He turned around to take Thor’s mouth with his own.  

Their tongues danced together so deeply, Quill felt breathless when Thor finally pulled away to nip at his throat.  Quill’s hands reached up to squeeze Thor’s shoulders, to hold on for dear life when he felt those huge hands grab him by the hips and lift him up to sit him on the counter.  Thor pressed their mouths together once more, so deeply, Quill felt dizzy. 

Thor’s need was pressed against the inside of Quill’s thigh.  Quill moaned when he took notice of it. He lowered one of his hands from Thor’s shoulders to caress down the man’s front and stop just above the prominent bulge in Thor’s jeans.  He pulled his mouth away, and with eyes full of lust, he whispered, “Come here, baby~” 

Thor moaned.  He moved closer and pulled Quill’s hips forward to close the distance.  Their arousals rested together as Thor insisted on holding Quill’s mouth captive with his own.  He rocked his hips slowly, ever so slowly against Quill’s as his hands wandered all over Quill’s body above his clothing, pulling him closer until their bodies were flush against each other.  

They broke apart when Quill grabbed Thor’s hand and guided it to rest against his own bulge.  His hands clumsily undid his belt to make room for the intrusion, and when he felt a warm hand wrap around his heated flesh, he hummed in appreciation.  “Thor… Oh, god, Thor… Mm, yes...” 

Thor groaned as he stroked Quill in time with his slow thrusts against Quill’s thigh.  “Peter… Oh, Peter…” 

Quill closed his eyes as a soft moan escaped him.  He reached out to drag his fingertips against the front of Thor’s jeans.  He whimpered in pleasure at the spark of sensation when the tips of Thor’s own fingers ghosted along his lower back, over his flesh, and dipped into the back of his pants to rub circles just above his rear.  “Ah, yeah… Mmm…” 

Thor kissed the tip of Quill’s nose before he pulled his hand from the back of Quill’s pants to cup his face.  His stomach did somersaults as he stared into Quill’s foggy eyes. His voice was breathless. “You are… so…  _ beautiful _ , Peter…  So,  _ so  _ beautiful…  The most beautiful thing I have ever seen…  It pains me so badly to know you may never believe me when I tell you this…  I wish so much for you to see yourself through my eyes, Peter… You are so much more beautiful than you  _ think  _ you are…” 

Quill hummed.  He leant into the palm still holding his cheek.  “Nah…  _ You’re  _ gorgeous, man…  I don’t know how I ever had a chance with you…” 

Thor chuckled.  “I worried the same…  That I would never be able to earn your trust and respect…  But here we are…” 

Thor pressed their mouths together again to continue kissing Quill.  They both had hands in the other’s pants by now, stroking each other to their orgasms, their kisses never relenting until they each moaned into the other’s mouths with their climaxes.  Thor’s hands were on Quill’s shoulders now, holding firmly as he tried to catch his breath. They stared into each other’s eyes as they panted until finally, Quill found the initiative to ask, “Did you turn the stove off?”

Thor grinned as he nodded.  He kissed Quill’s forehead sweetly before he pulled away, and with all his puppy-dog likeness, he cocked his head to the side and joked, “Do I have time to shower before dinner will be ready?  You may join me if you wish~” 

Quill chuckled.  He shook his head.  “Dinner’s ready, man.  I’m washing my hands and changing my pants and then dishing it up.” 

Thor kissed Quill again, ever-so-sweetly as he murmured, “Let Ego sleep.  We will eat, and then I will wake him once you have had your fill.” 

Quill understood the unspoken concern; his appetite had diminished so terribly, the weight he had lost in just two weeks would have had a doctor in terror.  Thor wanted him to eat - however little it would be - and Quill couldn’t refuse him; he was only worried, after all. 

Quill took Thor’s hand and squeezed it tight.  “Help me write this stupid report for work after dinner…?” 

Thor visibly relaxed now.  He nodded, and he spoke in such a soft voice, Quill couldn’t possibly feel in danger.  “I am only  _ your  _ human autocorrect, Peter~”

Quill laughed.  “It’s okay; I’ll be your calculator in return.” 

They shared a final kiss before Thor finally departed and left Quill to wash his hands thoroughly.  Thor was true to his word; he waited until Quill had finally pushed away his bowl in displeasure after nibbling only at a couple of mouthfuls before he woke Ego.  While Ego ate in the kitchen, Thor laid in bed with Quill and helped him with his report for work. 

It came as no surprise that Quill had wanted to go to bed  _ far  _ too early for Thor to not be worried over, but it didn’t seem to matter because, no matter how hard they tried, Quill just couldn’t sleep.  


	6. Chapter 6

When Loki had shown up to their house unexpectedly, Quill knew Thor was going to be in a bad mood for the rest of the day.  On the outside, Thor looked as calm and gentle as he always did, but Quill still saw the anger in his eyes at the way Ego kept looking at Loki. 

“Loki, please wear a jacket; it is cold.” Quill also knew just how hard it was for Thor to not punch  Ego as hard as he could in the face and instead try to diffuse the situation as passively as possible.  Quill wondered if Thor would punch Ego later when Loki was gone and Quill wasn’t in the room to witness because he couldn’t picture Thor letting someone eye-fuck his vulnerable brother slide so easily.  

“But it’s  _ not  _ cold.” Loki looked confused, and Quill was relieved for his innocence; oh, how nice it must be to have never been conditioned to expect violent sexual encounters forced on him at every turn… 

“Loki.” It was the rare, stern tone that only ever came about when Thor didn’t want any arguments out of Loki that had his brother looking more confused.  “Do as you are told, please.” 

“Here.” Quill shrugged his jacket off and handed it to Loki.  He shuddered as his own scarred flesh was now visible for everyone to see, and oh  _ fuck,  _ how desperately he wanted his jacket back already… 

Thor looked appreciative as he helped Loki don the jacket.  He ignored Loki’s annoyed mutters that he could dress himself without needing his brother’s help and didn’t relent until he was satisfied that anything a disgusting pedophile could get off on had been covered. 

Finally, with that out of the way, Thor announced, “Loki wants me to go with him to the mall.  Is that okay, Peter?” 

Quill was just thankful Thor was amazing at keeping secrets and covered up every time he needed to; he wasn’t sure he could have dealt with Thor spilling the beans to his brother because the last thing he needed was for Loki to judge him over everything that had happened to him at Ego’s hands.  He nodded, but the grim expression on his face conveyed how terribly he wanted to say no. “Yeah, man… You need the car?” 

“We like the bus, Peter,” Thor said gently.  Quill couldn’t help but wonder if Thor’s motive was to leave behind an escape for Quill if it were needed.  

Loki sat next to Quill on the couch now.  His eyes glanced across Quill’s bared body, having never seen him without a jacket. Now that he was seeing him without one, and was being so  _ cruel  _ to cringe at the burns and scars that littered the man’s arms, Loki understood why Quill always wore his favourite jacket even when it was hot out.  “Why are you so…  _ scarred?”  _

Quill’s jaw dropped, but Thor sprang into action. He smacked Loki’s hand like a disobedient child insistent on reaching into the forbidden cookie jar as he scolded, “He does not interrogate  _ you _ , Loki!” 

Quill’s eyes flickered to Ego, and he swore he saw a ghost of a smirk flutter across his face. His grimace deepened. “...”

“Don’t be so hard on the boy,” Ego murmured.  From where he sat opposite Quill and Loki, he waved his hand in their direction.  “He was merely curious.” 

Thor’s jaw went taut. Quill almost thought his lover wasn’t going to answer and instead grind his teeth, but finally, Thor forced out with such forced kindness, Quill felt sorry for the guy; Thor’s overly-forgiving nature often caused him far more pain than it healed, and now was no exception. “He is  _ my  _ brother and I will scold him as I see fit. I thank you for your concern, but I feel I have dealt with the situation appropriately.” 

Quill had to give Thor credit.  It had always been a one-way ticket to being punched in the face when it came to involving Loki in shit, but just to spare everyone the stress, Thor reigned in the angry emotions he had always struggled with the most and tried to stay calm.  For the first time since seeing his father again, Quill finally found the strength to speak to Ego - no matter how  _ pathetically  _ it was.  “He… He’ll deal with  _ his  _ brother how  _ he  _ wants…” 

Thor couldn’t help but smile at Quill; Quill was always so supportive of him, and he didn’t care that his friends often warned him they were both  _ too _ ‘cock-whipped’ with each other; all that mattered was how much they were loved.  He took Loki’s hand and got to his feet. As calmly as he could, he turned his attention back to Ego, so  _ so  _ desperate to not piss him off and have to leave Quill alone to deal with it.  “I have raised my brother on my own since I myself was a teenager; I know best how to discipline him when it is required.” 

The way Ego could converse back with Thor so fucking  _ sweetly  _ made Quill want to vomit.  Ego wasn’t  _ sweet _ ; he was the fucking real-life equivalent of Freddy Krueger, minus the goddamn dreams!  “I understand. I’m sorry for speaking out of turn; it’s not my place to put my nose into family matters.  I shouldn’t have said anything.” 

“All is forgiven…” Thor mumbled.  Quill knew it was anything  _ but  _ forgiven.  “Loki, are you ready to go?” 

Loki, who didn’t look any less confused than when he had walked in to find the three of them in the living room in tense silence half-an-hour ago, nodded.  He frowned at the way Quill seemed to be curling in on himself, and hesitantly, he asked, “Do you want your jacket back, Quill…? I’m really not cold.” 

Bile climbed Quill’s throat as he shook his head.  Loki was worth  _ so much more  _ than  _ he  _ was, so much more deserving of protection from the monster across from them, he  _ had  _ to protect him, to spare him the same agony Quill was forever going to have to live with.  “Nah… You keep it - in case it gets cold…” 

Thor was torn between leaving and staying, unable to work out who needed his presence more, but Quill had insisted he go and spend the day with Loki.  It didn’t soothe his concerns at all, but what could he do? Quill was trying so hard to be strong and independent in such a dark chapter of his life, Thor couldn’t possibly coax him back into extreme dependency.  

So, as Thor closed the front door behind him and his brother, Quill felt as if he were frozen on the couch.  He tried to swallow, but his throat felt as if it had seized up. His heart raced erratically as his body trembled, and the words on the laptop he had been so focused on were now blurrier than ever.  

And then, it happened.

“Look at those disgusting marks on your neck.” 

Quill’s body seemed to unfreeze at those words so he could shrink into himself like a turtle and try to pull his collar higher to hide the love bites Thor left behind on him every night.  He looked anywhere but into Ego’s eyes as the man’s only-too-familiar tone left behind a kind of self-loathing he hadn’t felt in  _ years _ \- a self-loathing on such a tremendous scale, Quill wondered how easy it would be to choke himself to death here and now.  “...” 

Ego stood up.  He ignored Quill’s cowering so he could sit next to his son, so close, Quill’s skin burned with disgust.  His fingertips reached out to ghost against one of the bruises. “Such high-school silliness,  _ this _ .  I’d have thought you would have grown out of such childish mannerisms by now.  Looks like I didn’t teach you well enough, son.” 

Quill kept his eyes scrunched shut as tight as he could as he did his best to ground himself, but no matter how hard he tried, all he could focus on was Ego and his voice.  “...S-sorry…” 

Ego smiled.  Not smirked. Not grinned.  Just…  _ smiled _ .  As if he were thanking for the cashier for her assistance at the store.  He changed the subject now. “The boy who was just here… Was that your boyfriend’s little brother?” 

Quill gave a stiff nod, too scared to give no response in case the other attacked him for it.  “...” 

Ego waved a dismissive hand.  “What a rude, intrusive little shit he was.  I wanted to grab him by the neck and  _ stomp  _ some respect into him.  Your boyfriend needs to take his fists and boots to him - beat him into shape.” 

The bile rose in Quill’s throat as memories of Ego doing exactly that rose to the surface.  He couldn’t speak past the lump in his throat even if he wanted to. “...” 

Ego ignored Quill’s silence and reached out to take the lid of the laptop to turn it around so he could see what Quill was doing.  He tutted in disapproval, and Quill couldn’t understand  _ why  _ his heart was sinking so much in disappointment.  “No wonder you have such filth littered all over your neck; you  _ are  _ stuck in your teenage years, Peter.  You’re writing up a formal report, yet I have seen  _ toddlers  _ construct better writings.  Whoever gave you a job has shit for brains - especially if they’re keeping you on board when your spelling is worse than a first-grader’s.”

Quill’s stomach dropped.  He cracked open an eye so he could try and snatch his laptop back, but Ego wouldn’t allow him to.  He felt his cheeks burn in shame, so incredibly embarrassed, he may as well have just had his pants fall off in public.  “...”

“Are you dyslexic, Peter?” Ego sounded so sympathetic in this moment, but Quill knew not to buy it; Ego had always known  _ exactly  _ how to manipulate his emotions, and that was what he was trying to do here as well.  “From what I can gather, you’re talking about a spokesperson in your report - not a  _ spacepursen  _ as you’ve written here.  And such poor grammatical skills, you can’t even capitalise  _ I _ .  Oh, Peter…  Peter, Peter, Peter…”

Quill couldn’t stop himself from snapping back.  “I’m  _ not  _ dyslexic; I can’t fucking  _ do  _ words because I never even  _ saw  _ any until I went to live with Yondu!” 

“Yet you work with  _ numbers,  _ and you never had any of  _ those,  _ either - not unless you used to count all the bruises I gave you for being a little  _ bastard _ .” Ego shook his head in disappointment.  “Such a shame… All the money that went into getting you that degree…  What a waste… Do not hand this to your boss, Peter; I don’t want you to embarrass yourself when you get laughed at.” 

Quill’s cheeks flushed darker.  He finally pulled his laptop free from Ego’s grip and slammed the lid shut on it.  It was true he couldn’t understand written words to save his own life. He was forever asking people to help him with all his work to fix what he couldn’t spell, and asking Thor what certain words were and  _ meant _ when he had to read something that somebody else had written.  

...But everyone had always told him that aside from his poor grammar and spelling skills - which, evidently, could  _ never  _ be his fault - he  _ did  _ write very well when it had been cleaned up properly.  

Quill chewed at his lip as he hesitantly opened the laptop lid again and highlighted the document that he’d spent the last week on and now only had left to fix his spelling.  He burned with embarrassment as he hit delete and was greeted with a blank document that made him want to cry when he thought about how hard he had worked on completing it. Ego was right, though; he couldn’t hand this in or he’d be more of a laughing stock than he already  _ was _ !  

Quill felt Ego’s eyes watch his every movement as he pulled his phone from his pocket and texted his boss to ask for more time on the report.  He should have expected the reply he got back - in perfect English, to only make Quill more ashamed of himself.  _ ‘If the report isn’t on my desk by tomorrow morning, I’m firing you.  You’ve been nothing but trouble since I hired you.’  _

Ego smiled that almost  _ normal  _ smile at Quill’s crestfallen expression.  His voice turned into a coo, and Quill wanted so fucking badly to hit him in the face.  “It’s okay, Peter~ I know everyone always leaves you in the end, but  _ I  _ never left you, did I?  I got… taken  _ away  _ from you, but it’s okay now; even when your boyfriend finally leaves you, you’re always going to have  _ me _ ~  It’s what your  _ mother  _ would have wanted, Peter.” 

Quill couldn’t hold back the vomit now.  He shoved the laptop onto the couch as he crouched down on the ground, finally expelling everything that had been wanting to come up since Ego had been here.  

Ego was a fucking monster.  A vile, manipulating,  _ evil  _ monster who wanted nothing more than to break Quill down as far as he could.  ...But Ego was also a  _ smart  _ monster who  _ knew how _ to exploit, and it terrified Quill to no end to think that Ego could possibly gain his friends’ trust and turn everyone against him.  

But even more than that; what if Ego… never  _ had  _ manipulated him -  _ ever  _ \- and everything he had told Quill had been the truth?  What if Quill  _ was  _ crazy and his mother had never been murdered by Ego?  What if he was just so crazy, his mind had made it all up?  Ego had told him that -  _ so many times,  _ Quill couldn’t help but ponder if there  _ was  _ truth to it.  

But the worst thing was, what if Ego… really  _ did  _ love Quill, and Quill was overreacting to everything Ego had ever done to him in his deep disappointment of how much of a failure his son had turned out to be? 

Quill wasn’t sure he’d ever vomited as hard as he was right now.  All he wanted was for Thor to come home and hold him close, but Thor was gone - and apparently, since two people now had raised the issue with Quill…  

What if Thor never came back? 

* * *

 

Quill turned his car off in his driveway and sighed.  Ego had been sleeping when Quill had snuck out, hoping he’d be back before Thor got home - but of course, the bus just  _ had  _ to have pulled up at the kerb when Quill had entered the driveway.  

“Fucking hell…” Quill patted his pockets to make sure he’d left nothing behind for Thor to find.  He exited the car, wondering if he could get inside and pretend he’d never left before Thor saw him - but of course, the guy just  _ had  _ to have fucking called out to him.  He found himself scowling. “Hey, man…” 

Quill could see from Thor’s features that he knew something was wrong - he just wasn’t saying it, and Quill didn’t understand  _ why  _ he found himself resenting Thor for it.  Thor went to wrap his arms around Quill, but he pulled back when Quill cringed away from his touch.  Still, he said nothing about the strange behaviour. “Stark called me while I was on the bus. He wants me to look after Peter and Loki for a few hours.  May I borrow your car?” 

“Yeah, sure…” Quill truly didn’t mind handing his keys over, but it wasn’t until Thor’s thick fingers had closed around them and started pulling them away did Quill realise he  _ didn’t  _ have everything on him.  He yelped so suddenly, Thor jumped in surprise when he felt the keys being pulled away from him.  “ _ Wait! _ ” 

Thor raised his eyebrow.  His mouth opened, but it closed again in silence, as if he’d thought better of it.  Instead, he pulled the keys back to himself and held them tight in a fist as Quill  _ clawed  _ at him to take them back.  Finally, he spoke what was on his mind, in a tone so soft, Quill felt like he was going to vomit again.  “What are you hiding from me, Peter…?” 

“Nothing!” The high-pitched tone Quill squeaked in only worsened Thor’s fears that something terrible was going on that he didn’t know about.  

Thor gently moved Quill to the side so he could move to the driver’s side door.  When Quill threw himself between Thor and the car, he  _ knew  _ he was in for heartbreak.  “Peter. You can tell me what you are hiding in there  _ \- right now -  _ or I will move you aside and look for myself.  You have a choice.” 

“No, there’s nothing in there!  I just don’t want you driving it!” Quill was getting so loud from desperation, Thor wasn’t surprised to see outside lights come on from several of the neighbours.  “Stop it, man! I hate you!” 

Thor grit his teeth.  He raised his arm in the air to hold the keys out of Quill’s reach so he could unlock the the car with the fob.  Quill turned around and tried to dive inside, but Thor wasn’t going to let him; there was so much he’d always let Quill get away with, but emotions were running high between everyone thanks to Ego’s presence, and he wasn’t in the mood for letting things be swept under the rug.  

Quill’s shouting when Thor grabbed him and pulled him away from the car no doubt disturbed the rest of the neighbours, so when Quill started thrashing in Thor’s arms as if he were about to be murdered, Thor’s heart raced; what if someone thought he was  _ assaulting  _ Quill and the cops were called?  

Thor almost could have let it go and forgot Quill had ever tried hiding something from him, but that was  _ before  _ he felt a fist strike him in the face.  His eyes narrowed and he grit his teeth as old survival instincts returned to the surface and spurred him on to grab Quill’s wrist so tightly, there was going to be damage.  His hand curled into a fist and his elbow pulled back to return the blow tenfold, but Quill’s terrified pleading snapped him out of it. 

“Thor, please…  Please… Please…”  Quill sounded so defeated now, Thor didn’t let himself think about the blood dribbling down his chin so he could instead cup Quill’s cheek tenderly.  Quill hadn’t meant to hit him, Thor knew; he was just  _ scared _ , and he didn’t deserve to be treated so coldly just because Thor didn’t understand what was going on.  

“What is in that car, Peter?” Thor’s voice was barely above a whisper.

Quill struggled with himself before he wrapped his arms around his chest and stepped back, staring at his feet.  Thor knew he had finally given up on trying to hide things and instead was accepting his fate. “...Please don’t leave me, Thor…” 

Thor didn’t respond - he  _ couldn’t _ .  What if he’d promised not to, and then he found someone’s  _ underwear  _ in there?  He took a deep breath as he finally leaned into the car to search around.  

“Oh, Peter…” Thor’s heart sunk when he found what he was looking for, a bag tucked away in one of the compartments out of his eyesight.  When he looked inside, all he wanted to do was hold Quill forever and promise him everything was going to be okay. 

Quill flinched when the bag was held out in front of him.  He wouldn’t look at it or Thor when he heard his lover pulling what was hidden out from it to show him.  He licked his lips. “...” 

“Why would you buy this, Peter…?” Thor’s hands trembled just  _ holding  _ the baggies.  “I… How long has this been going on for…?” 

Quill licked his lips again.  Still, he couldn’t look in Thor’s direction.  “...It only happened the once… At Sif’s… It was given to me, and it…  _ helped _ …” 

“Peter…” Thor chewed at his lip.  It wasn’t Quill’s fault he had been out buying drugs because it was  _ Thor’s  _ fault for pretending ever since that day it had never happened.  He should have spoken to Quill about why he’d been smoking weed and  _ helped  _ him through it - but instead, he’d told himself that it was okay and  _ Quill  _ would be okay and he didn’t need to bring it up again.  “...Peter, drugs are… I do not want you doing this stuff, Peter…  Please, sweetheart…” 

“It  _ helped _ , Thor…!” Quill pleaded.  “Please, I… I-I bought it with  _ my  _ money…  Please… I can’t… I can’t…  E-ego… I just…  _ Please _ !” 

Thor sat down in the car with his feet on the pavement so he could continue facing his lover.  “Peter. I have done this stuff in  _ my  _ past -  _ worse  _ things than this.  It  _ does not help _ , Peter…  Please, believe me, love…  It  _ masks  _ your problems and then when you try to face them, you…  You do not have the strength...”

Quill scratched at his wrist.  Blood droplets splashed onto the ground.  “Thor… I  _ need  _ it…  You don’t understand, man…” 

“I understand  _ using this stuff _ !” Thor begged.  

“But you don’t understand what it’s like to have to be around the person who  _ raped  _ and  _ beat  _ and  _ tortured  _ you for fourteen years!” Quill screamed.  His scratching became so erratic, his skin ripped violently.  If he had expected a response, it wasn’t for Thor to jump up and embrace him tightly.  

Thor’s arms held on for dear life as he whispered, “You are right…  I do not understand that kind of abuse… But  _ please  _ listen to me, sweetheart…  I  _ know  _ what this stuff does to you…  It changes the person you  _ are,  _ Peter - it changed  _ me _ .  I… I used to do things to Loki I would  _ never  _ have done otherwise…  I know deep down, he  _ still  _ resents me for it…”

Quill’s eyes widened.  He could never have guessed any of this because though he’d always known Loki was volatile in his emotions towards Thor, they were so  _ close _ …  And  _ Thor  _ was just the sweetest, most loving thing who’d always had his head on properly…  He reached up to grip Thor’s shoulders and rest his head in the crevice of Thor’s neck and shoulder.  “What did you  _ do  _ to him, Thor…?” 

Thor shook his head.  His face paled as if the very memory was haunting.  “You may ask Loki about it… If he wants to tell you…  But please do not harass him over it… It is as painful for him as it is for me…  We pretend it never happened...”

Quill closed his eyes.  “Dude… What am I  _ doing _ …?” 

“You are  _ hurting,  _ and desperately wanting to remedy that…” Thor promised.  “You are  _ not  _ at fault…  I should not have ignored you when you came home that night…” 

Quill shook his head.  “You didn’t want to deal with me…  I don’t blame you; I wouldn’t want to deal with me, either…” 

Thor sighed.  He held the back of Quill’s head firmly to keep his head pressed to his shoulder as he murmured, “Please do not do drugs, Quill…  Especially around me… I cannot be around drugs…”

“How else am I supposed to stop the pain…?” Quill whispered.  “It hurts… so fucking  _ much _ …  I want to  _ die _ , Thor…” 

Quill was surprised that it wasn’t  _ him  _ who was crying; instead, it was Thor who was sobbing his heart out as he clung desperately to Quill.  “Please don’t say that…” 

Quill couldn’t understand how Thor could still stand to be anywhere near him with how pathetic he was.  A single tear of his own rolled down his cheek. “Just for tonight, Thor… I can’t… I-I…” 

Another sigh escaped Thor.  He stroked Quill’s hair slowly as he whispered, “Alright…  Just for tonight… It is okay for you to smoke… But  _ please  _ do not take anything else…  I want to look after you tonight, Peter, but I…  I cannot be around this - drugs make me…  _ violent _ …” 

Quill let out a bitter snort.  “You?  _ Violent _ ?  No fuckin’ way, man…  You’re too sweet for that…” 

Thor shook his head.  “It is true… I  _ never  _ want to hurt you, so please do not put me into a position where I do…” 

“You’re forcing me to choose between you and my sanity…” They stared into each other’s eyes for an eternity before Quill continued.  “I want to  _ kill  _ myself, man…  Don’t… Don’t  _ do  _ that to me…!”

There was nothing but silence until Thor finally broke it by kissing Quill’s forehead and tugging at his hand.  “Come inside; the neighbours are watching us…” 

Quill did as he was instructed.  He went straight to his bedroom to avoid Ego, and though Thor had joined him briefly to give him his purchases, Thor hadn’t stayed.  Quill couldn’t blame him; all Quill was doing was pushing Thor away more and more until soon enough, Thor was going to fucking  _ resent  _ him and leave, and Quill would be left all alone with Ego.  

Smoking helped, though.  It helped  _ a lot _ .  It helped Quill relax so much, he wasn’t sure of the last time he had felt so at peace.  Thor came back after several hours to open the window and filter the air out before he went to bed, and though he tried to leave again, Quill didn’t let him; for the first time in his  _ life,  _ he got on his knees willingly and took another man deep into his throat.  

Whatever it took to keep Thor from leaving him, Quill was desperate to put himself through it.


	7. Chapter 7

Quill woke the next morning to Thor shaking his shoulder.  He cracked his eyelid open and looked tiredly at Thor. He groaned in displeasure.  “What…?” 

“You are going to be late for work,” Thor warned.  

Quill groaned again and closed his eyes.  “I know, man…” 

“You were supposed to be up twenty minutes ago. Did you forget to set your alarm?  I did not hear it from the living room today.” 

“I didn’t set it…” Quill muttered.  He tugged the blankets higher to get more warmth.  “Not goin’ to work today…” 

Thor reached out to rest the back of his hand against Quill’s forehead.  “You do feel a bit warm…” 

“Nah, not that…” Quill cracked his eyelid once more.  “My report isn’t done…” 

“Of course it is; Gamora and I have been helping you with it.” Thor became more worried about Quill with each passing day, but Quill was quickly getting worse, and he knew Ego was to blame.  “Why is it not finished? I looked at it yesterday morning and it was finished.” 

Quill shook his head.  “I deleted it all… It was stupid….   _ I’m  _ stupid…” 

“You are  _ not  _ stupid,” Thor promised sternly.  “You are very smart when you understand something.  Who told you you are stupid?” 

“Ego…” Quill moved to rest his head against Thor’s thigh now that his lover was sitting beside him.  “He took my laptop and said my report is stupid… He’s right; I don’t want to work anymore… I don’t want my stupid degree…” 

Thor laid down so he could pull Quill into his arms.  He held him close as he whispered, “Do not listen to Ego; he does not know you, Peter.  You  _ are  _ smart; you are smarter than  _ me,  _ and I went through schooling before university…  _ You  _ did not, and yet… You have helped me far more in my classes than I have been able to help  _ you _ .” 

Quill sniffed. “Nah, man…  If I was smart, I’d know the difference between a spokesperson and a  _ spacepurson _ …” 

“You  _ do  _ know the difference - you have trouble  _ spelling  _ it!” Thor hated more than anything to see the way Ego was getting under Quill’s skin; Quill had already suffered enough, and all the progress he had made over the years was quickly breaking down until Quill would no doubt be the scared little boy at his father’s mercy that he used to be.  “You did an entire assignment on spokespeople  _ by yourself!  _  Without researching!  Peter, please believe me when I tell you these things; I wish my opinion was worth more than Ego’s to you…” 

Quill shook his head.  “Doesn’t matter… I’m going to be fired today anyway…  I’m sorry I’ve let you down; things are going to be rough now without money…” 

“I do not care about money!” Thor exclaimed.  “You had no money when I met you and I  _ loved  _ it about you!  We will  _ manage _ , Peter…  If worst comes to worst… I will beg Hela for some of the money Father left to her…” 

Quill gave a bitter snort.  “My dad tried to kill me and yours leaves  _ everything  _ to your sister…  We’re a good match.” 

Thor sighed.  He threaded his fingers through Quill’s soft hair slowly as he gently changed the subject.  “Will you get in the shower and come for a walk with me to the corner shop, Peter?” 

“I’m not allowed to leave that fucker alone…” Quill muttered bitterly. 

A tiny smile cracked Thor’s face as he teased, “That did not stop you last night.” 

Quill stared back stoically for several moments before he snorted and tried not to smile.  He punched his lover’s shoulder playfully. “Didn’t think I’d hear you joking around like that after how serious you were all night over it, man.” 

“Oh, well, I love you.” Thor kissed Quill’s forehead as lovingly as he could.  “You know I can never be mad at you for long.”

Quill snuggled closer.  “Even if I asked you again to let me have another smoke…?” 

Thor’s caressing faltered slightly.  He frowned, but Quill didn’t sense any anger from him; merely disappointment. Quill knew he  _ was  _ a walking disappointment and shouldn’t have been surprised.  “...It made you feel better last night, didn’t it, Peter…?” 

Quill nodded.  “Loads better, man…” 

Thor chewed at his lip as he considered the request.  On one hand, he was willing to let Quill do anything he wanted, especially if it helped him relax a bit.  But on the other, Quill could damage himself further if he found himself forming an addiction. 

...But Quill was in so much pain… 

Thor sighed.  He started caressing Quill’s head again.  “If you will be honest with me from now on and never lie to me about these things again…  And respect that I need distance from…  _ that _ …  I will turn a blind eye if you have a smoke every now and then…” 

Quill felt it was fair.  Thor was going  _ way  _ out of his comfort zone just to keep Quill happy, so he needed to respect his lover for supporting him so much.  “Thanks, man… Mind if I have one now before I shower? ...I don’t want to have to stress about my boss calling me today…” 

Thor understood. It was why he kissed Quill’s temple before he got up to open the window and leave.  When he returned to the living room to where he’d left his book open on the coffee table, he grit his teeth when he found Ego laying on the couch with his book.  

Thor was never a rude person, but he was sure the satisfaction he felt at tugging his book away from Ego roughly would quickly turn into an addiction; Ego didn’t  _ deserve  _ kindness, and he was the only person Thor had never felt horrible about being impolite to.  “Thank you for looking after my book for me; I will have it back now.” 

Ego smiled.  Thor wanted to punch him.  “Your phone rang while you were gone. They messaged you instead.” 

“You looked through my messages?” Thor shuddered at how uncomfortable he felt now. He had so many messages from Loki and his other friends that were so personal, he would have fought to the death to keep them from prying eyes.  Now, he felt as if he had failed everyone he loved. 

“What, are you hiding something from Peter?” Ego’s eyes glinted strangely, and Thor wasn’t sure it was even  _ malice  _ \- it was something unrecognisable, but still made him uneasy all the same.  “Secret lover on the side?” 

“No!” Thor snapped.  “Peter told me what you said to him yesterday - about calling him  _ stupid _ because he gets letters mixed up in his head.  That is  _ not  _ Peter’s fault  _ \-  _ rather,  _ you  _ are the one who kept him locked in his room for fourteen years!  He is not  _ stupid _ !  And another thing; I do  _ not  _ appreciate the way you look at my brother.  He has just turned eighteen!” 

“I apologise; I did not realise he was eighteen.  I thought he was simply jailbait. He’s getting laid, though, right?  He said it a few times in his messages to you.” Ego said it so shamelessly, Thor’s jaw dropped. 

Thor saw red after that comment.  His face darkened from how much rage he was holding back, but he couldn’t say anything; if he did, he would explode.  

Instead, Thor stormed out of the living room and stomped his way onto the back porch so he could take his anger out on the punching bag they’d bought for times just like this.  

Ego was taxing.  _ Too  _ taxing.  He was driving both Quill and Thor mad, and Thor didn’t know how much more of this they would be able to take - coming back inside and finding Quill too scared to come out of their room by himself was evidence enough. 

Thor had replied back to Tony’s text before he’d gone to escort Quill out of the house and to the corner store for their morning coffees.  The morning was cold, but Thor’s heart still warmed when Quill visibly enjoyed his fussing over making sure Quill would be warm enough with his jacket. 

Thor kissed Quill’s temple before he murmured, “Stark needs us to look after Peter and Loki until tomorrow.” 

“Cool.  What time are you going over?” Quill smiled as he slipped his hand into Thor’s warm grip.  

Thor winced at the question. He scratched his cheek sheepishly before he mumbled, “...They will come to us…” 

Quill froze.  He looked at Thor with wide eyes as he exclaimed, “Are you  _ serious?!  _  You want something to happen to them?!  Does Stark even  _ know?! _ ” 

Thor frowned.  “I… It was never my place to tell anyone what he has done to you… I have only told my friends you are very afraid of him…” 

“Where the hell do you expect them to sleep?!” Quill snapped.  Thor knew not to take it personally, but with their stress levels, it was  _ hard _ .  “We only have  _ one  _ spare room!  What, you want them sleeping in there with  _ him?! _ ” 

Thor flinched. Quill was right, of course, and he was only concerned for the safety of the younger boys… But still, did Quill really have to talk to him like this?!  “...No one else could look after them; everyone is busy…” 

“They are old enough to be home alone!  They would be better off on their own than around that bastard!” 

“Peter has not been well; Stark is afraid to leave him alone…” Thor whispered.  

“And being around Ego will only make him worse!” Quill snapped.  “Why do you never think these fucking things through?!” 

“You’re mad at Ego; not at me…” Thor’s mumble, while delivered stoically, didn’t convince Quill that was what Thor thought.  

“No. I  _ am  _ mad at you for trying to put those kids through the shit  _ I  _ went through!  Screw you, man!  Haven’t you  _ learnt  _ what Ego’s like?!” 

“I hate Ego for what he is doing to us.” Thor’s hands clenched by his sides.  “We have never fought before… But now it seems it is all we are doing…” 

The anger drained from Quill’s face and instead remorse filled his features. His eyes closed as he grit his teeth together so tightly, he was sure he heard a crunch.  He bowed his head in shame. “...Sorry, man…” 

Thor shook his head.  He let out a sigh, but even though he grabbed Quill’s hand and held it tightly, Quill was still worried about how Thor never otherwise responded.  “...”

Quill’s frown deepened. In an effort to diffuse the tension, he whispered hesitantly, “Guess… Guess what I saw on Facebook last night…” 

Thor felt much more at ease now that Quill had calmed down. He smiled.  “Oh, you reactivated your account?”

“Yeah… Gamora made me so she can keep an eye on me…” Quill was still a little timid, but he knew Thor would never turn him away.  “But I saw this video of a really cute dog… It looked like a fox. Can we get a dog…?” 

“Hmm?” Thor’s smile never faltered.  “Why have you never asked me before?”

A slight redness coated Quill’s cheeks.  He hid his face as he mumbled, “Thought you’d say no…” 

Thor laughed.  “Peter, when do I  _ ever  _ say no to you when you want something? Short of murdering a person, I will not tell you no.”

Finally, Quill’s lips tugged upwards into his own smile.  “It mightn’t be a good idea with Rocket, though… He’s never been around other animals.” 

Thor kissed Quill’s cheek.  “You can have a dog, Peter~ If Rabbit does not like the dog, I know Stark will adopt it for Loki and Peter~” 

Quill nodded.  He squeezed Thor’s hand in return.  “Thanks, man… I’m sorry I’m always in a bad mood now…  Just… Ego…”

“I understand, and I apologise, too…” Thor sighed.  “Neither of us were in healthy mindsets before he arrived, and now we are both worse for wear…  We need to stop fighting over him all the time, Peter; it is… very unhealthy… Something I have been in before and never want to experience again…” 

“I know…  I’m  _ trying _ …” 

“I know you are,” Thor promised.  “I  _ know  _ you are.” 

But no matter how much Thor could acknowledge what was happening, deep down he knew… 

If they couldn’t stop fighting, they weren’t going to last much longer together because  _ neither  _ of them had the mental strength to deal through it properly.

* * *

 

Quill’s favourite pastime was laying on the couch in Thor’s arms, wrapped in a blanket as they watched a movie together.  It was the affection and the  _ safety  _ Quill had never really gotten from anywhere else that he had become addicted to, and Thor was always only too happy to let him indulge.  

Like now, as they cuddled together closely on the couch and tried to pretend Ego wasn’t sitting close by,  _ staring  _ at them.  

Quill hadn’t even realised his eyes had slipped closed until he heard Thor chuckle and tug at his shoulder.  He hummed sleepily and did his best to force his eyes back open. “Wha’s wrong…?”

Thor was smiling, so fucking  _ gently  _ as he reached out to caress Quill’s face, Quill couldn’t stop his eyelids from closing again.  “You are beautiful, Peter… So beautiful… Do you want to take a nap?” 

Quill hummed again.  He wanted to say yes, but at the same time, he wanted as much of his Thor-time as he could get since Tony was due to arrive with the boys any minute now.  He slurred again as he shifted closer into Thor’s chest. “S’kay… Jus’ res’ing my eyes…” 

Thor wanted so badly to kiss Quill, but he felt far too uncomfortable at the idea of doing so with Ego watching.  He held Quill tight against his chest, the next best thing he could do in place of kissing him. 

Thor slipped his hand under the blanket so he could caress Quill’s side as he watched the movie.  He felt himself hardening, but he didn’t care; his body had become used to their movie nights meaning eventual sex - but, as Thor had to teach his body now, sex was a special occasion and  _ only  _ when Quill asked him for it.  He shoved away the replays of their past lovemaking on the couch and let out a yawn of his own; he wouldn’t mind taking a nap with Quill on the couch - but  _ Ego,  _ damnit… 

Thor didn’t have too long to ponder such matters because he heard the rumble of Tony’s car coming up the driveway.  He smiled at the thought of seeing his friends and brother again, but what made him even happier was that Quill’s friends were coming to see him today, too - and he hoped with all his being that having other people around would help break the tension that seemed to be suffocating them non-stop.  

The doorbell rang, and Thor kissed Quill’s temple as he carefully disentangled himself from the now-sleeping Quill so he could get up and open the door.  Ego watched him leave, and he waited until Thor was out of sight before he reached over and slapped Quill around the back of the head as hard as he could.

Quill startled awake, his sleep-hazed eyes wide as they fixed Ego with a frightened look.  He didn’t know what he’d done wrong, but instantly he regretted whatever it was and made a mental note to never do it again.  “...” 

Ego’s voice was low, but the deadly tone was still there.  “What the  _ hell  _ do you think you’re doing, you little slut?  You  _ whore _ .” 

Quill flinched.  Instinctively, he hid his face behind his arms in case Ego wanted to punch him.  “...” 

Ego grabbed Quill by the hair and dragged his head off the arm of the couch.  He was almost spitting as he snarled, “You are  _ such  _ a little  _ whore _ , Peter.  A disgusting  _ fag  _ of a whore.” 

Quill didn’t understand.  They hadn’t been doing anything; they’d just been watching the movie!  “I… I-I…” 

Ego pressed their faces so closely together, Quill trembled at the hot breath that billowed against his face.  “...How  _ dare  _ you let another person touch you so intimately?  You  _ slut _ .  You little  _ cum-dumpster _ .” 

Quill scrunched his eyes shut tight as he slapped his hands over his ears.  His breathing was erratic as he pulled his knees to his chest. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t understand what exactly it was he’d done wrong.  

He didn’t have to ponder it too long, though; Ego cleared it up for him. 

Ego ripped Quill’s hands away from his ears to force him to listen.  “You  _ never  _ let another person - especially a  _ man  _ \- touch you like that again.  You  _ hear  _ me?  You are  _ mine _ , Peter.  As soon as I have completed my sentencing, you  _ will  _ be mine  _ again _ .  Until then…  Don’t you ever,  _ ever  _ let someone else touch you!” 

Quill nodded quickly, desperate to get Ego’s wrath away from him before he got hurt.  “Okay…! Okay, I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I w-won’t do it again…!” 

Ego was smiling again now.  His voice softened as all traces of anger left him.  He slid the back of his knuckles down Quill’s face as he murmured, “Good boy, Peter.  Such a good boy, you are… Never forget how much daddy loves you, okay, Peter?”

Quill’s trembling worsened when Ego came to sit next to him on the couch.  He gathered up as much courage as he could muster to whisper, “G-go away…” 

“Oh?  I’m not like everyone else, Peter; I’m not going to leave you~” Ego cooed.  “Your boyfriend is going to leave you soon enough. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.  Every day that passes, he hates you more and more. I see it in his eyes. You’ve made him resent you, Peter - like you do with  _ everyone _ .  But never with me.   _ I  _ will never resent you.” 

Quill couldn’t speak anymore; his throat had tightened up, and not a sound could squeeze past.  “...” 

Ego reached out to lay his hand on Quill’s forearm.  “ _ Such  _ a  _ good boy _ …” 

Quill jumped to his feet and pushed past Ego so he could follow the sound of Thor’s voice.  He was lead to the kitchen, where he found everyone at the counters, dishing up plates of takeaway food Tony had brought in with him.  

Quill tried so hard to call Thor’s name, but he couldn’t even make a  _ squeak  _ with how tight his throat muscles had become.  He was getting more and more lightheaded by the second at how hard breathing was for him, and when he felt arms encircle around him -  _ trapping  _ him - he couldn’t even  _ scream _ .  

“Peter!” 

Quill flinched when he heard his name exclaimed, and it was only then he realised he’d knocked Peter Parker to the ground in his haste to escape the excited embrace he’d been greeted with.  He was consumed completely by his panic attack at that, and all he could do was flee.

In the kitchen, Tony moved to his kid’s side to help Peter back to his feet.  He looked torn between concern and annoyance as he glanced at Thor and asked, “What was  _ that _ ?” 

Thor looked to his feet.  It wasn’t his place to talk about - he  _ wouldn’t  _ talk about.  His mumble was barely audible.  “I need to check on Peter… Excuse me…” 

Thor found Peter, hiding in the laundry as he squeezed himself between the washing machine and the dryer.  He was still in the midst of a panic attack, so Thor waited it out. ...And waited. ...And waited. 

Thor sat, crouched in front of Quill in silence for what could have been an hour without speaking.  He waited until Quill  _ finally  _ relaxed before he extended his hand and simply whispered, “Come on; we are eating lunch…” 

Quill allowed himself to be lead out into the kitchen, but all he could think about was how  _ right  _ Ego was.  Right now… Thor fucking  _ hated  _ him.  The panic attack he had  _ just  _ escaped from returned, worse than it had been just moments ago.  

Yep.  Thor  _ definitely  _ fucking hated him. 

* * *

 

Quill had locked himself in his room for the rest of the day, smoking so much, Thor had complained to him that the smell was coming into the other rooms and Tony would  _ flip  _ if he knew Peter was around drugs.  Quill hadn’t cared; he  _ needed  _ the stress relief, no matter how brief it was.

Things were made even worse when Thor came in not long after nine, telling Quill to knock it off and open the window because he was putting the boys to bed.

Quill did as he was asked, but not happily.  “I can’t sleep in a bed with  _ three  _ other people, man!  There’s not even room  _ for  _ them!” 

Thor looked remorseful.  “I am sorry, Peter, but Ego has the spare mattress and the only blankets we have…” 

Loki stepped in behind his brother, with Peter following after.  Loki didn’t do much more than crinkle his nose in annoyance at the overwhelming smell, but Peter frowned at tugged at Thor’s sleeve.

“Uncle Thor, I don’t like this smell…” Peter moved himself into Thor’s arms.  “It’s making me feel weird…” 

Thor wrapped his arms around Peter and held him tight.  “I know, and I am sorry; Quill is having a very hard time at the moment and he needs to relax…  Please do not Stark about this, Peter; Quill does not need the extra stress of being yelled at…” 

Peter sniffed.  “I won’t tell…”

“Thank you.  I am sorry you have to smell it, Peter; I know it is not very pleasant…” 

When Loki climbed into the bed, Quill was relieved he took the other side of the mattress.  Thor decided he wanted to cuddle with Loki for the night - and that was perfectly welcomed as Quill didn’t  _ want  _ to be cuddled right now - but  _ Peter  _ was another story.  

Quill had thought  _ Thor  _ was a goddamn cuddler in bed.  ...But  _ Peter _ …  God fucking damnit, Peter didn’t seem to know what the  _ meaning  _ of personal space was as he lay sprawled out on top of Quill with his back against Thor’s.  

“Hey…” Quill tried to push at Peter to get him away, but Peter didn’t want to budge in the slightest.  “Seriously. Get off me. I hate being touched…” 

“I’m comfortable here - and besides, you’re making me have to smell that nasty smell.” 

Quill sighed. He hated how easily everyone else fell asleep while he could only lay there with his thoughts keeping him up. 

The clock flashed three am when Quill remembered why he could only tolerate sharing beds with so few people; with Peter’s hardened arousal being rubbed against his stomach, and the boy’s moans in his ears, Quill teared up. 

Quill sobbed to himself, knowing better than to try and get up; he remembered now how he was only useful for people to fulfill their sexual needs with - regardless of if he wanted to have sex or not.  

He’d been so bad to have forgotten that and to  _ think _ … that he might have actually been worth  _ just  _ a  _ little more  _ than someone’s personal sex toy. 

It didn’t take long for Peter to climax against Quill, and when he did, Quill broke down.  He didn’t care that he’d woken the others; no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop thinking about how he’d been such a terrible person to deny Thor so much sexual pleasure from his body.  

Quill had hoped being taken away from Ego had signified the end of his personal slut days - but apparently not, because here he was again, dusting off the way he’d lock himself away in his mind to make things a  _ little  _ more bearable. 

God knows he was going to need that coping mechanism back if he was going to survive.


	8. Chapter 8

The day went as badly as it could have, but it had started off so  _ okay _ .  With Thor and Quill cooking breakfast, Loki and Peter sat happily at the dining table, conversing amongst themselves as they waited for their meals.  Ego was nowhere around to Quill’s relief, and the comfort of being surrounded by people he  _ could  _ trust was enough to soothe his aching heart - for now.

Thor smiled as he listened to their conversation.  He stepped closer to Quill so he could whisper, “My brother is really happy with Peter…” 

Quill nodded.  “I know, man. They’re cute together.” 

Quill glanced behind him to see what the boys were doing.  Peter was moving his chair closer to Loki’s so he could rest his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder.  Loki, who looked slightly on edge at the contact (and for good reason; Quill completely understood) wasn’t trying to pull away and instead dropped his hand to rest against Peter’s thigh.  

Quill looked back at Thor and whispered, “Do they have sex…?”

Thor shook his head.  “They both want to… But they do not.  They are… foreplaying, for now…” 

Quill nodded.  That was how he used to be, too.  It had taken him so fucking long to get over his terror at intimacy and grow an interest in sex - not until he was in his twenties and Yondu had gotten him out of his trained mindset that he was only good to be a sex toy.  “At least Loki’s doing  _ something _ …” 

“Yes, he will bounce back.” Thor knew his brother would.  Loki had always been strong, and letting Tony and Bruce be a proper family to him had helped him so much.  He peeked over into the frying pan Quill was working at. “Those eggs look delicious.” 

A tiny smile crossed Quill’s face.  “Thanks… Your bacon smells good, too.” 

Thor chuckled.  “Do you want to take the boys out after breakfast?  Peter’s friend, Ned, has invited them to go ice skating.” 

“But Ego -” 

“- Will be  _ fine _ .” Thor brushed hair out of Quill’s face before he cupped his lover’s cheeks.  “You  _ need  _ to get away from him.  He cannot leave; his device will go off if he tries.” 

Quill sighed.  He didn’t  _ want  _ to, but what was the point in arguing?  Thor would hit him if he did… “Fine, man…” 

Thor chewed his lip at how distant Quill had become in the last five seconds.  He knew not to say anything; it would only set Quill off. Instead, he clapped his lover’s shoulder, just glad that he’d found the emotional strength to say yes. 

...At least, Thor had  _ wanted  _ to believe that was the case.  But it became only too apparent at the skating rink that the things going on in Quill’s mind were far more  _ dire  _ than Thor had realised. 

“You are fidgeting.” Thor’s murmur from beside Quill made him jump.  Thor reached out to touch his lover’s knee. “What is on your mind?” 

Quill’s flinch was so violent, there was no doubt in Thor’s mind that the people who stopped to stare believed he were abusive to Quill.  “...Nothing…” 

Thor grimaced. He moved closer along the bench to drape his arm over Quill’s shoulders and pull him close, but Quill only shied away further.  He couldn’t keep the pain from his voice. “Peter…” 

Quill trembled so terribly, Thor felt deafened by the muttering surrounding them. “D-drop it, man…  It’s nothing…”

“It is not nothing if it is making you so afraid,” Thor whispered.  “You know I would never hurt you, Peter…” 

Quill sniffed.  He scrunched his eyes shut and forced out, “J-just fuck me already…!  I know you want to, so just fucking  _ do it _ !  I don’t care!  Hurt me as much as you want to!” 

Thor’s body was rigid as he tried to process what had just been said.  “Peter… I…” 

Quill fought back tears as he balled his sweaty hands into fists.  He couldn’t  _ look  _ at Thor when he mumbled, “I-I don’t fuckin’ care  _ what  _ you do to me anymore!” 

“If that were true, you would not be so afraid of me,” Thor said softly.  He glanced to the skating rink to see where the boys were before he continued.  “Why are you acting like this? What have I done wrong?” 

“You  _ didn’t…”  _ Quill whispered.  He tried so hard to steel his emotions. “...I know I’m…   _ I’m  _ the fuck up…  I don’t know why I thought I  _ deserved _ kindness and care - especially from  _ you _ …” 

“You are  _ not  _ a fuck up, Peter…” Thor was quickly draining, and he was sure Quill could tell.  It wasn’t Quill’s fault - it truly wasn’t! - but he was realising he was fighting a losing battle.  He could spend entire days reassuring Quill of everything wrong in his mind, but Quill would  _ never _ believe him - not with Ego around to keep planting the seeds of damage in his mind.  “What has he been  _ saying  _ to you?” 

Quill looked at his lap.  He gripped his pants tightly.  “...He tells me things… Every time you aren’t around…  He follows me around the house and never stops…” 

“Why have you never told me?” Thor didn’t understand - or maybe, he  _ did  _ understand, way more than he’d ever be comfortable to admit.  Quill simply didn’t want to be a bother or be seen as  _ weak  _ \- like he  _ thought  _ he was.  “I could have stopped this!” 

Quill shrugged.  “Who cares…?” 

“ _ I  _ care!” Thor sighed.  

A frown crossed Thor’s face when Quill threw himself at Thor, pressing their bodies together as he hissed into his boyfriend’s ear, “ _ Fuck. Me.”  _

“What do you think I  _ am?”  _  Thor hissed back.  “You think I am  _ Ego?  _  I have tried…  _ so hard  _ in my life… to never give in to the things that have been done to me…  I am  _ not  _ a monster - do not  _ ever  _ tell me that I am…”

“I never said you were - I told you to  _ fuck me _ !” Quill snarled.  “I’m not fucking good for anything else so just… Just… Just fucking  _ do it!” _

“You are not  _ anyone’s _ toy!  Much less mine!” Thor snapped.  People truly were staring now, and this had to  _ stop.   _ “Now settle down!  We will discuss it when we get home!” 

Quill threw his car keys at Thor as he stomped to his feet and left.  He caught the first bus home, unable to stand being around Thor any longer. 

The problem was, whatever Quill had thought he would escape from only hit him harder at home than it ever could have with Thor. 

“Where have you  _ been?! _ ” Ego roared.  He charged at Quill, still standing by the front door.  His hand wrapped around Quill’s throat, and he slammed him against the door so hard, Quill felt wetness in his hair from where the back of his head slammed against the door.  “What did I tell you?! You’re  _ mine _ !”

Quill clawed at Ego’s hand to get it off his throat, but it was useless; Ego was too strong, and the more he fought, the harder Ego would squeeze - he’d learnt that lesson at three years old and never forgotten it. 

“You fucking stupid little -“ Ego punched Quill in the stomach with so much force, Quill doubled over and gasped desperately for breath he was  _ still  _ denied.  “You think it’s  _ okay  _ to disobey me?!  To go out and get your ass fucked?!  I’m going to fucking kill you!” 

Quill screamed when his throat was released in order to drag him to one of the storage closets in the hallway. Memories of his childhood flashed through his mind, of the cuts and the burns and the broken bones he’d been inflicted with, and all he could think about was what Ego was going to do to him this time.  He wanted so badly to fight back, to stand up to this monster the way he could when it came to standing up to other people - but whenever he tried, he was reminded of just how  _ terrified  _ he was of Ego.  

Ego forced Quill onto the ground and held him there as he opened the door.  His anger only grew as Quill lashed out violently, kicking and clawing at him in his attempt to escape.  He reached inside and grabbed the first thing that caught his eye. 

Quill let out a final scream of pain when something hard smacked him just above his temple and cut his forehead open as it dragged along his skin. His head split horribly with a pounding headache now, and he tried to blink away the blood that was dribbling into his eyes. 

“Give me your hand!” Ego roared.  Quill wasn’t resisting now, lying obediently beneath him even though he was so horrified.  He held Quill’s hand on the ground and spread his fingers out as he raised the hammer he had grabbed and spied which finger to start with. 

Quill’s screams were deafening as the hammer reigned down on him, finger by finger, until eventually all that was left were bones crushed almost to dust.  

Ego grabbed Quill’s cheeks and squeezed his jaw tightly as he hissed, “I’ll do your toes next if you  _ ever  _ do that again,  _ whore _ !” 

Quill curled into a ball now that Ego had let go of him.  Tears streamed down his face as he sobbed his heart out, wanting so badly to hold his broken fingers but being unable to move even a single digit.  “I’m sorry…! I’m sorry…!” 

“You’d better be or I’ll cut them off next time!” Ego snarled.  He grabbed Quill by the hair and forced him to his feet. He shoved the trembling man towards the living room, uncaring when he stumbled and almost fell.  “Now you’re going to stay with me and sit in my lap and  _ entertain  _ me - just like when you were a boy.  And don’t even  _ think  _ of getting those fingers treated!  You show your boyfriend your hands and I’ll hit _ him _ in the head with the hammer instead!” 

Quill nodded so quickly, his neck hurt from the intensity of the movement.  He didn’t dare disobey, no matter how much he wanted to; the last time he’d tried to do so in such a situation, he’d had all his finger and toenails ripped off. 

Maybe he  _ should  _ disobey, though; if he were lucky, Ego would  _ kill  _ him for it. 

* * *

 

Quill felt sick when the door to his bedroom opened that night. He recognised the footfalls to be Thor’s, but he couldn’t relax; his whole body was aching, his head was pounding, and his fingers - oh,  _ fuck,  _ his fingers hurt… 

Quill could tell Thor wanted to say something with the way he stood in the doorway for so long in silence, but finally, Thor made his way to the bed. 

Quill groaned in pain when he felt the mattress shift under new weight, and the action of being pulled into Thor’s arms made him cry from just how badly he was hurting, both physically and mentally.  He felt so pathetic as he sobbed out, “Will you kill me…?” 

Thor’s breath caught in his throat.  “...” 

Quill let another another sob. “Please…?  You told me you would never tell me no…” 

Thor pressed his face into the back of Quill’s head, completely unaware of the pain pressing against Quill’s wound was causing. He planted a kiss in Quill’s hair and whispered, “No, Peter…” 

Quill sniffed. “I want to die…  Just let me die… Please…” 

Thor sighed. “Go to sleep, Peter..” 

Quill pulled himself out of Thor’s arms and rested himself against the edge, as far away from Thor as he could get. He kept his hands hidden beneath his pillow, just glad that Thor was letting him have his space. 

Thor said nothing more; he only gave Quill a seriously pained look before he rolled onto his other side so he could try to sleep with his back to Quill. 

Neither of them slept much that night, not with Quill’s cries of pain every time he moved in his sleep.  Throughout it all, Thor left him alone. 


	9. Chapter 9

Thor was lost.  So incredibly lost, he didn’t know what to do anymore.  Gamora had arrived that morning to do her weekly welfare check on Quill, and for her to take one look at the despondent expression on his face and immediately  _ know _ something had happened, Thor felt like he didn’t  _ deserve _ such an affectionate partner if he couldn’t even help Quill through this chapter in his life. 

“What’s going on with Peter?” Gamora was alarmed to find Thor alone in the living room; Quill and Thor were near inseparable, especially in the privacy of their own home.  “Did something happen?”

Thor sighed.  He pushed Rocket from his lap so he could get off the couch and approach Gamora.  He couldn’t keep the defeat out of his voice as he muttered, “I do not know; he will not tell me…” 

Gamora was no stranger to this; when Quill wouldn’t talk, it was time to worry.  “Is he getting out of bed?” 

Thor shook his head.  “He is not… It has been a week; he will not even let me take his blankets from him to wash them…” 

Gamora furrowed her eyebrows.  “He’s depressed, Thor…” 

“Yes, but I am afraid it’s more than that…” Thor chewed at his lip.  “I am afraid he is  _ hurt _ …” 

“He would tell you if he was,” Gamora promised.  “He wouldn’t hide something like that from you.” 

“He keeps waking us both up at night,” Thor explained.  “I think it is his hands; he keeps shaking his wrists when he wakes.” 

“You haven’t looked at them?” 

“He will not let me; I cannot force him…” Thor said softly.  

“You’re  _ too  _ gentle.  You know that, right?” Gamora sighed.  “Thor… Sometimes Peter  _ needs  _ to be handled firmly.  He won’t break; it’s  _ helpful  _ for him because it  _ teaches  _ him stuff he missed out on with Ego.  It’s how Yondu helped him learn to function when he first got Peter - if it wasn’t for Yondu keeping him in line, Peter wouldn’t even know how to  _ bathe _ .” 

Thor looked at his feet.  He sighed. “I know he will not break…  But I want him to be  _ happy _ …” 

“He’s happy when he doesn’t feel like he’s being wrapped in bubble wrap,” Gamora promised.  “He doesn’t like being treated like he’s  _ different _ or  _ broken _ .  He  _ will  _ appreciate you for treating him like you would anyone else.” 

Thor nodded.  He wasn’t sure he would be able to be firm with Quill unless it was for something serious - but that… just made him a terrible boyfriend, and Quill deserved so much better than him...  “Will you please try to get him out of bed...? He will not come out for anything...”

“I’m going to talk to him,” Gamora promised.  She patted Thor’s shoulder as she left the living room to head to the bedroom.

Thor’s frown deepened.  He felt like he should go with her and see what was happening with Quill, but if Quill wouldn’t talk to him while they were on their own, he probably  _ definitely  _ wouldn’t talk to him with Gamora around.  

Thor left the house and sat on the front porch.  He ran his friends’ schedules through his head, trying to think of who was available for him to talk to.  Out of everyone he knew, he was sure only Steve had Mondays off work. 

_ -ARE YOU BUSY, FRIEND ROGERS?-  _  Thor was glad to see his message was marked as read within seconds.

_ -NO STOP DO YOU NEED SOMETHING QUESTION MARK-  _  People had always complained about the way Thor texted everyone, but it was a unanimous agreement that Steve was almost impossible to text without getting a headache and they’d rather Thor’s messages over Steve’s any day.  

Thor felt his anxiety settle slightly now; Steve would always make time to listen to his problems.  He told his friend everything that had been happening, relieved that Steve was such a good listener and supported him completely.  He conveyed his fears that something was seriously wrong with Quill and he knew he was only making things worse, no matter how hard he tried to help.  The more he expressed himself, the more he realised just how  _ disgusting  _ and  _ cruel  _ to Quill he had been to suspect he was hurt, yet not do anything to find out. 

Whatever Thor was pondering on in his mind, he couldn’t do it for long when the loud rumble of an engine caught his attention, and he recognised it as Tony’s Audi.  He stayed sitting as he watched Tony pull into the driveway and park behind Quill’s Toyota, waiting for he and Bruce to exit the car before he stood up and made his way towards them.

“I am having many unexpected guests today, Stark,” Thor said softly once they were standing together by the verandah steps.  

Tony hummed.  “And we weren’t expecting to be here, either, Point Break, but I need to get your resume from you.  You got one printed up already?”

“What?” Thor cocked his head to the side.  “Why?” 

“Because Justin Hammer has a few jobs available at Hammer Corp and I think you’d be very good at them.” Tony clapped Thor’s shoulder.  “I’ve already spoken to him about you; I told him you are perfectly suited for them so he wants your resume and then he’ll contact you.  I convinced him when I told him I had you doing work for me - so don’t you  _ dare  _ tell him I made that up.” 

Thor’s smile was so wide, his face split in half - but then, he remembered about Quill, and his mood instantly dropped again.  “I do not know if it is a good idea…” 

“Why?” Bruce, ever the gentle person, was sympathetic.  He knew how badly Thor wanted a good job - for him to be passing up such a rare opportunity at getting his foot extremely high into a company organisation without working his way there, something was very,  _ very  _ wrong.  “Are you okay?” 

Thor shook his head.  “Something is really wrong with Peter, and I do not know how to help him…  I have not been able to get him out of bed for a  _ week  _ now…  I am… afraid for him to be alone…” 

“Then I’ll give him a job with me and  _ make  _ him get out of bed,” Tony said confidently.  

“No, you do not understand!” Thor grabbed at his friend’s wrist to stop him from going inside.  “...It… It is very personal for Peter, so I cannot tell you much… But Peter is… He has fallen into a major depression, I fear…  He has not left our bed for  _ anything _ …  I fear Ego has done something to him in my absence - when we were looking after Loki and Peter, we…  We had a fight… He went back home, and I… I was so  _ mad  _ at him, I just…  I did not go back home to be with him…  He hurt me… really badly… But I was stupid to leave him here alone with Ego for the entire day!  When I came back that night, he… He hasn’t been right since…”

When Thor trailed off, Tony and Bruce shared a look.  Bruce put his hand against Thor’s wrist and softly asked, “Can I go inside and talk to him?” 

Thor nodded.  “He has Gamora with him now…  But you may see him…” 

“I’ll make sure he’s okay,” Bruce promised.  He patted Thor’s forearm before he went inside and made his way to the master bedroom.  He knocked on the door to announce his presence, and slowly he swung it open. 

What Bruce found was heartbreaking.

“Quill, on a scale of one to ten…” Bruce swallowed thickly as he saw Quill trying desperately to tug his hand free from both of Gamora’s, “...how much pain are your fingers causing you…?” 

Quill let out a weak sob.  He hesitated, as if he were considering the pros and cons of admitting there  _ was  _ something wrong with his fingers.  He licked his lips, and finally he whispered, “Ten…” 

Bruce came to the bed now.  He pretended not to notice the violent flinch Quill gave him, and instead he reached out to grab Quill’s wrists tenderly and pull his hands out from under the blankets.  The dried blood and missing skin on his fingers told Bruce everything he needed to know; he’d suffered a very traumatic injury to his hands, and he should have sought immediate medical attention - so why hadn’t he?

Quill’s sleeves fell down to his elbows, and Gamora let out a gasp as she found cuts along his wrists.  She couldn’t believe this; Quill had never really been a self-harmer to  _ this  _ degree - he’d always only bitten and scratched at himself when things were hard for him.  ...So for him to be  _ cutting  _ himself…  

Did Thor even  _ know _ ?  

“Peter, what is going  _ on _ ?!  Why are you hurting yourself like this?!” Gamora wanted to hold Quill and promise him it would be okay - but Quill didn’t have many people in his life to keep sense in his head and help him find his way in life; she  _ had  _ to put her foot down or he’d shrivel away from her and not allow anyone to help him.

Quill couldn’t hold back his tears.  “I’m  _ fine…! _ ” 

“You are  _ not _ ,” Bruce said firmly.  He grabbed Quill’s chin and turned his head to the side so he could search for any wounds hidden beneath his hair that would match up to the scarring along his forehead that was recent, too.  “What did you do to your head? There is a wound under your hair.” 

“He told Thor he fell and hit his head…” Gamora grit her teeth and clenched her hands.  “This idiot  _ still  _ has a headache from whatever happened.” 

“Quill!” Bruce was horrified.  He put the back of his hand to Quill’s forehead, not surprised in the least to feel him burning up.  “Quill, you need a  _ hospital _ .  Why the hell hasn’t Thor taken you there?!” 

“Because he doesn’t  _ know _ !” Quill sobbed out.  “Don’t tell him!  _ Please,  _ you can’t tell him!  Just leave me here to die!”

“How could he not know?  He  _ sleeps  _ right  _ next  _ to you!” Bruce watched as Gamora took her friend’s hands into hers, ever mindful of his fingers.  “Surely he’s heard you in pain - it’s been a  _ week _ !” 

“He  _ has _ !” Quill sobbed.  “He  _ has  _ heard me - I keep  _ waking him up _ !  He’s stopped asking me!  He doesn’t care - he  _ hates  _ me!” 

“He’s stopped asking you because you  _ told  _ him to leave you alone about it!” Gamora scolded.  

“Quill, you  _ need  _ a  _ hospital _ ,” Bruce pleaded.  “I can get Tony and Thor in here and they can carry you to the car -”

“- No!” Quill howled.  “Don’t tell Thor! Don’t  _ tell  _ him!” 

“I can’t carry you, but I’m not leaving you here - do you realise how much internal bleeding you could have gone through?  You could  _ die,  _ Quill!” 

“Good!” Quill sobbed.  “I  _ want  _ to die!  Just let me die!” 

“No one’s letting  _ anyone  _ die, save maybe the person who did this to you.” Bruce glanced back at the door before he got to his feet.  “I’m going to get them so we can get you to the car. Your fingers are crusty and oozing; if you aren’t treated  _ right now,  _ that infection could spread through your body.” 

Quill was powerless to stop him from leaving.  When Bruce returned with Thor and Tony in tow, he couldn’t look at anyone; he could only cry out in pain when he felt himself being scooped up into strong arms and taken away from the bed that had kept him safe from Ego’s wrath. 

Thor, who was the one carrying Quill, looked  _ murderous _ as his eyes flickered all over Quill’s body to see what had been hidden from him for a week now; bruising around his neck that could only have been from someone choking him with the way the finger marks were formed, bruising along his stomach, self-harm all over his wrists and down his arms, and his fingers looked like they’d been  _ put through a goddamn meat grinder _ .  

Thor growled when Tony put his hand on his forearm.  

“Easy, Thor; focus on getting him treatment,” Tony said firmly.  “You can kill someone later.” 

Quill knew a huge amount of that anger was directed at  _ him _ .  He could feel it in his stomach.  Thor was  _ furious  _ Quill had continuously pushed him away while in such a bad state, refusing help and to not tell him he was in so much pain.  

But the  _ other  _ half of that anger was at Thor himself, for the way he always let Quill do whatever he wanted without repercussion and for having not  _ insisted  _ on pulling the blankets away and  _ forcing  _ Quill out of bed because maybe then if he  _ had,  _ he may have realised what had happened behind his back  _ sooner _ .  

Quill sighed and accepted his fate, too tired to fight anymore.  Ego was going to kill them both now. There would be no other way out of it.  Quill had disobeyed Ego’s orders and gone to get medical treatment - but most of all, he’d dragged  _ Thor  _ into this, and now  _ Thor  _ would be in the firing line, too.  He’d tried  _ so hard  _ to keep Thor safe by keeping all this from him, suffering the agony on his own and waiting to die just so Thor’s safety wasn’t risked. 

But Quill had failed, and Thor was going to pay the price now, too.  

* * *

 

In the three weeks that Quill had been hospitalised for, Thor had had a lot of time to think about things.  Clint and Natasha had picked him up from work while Steve had taken Quill home from the hospital earlier that day.  Part of Thor was relieved for the company; it gave him time to talk out loud about his problems. 

“You can’t keep going like this, man,” Clint told him from the driver’s seat.  He looked at Thor worriedly through the rear view mirror, hating to see such a blank expression on his friend’s face.  “ _ Neither  _ of you can.  You need to tell the cops what that asshole has done.” 

“It is not my position…” Thor mumbled.  He fidgeted with the flowers Clint had detoured for him to buy as a gift to Quill.  

“What a cop out.” Natasha had never sounded so unimpressed.  She turned around in the front passenger seat to look at him.  “Thor. He’s your  _ boyfriend _ .  You don’t  _ know  _ what is being done to Quill behind your back.   _ Anything  _ could be happening to him - look at his fingers!”

“You could be saving his life, Thor,” Clint pointed out.  “Quill is in a very,  _ very  _ bad place mentally, okay?  We’ve visited him - he’s a  _ mess _ .  He  _ needs  _ his father removed from his life permanently or he’s going to kill himself.”

Thor sniffed.  He knew how right his friends were, but still…  It wasn’t his  _ place _ …  “...I would very much like to kill Ego for what he has done to Peter…  But Peter is  _ disturbed _ …  You do not know Peter like  _ I  _ do…  He has suffered so much…  And I fear that involving the police will only make him associate more and more with his childhood…  He  _ will  _ kill himself…  I do not… know what to do for him…” 

“Thor…” Natasha shook her head.  “If you can at least get his father out of the picture, you can focus on looking after Quill and  _ treating  _ him.  He has gone through a living  _ hell _ ; we saw that for ourselves when we visited him in hospital.  But the longer you keep Ego around, Quill is going to go so crazy, he may lose his  _ mind,  _ Thor.  I know you’re trying to do what’s best for him…  But you’re  _ hurting  _ him, Thor…  He  _ needs  _ you - now more than ever…” 

“I am trying my best, but I…” Thor sighed.  His hands started shaking. “...I… I have been through so much, too…  I thought I had finally escaped all my anger… But it is building and building, and I am… I am  _ terrified  _ I am going to hurt Peter one day…  We cannot stop fighting, and I just…  I have started wanting to  _ hit  _ him when we argue…” 

Clint and Natasha frowned.  They’d known Thor, back when he had been at his lowest.  He’d been so bitter and angry beneath all his sweetness, but it had still come as a shock to them all when they’d seen him lay his hands on Loki, having never thought he was capable of such things - especially to the brother he loved so much.  

None of them ever wanted to see him go back to that; drug-addicted and  _ pained _ .  

“I think…” Clint knew to choose his words wisely, “...you should go back to therapy…  You can’t keep living this way, Thor. You were doing so  _ good _ …” 

“We had never seen you as happy as you were with Quill,” Natasha said softly.  “We can see you both love each other so much… But you are both in pain. We can’t imagine how hard this is, Thor.  And now we  _ know  _ how much you love him because I don’t think many people would  _ still  _ be sticking by him after all this.” 

Thor nodded.  “I will stand by him through  _ anything _ , no matter how hard…  Because if it is hard for  _ me,  _ I know it is even harder for  _ him _ …  I am just…  I do not know that I can take any more…  I cannot help him… He will keep going downhill until I am forced to make a decision…”

“Decision?” 

Thor almost couldn’t swallow past the lump in his throat.  “...He will… attempt suicide… I will eventually be forced to choose between Peter… and my  _ life _ ..” 

The car stopped.  Thor looked out of his window to see them outside his home.  Clint tried to smile as warmly as he could, but it was so  _ hard _ with everything that was going on.  “You need us to come in for a bit, Thor?”

Thor shook his head.  He made sure he had his flowers securely in his hand before he opened his door.  “We will be okay… Please, do not involve the police… I will… I will come to a decision on my own…  I want to do what is best for Peter… I need to talk to him about this and see what he wants…” 

Natasha nodded sadly.  “Call us if you need anything, buddy…” 

Thor let a single tear trail down his cheek.  “Thank you… For everything…” 

Thor listened to Clint’s car disappear down the street as he stood outside his front door before he unlocked it and stepped inside.  He looked around for Ego as he made his way to his bedroom, but nothing he could have prepared himself for would have readied him for what was waiting.

Thor pushed open the bedroom door.  He forced a smile onto his face, and tenderly he whispered, “How are you feeling, Peter…?  I have flowers for you…”

Quill had sweat dripping down his red face as he writhed in pain on their bed.  He flinched as Thor hurried to him, but he couldn’t speak past his pain and fever.  “...” 

“Where are your painkillers?” Thor asked gently.  “Why have you not had them?” 

Quill found his voice now.  His scream was so deafening - so  _ unexpected  _ \- Thor couldn’t help but jump.  “Fuck off! J-just  _ fuck off _ !  I  _ hate  _ you!” 

Thor felt frozen on the spot.  Slowly, his teeth sunk into his lip as he dropped the flowers to the  ground in devastation. His heart felt as if it had been ripped out of his chest and stomped on by a thousand people, but quickly he became numb to the hurt as he  _ finally  _ reached his limit.  “...Peter…” 

“I fucking  _ hate  _ you  _ so much _ !” Quill screamed again.  “You’re fucking  _ horrible  _ to me and I don’t  _ want  _ you anymore!  Fuck you! Get the fuck out and d-don’t come back!” 

Thor’s eyes closed.  Despondent, he could only nod, too fed up to want to argue.  If that was what Quill wanted… Well, Thor never  _ did  _ tell him no, after all...  “...” 

“Go!  F-fuck off, you prick!” Quill screamed, unable to stand the way Thor was still standing there.  “I can do  _ better  _ than you!  Fuck you!” 

Thor bent down to pick the flowers up to pass to Quill as his farewell, but Quill simply snatched them from his hand and tossed them into a corner of the room.  He gave a single nod once more before he turned around and left the house in silence. 

Quill waited until he heard the front door close before he unsteadily got to his feet and fetched the flowers.  He picked them up, and as tenderly as he could, he hid them in his drawers so Ego wouldn’t see them and  _ destroy  _ them.  

Speaking of Ego…

“I thought I told you I was going to kill him.” 

Quill flinched at Ego’s voice from the doorway.  He climbed back into bed and hid beneath the blankets like the pathetic child he was.  “...” 

Ego was quick to break Quill’s flimsy shield and smile down at him.  “You broke his heart  _ and  _ yours to save his life.  But don’t you think your mother would have appreciated the company?  She’s been out there by herself for a very long time now, after all…”

Quill knew he shouldn’t.  He knew how weak, how  _ small  _ he was compared to Ego, but he couldn’t help it; he launched himself from his bed and tried to punch Ego as hard as he could in the face as a scream of rage ripped from his throat.  He forgot about all the times Ego had overpowered him and made him  _ suffer  _ for standing up for himself; his mother was gone, and it was  _ his  _ fault for having wanted her to protect him from this bastard - now he wanted to take the best thing that had ever happened to him away, too!  

Quill shouldn’t have.  He fucking  _ shouldn’t have _ .  He screamed when Ego grabbed his wrist and snapped it, but the fear and the anger and the adrenaline rushed through his head, and with frenzied eyes, he snarled, “You told m-me you d-didn’t kill m-my mum…  You called me  _ crazy  _ for believing you  _ did _ …” 

Ego chuckled.  He patted Quill’s hair fondly as he whispered, “But you  _ are  _ crazy, Peter.  I never said anything about killing  _ anyone _ .  You’re making things up inside that sick little head of yours again.  You’re  _ very  _ sick…  You need…  _ treatment _ .  But it’s not your fault, okay?  It’s not your fault you’re crazy in the head.  Now let me teach you what happens when you try and  _ hit  _ me, boy.” 

Quill screamed again when he felt his elbow dislocate at Ego’s hands.  He couldn’t stop the man from tying rope around his wrist and securing it to the bed head.  He’d almost made a mental note to try and free it when Ego left, but that was  _ before  _ he felt his hand impaled against the mattress.  

“Now, you be a good boy and stay there for daddy.” Ego sounded so pleased with himself, it was better that Quill couldn’t focus on his voice.  “Let me find something to wrap around your throat and keep you quiet for a while. Don’t want the neighbours to know, after all.” 

Quill couldn’t stop crying.  All he wanted was death, but even if that never came for him and he was doomed to live out his last years in torture, at least he could find peace in having saved Thor - even if it had to come at  _ both  _ their expense.  


	10. Chapter 10

“Quill hasn’t been coming into work.”

Thor looked over the back of Tony’s couch to frown at his friend.  He tried his best to pretend those words didn’t affect him. He shrugged, and in trying to act as if his heart wasn’t still broken, he forced himself to respond as callously as he could.  “Not surprising… Peter never went to any of his other jobs, either…”

“Thor.” The stern look Tony presented Thor with made Thor wince.  “You know that isn’t true.  He may not be the most efficient worker, but he is reliable.  He works hard, Thor.”

Thor sniffed.  “And?”

“And, I’m worried about him.” Tony came around the couch to sit next to Thor.  “I have been trying to call him but his phone is off, and you’ve left him with a madman.”

Thor sniffed again.  Oh, why did he have to have emotions…?  “If you are so worried, why don’t you go check on him?  He probably broke his phone again…”

Tony was quickly getting fed up with where this conversation was going.  “Thor. Listen to me. You love him, I know you do.  Don’t you think it’s strange he chose his abuser over you?  If you don’t want to go and check on him, I will.”

“He hurt me, Stark…” Thor clenched his hands.  “...He really hurt me…”

“Yeah, and you know why?  Hurt people hurt people, Thor!  If anyone knows that, it’s you!  You will never forget your past - it’s why you worked so hard on becoming a gentle giant.  I’m telling you, something is wrong, and you can pretend all you want that you don’t care but I know you do, Thor.  Now get over there and go check on him before I do!”

Thor sighed.  He stood up and held his hand out.  “May I borrow your car…?”

Tony handed over his keys without hesitation.  “You know you still love him, Thor. I’ll bet you everything I have he still loves you more than anything, too.”

“No, he does not…” Thor battled against the deep depression that had been pulling him under since Quill had broken up with him.  “He does not want me… He made that perfectly clear…”

“Just go check on him.  He might need you,” Tony said softly.  

“Well, I do not need him,” Thor grumbled.

“Thor.  Just go.” Tony stood up and left before Thor could give any further argument.  

Thor did so, but not without hesitance. It wasn’t anger or hatred or anything he had been trying to portray to his friends; rather, he was riddled with anxiety at the thought that his worst fears of Quill truly hating him would be confirmed.

Thor’s hands shook against the steering wheel as he did his best to keep tears from blurring his vision.  He did want to see Quill again, to talk to him and understand what exactly he had done wrong - but that was the thing. He hadn’t done anything wrong, and he wasn’t ready to have his already-shattered heart hurt even more.

His shoulders shook with withheld emotion when he parked up the driveway of his own home.  Well, truthfully, he’d always considered it their home, but it’d been the very last of his money that had gotten them the deposit on it once Quill has gotten a well paying job to cover mortgage.

Thor didn’t care about that though; Quill needed that house more than he did, and Thor was willing to go crawling to Hela and beg her to help him keep making the payments for Quill to live there if it came to that.

Thor’s legs felt like jelly as he got out of the car and made his way to the front door.  He didn’t knock or ring the doorbell; he pulled his house key from his pocket and unlocked the front door. The lock turned, but the door wouldn’t open. Thor knew now what was going on; Ego was keeping Quill trapped inside with no way to escape.

Thor stayed as silent as he could as he moved to try and get in through the back gate instead - but of course, it also had been barricaded from the inside. Thor grit his teeth, and though he knew he shouldn’t, he still went into the neighbour’s yard and grabbed a chair from their porch so he could jump the fence.  

With that out of the way, Thor tried the back door.  It was locked as well, but Thor knew that house better than Ego, and he doubted Ego knew that the latch on the kitchen window was broken and could easily be opened from the outside - it had been Quill’s biggest fear and Thor’s number one job to fix…

Getting inside wasn’t too difficult. What was difficult was keeping quiet as he traversed the house in search of Quill.  He heard the TV playing in the living room, and with one peek around the edge of the doorway, he found Ego, sitting on the couch watching one of Quill’s DVDs.

Thor had to keep himself from going in there and killing Ego as violently and slowly as he could, because that could come after - first, he had to get Quill to safety.  

Thor tiptoed down to his bedroom, mindful of the floorboards that always squeaked under weight. He held his breath as he pushed the bedroom door open, hoping with everything he had that it wouldn’t squeak now.

Thor wanted to cry at the sight that greeted him. Quill, naked and covered in blood and other bodily fluids, with one hand tied up in the air to the headboard and his other hand with a knife stabbed through it to keep it pinned to the mattress as he wheezed so desperately for air, his face held a blue tinge.

Thor couldn’t hold back the tears as he hurried to the bed to work out what he needed to do.  When he caught sight of the fishing line wrapped around Quill’s neck with just enough looseness to allow him very shallow breaths, Thor lost his mind.  

The sounds emanating from the room were probably as loud as a tornado tearing through, but Thor couldn’t even think about that; in his haste to rip the room apart in search of something to get that line from around Quill’s neck, it surely sounded like a bomb going off.

“Peter, hold on!” Glass smashed on the ground as it was swiped off the top of the dresser in Thor’s frenzy.  Thor felt his breath catch in his throat when he finally found a pair of scissors, and by the time he had stumbled back to Quill’s side, his vision had blackened from how stressed he was.  His extreme level of stress was surely accountable for the way he grabbed at the fishing line and tugged, cutting off Quill’s breath completely.

Thor almost screamed in panic at the way Quill choked and spluttered beneath him.  Tears streamed down his cheeks as he became so frenzied, he was on the verge of passing out.  No matter what he did, he couldn’t find a way to get the fishing line from around Quill’s throat - not without cutting through his skin.  

Thor had to take a deep breath as he realised there was no easy option for him here; if he didn’t hurry, Quill was going to die.  He sobbed as he did his best to get the fishing line in between the blades of the scissors, hoping it wouldn’t hurt Quill too much - but with the way it had been digging in so deeply for so long to the point flesh was growing over the fishing line, Thor knew there was nothing he could do.  

When the fishing line was freed from around Quill’s throat, he still remained gasping for breath, and Thor could stop panicking.

“Now why would you do that?  He was perfect the way I had him.”

Thor felt his eyes widen as loathing filled his features.  He turned around to look at the doorway, but doing so had set him off.  He went mad.  So mad, he was barely conscious of charging at Ego and ramming them both through the wall behind him.  He didn’t feel the pain in his abdomen, or notice the warm blood soaking through his shirt from where he’d been stabbed; all that mattered to him was the way he pummelled Ego again and again and again until blood that wasn’t his coated his fists and Ego stopped blinking.  

Thor took a shuddery breath as he pushed himself to his feet.  He noticed now the blood saturating his clothing, but the adrenaline was still too much for him.  He grit his teeth when he realised there was no phone in easy, nearby access for him to call someone, and if he didn’t do something to get an ambulance here, all three of them could die and no one would even realise for probably days.  

But Thor, for all his lack of general intelligence, had always been quick witted and fast to plan his way out of sticky situations.  He grabbed Ego by the wrist and dragged his unmoving body through the house and to the front door. He wasn’t surprised to find it had been deadbolts that had kept him locked out of his own house, but that wasn’t an issue anymore because now that he could unlock them, he was free to open the door and toss Ego out onto the pavement so his ankle monitor would alert the police.

With that done, Thor held his stomach and went back to Quill’s side.  He didn’t know how long he was going to last; he was bleeding quickly, but he didn’t feel like he was going to pass out.  Had he been stabbed deeply? He wasn’t sure.

Thor didn’t take long to think it over; when he came back to Quill, he found him, still breathing hard but seemingly conscious - however acknowledging to external stimuli he was. Thor untied the rope to allow Quill’s arm to fall down onto the mattress.  He was too scared to try and get the knife out of the other hand and wanted to wait for an ambulance instead, so instead he pulled the blankets up and tucked Quill in as best he could in the situation.

Quill’s unfocused eyes finally moved to fix on Thor, but Thor wasn’t sure Quill was even seeing him.  Quill opened and closed his mouth wordlessly, but ever-so-slowly, he curled his broken fingers - that had all been splinted the last time Thor had seen him but had clearly been removed - and pointed at his bedside table.

Thor understood Quill wanted something, and as soon as his eyes focused on the flowers he had bought for his lover, he let out a whimper as his tears fell harder.  His hand trembled as he reached in to get them, dead and no longer the beautiful bunch he had carefully selected all that time ago.

“Peter…” Thor laid the flowers on Quill’s chest.  He watched his lover slowly slide his arm around, patting all over to try and find them because he couldn’t seem to see well enough to search them out on his own.  Thor didn’t know what to say. “Peter… I… I-I… I will buy you all the flowers in the world…”

Quill didn’t respond to him.  If he’d even heard Thor, Thor didn’t know.  But Thor didn’t pry. It would have been so wrong to do so.  

“Peter…” Thor understood now though.  The amount of times he’d felt frustration towards Quill for not standing up to Ego and letting Ego treat him like absolute shit…  Quill was old enough to look after himself - he wasn’t a fourteen-year-old boy anymore! Thor had seen him stand up to people bigger than Ego!  Hell, he’d yelled at Odin before for Loki’s sake!  

...But Ego… had damaged Quill’s mind so badly that no matter how many years would go by, Quill was always going to feel like a little boy at the mercy of his father’s hands.  Deep in his troubled mind, Quill probably did think he was still just a child next to Ego, with no hope of being able to protect himself and only liable to make matters worse if he tried - too weak to ever be able to do anything...

Thor took back all the frustration he’d ever felt towards Quill at the situation.  Quill had been broken so many years ago, and the pieces that had been put back together hadn’t been the correct ones.  Honestly, the pieces that were still missing were probably so shattered, they would forever be irreparable, because seeing Quill like this…

Thor could only imagine how much more traumatic it had been for Quill as a little boy with no one around to hear him scream


	11. Chapter 11

Thor hadn’t been able to visit Quill at the hospital.  No matter how hard he’d tried, he just hadn’t been able to.  He knew part of it was the immense guilt he felt over having left Quill in that house  _ alone  _ to suffer, but he was sure the other part was pure selfishness at not wanting to see the damage he had  _ allowed  _ to be inflicted upon his beautiful lover.  

Tony had told him once that staying in that house would only make him feel  _ so  _ much worse, but Thor couldn’t find it in him to leave, no matter how much suffering had happened in there.  

Yondu was the one to try and get Thor out.  He’d come around after work, on his way to bring Quill home from the hospital after all the months of intensive care he’d undergone.  He’s taken one look at Thor’s dirty, matted hair when he’d realised just how deep in depression Thor was about everything. 

“Don’t put yourself through this,” Yondu told him.  “Come and stay with me; you’re only damagin’ your mental health staying here.” 

Thor shook his head.  He shrugged. “I deserve this…  I left him here alone - this is  _ my  _ fault…” 

“Yeah, and if you didn’t leave,  _ you’d  _ be in the hospital with him.  ...Or  _ dead _ …” Yondu sighed.  

Thor shrugged again.  He leant back into the couch so he could kick his feet up onto the coffee table.  “At least I could have tried to save him…” 

“Yeah, and if you’d tried, you’d have been buried out with his  _ mother _ .” Yondu frowned.  “You know why Quill never tries to hit him back?  Won’t even  _ stand up for himself _ ?  He isn’t  _ stupid _ .  His fingers bein’ broken was a  _ tame  _ punishment when he was a boy.  He ain’t gonna fight the guy who wouldn’t feed him nothin’ but drugs and alcohol for meals.”

Thor sniffed.  He closed his eyes.  Did he really want to ask this…?  “...How is he…?” 

Yondu’s frown grew.  “...Well… He’s been conscious for a few weeks now…”

Thor flinched.  He hadn’t known the situation with Quill; every time someone had tried to tell him, he’d had to leave the room.  He looked to his feet. “...Is he… going to be okay…?” 

“...It’s up in the air still.  He was  _ choked _ ; he’s…” Yondu chewed at his lip as he tried to decide the nicest way to explain things.  “...His brain ain’t gonna work like it used to… He’s talkin’, but he… You’ll notice it yourself after a while...” 

Thor felt like crying.  He  _ loved  _ Quill. He loved him  _ so much  _ it  _ hurt _ .  But Thor had let this happen…  He’d let this happen and now Quill was going to suffer worse than ever. 

Thor’s hands clenched by his sides as he grit his teeth and forced out, “I hope Ego never wakes up…” 

“He won’t; you punched him into a coma.” Yondu cocked his head to the side.  “Never seen a guy’s face so disfigured from fists alone.”

“I wanted him dead,” Thor snarled. “I thought he  _ was  _ dead…” 

“He’s as good as,” Yondu promised. “I owe you my thanks. Petey can’t be hurt again by him now… But the scars are always going to stick with him…” 

Thor sniffed back a sob. “...” 

Yondu put his hand on Thor’s shoulder.  “Hey… Don’t stay here… Come stay with me - with  _ Petey… _  This place will be miserable for you…” 

“It is…” A single tear rolled down Thor’s cheek.  He bowed his head. “It is…” 

“You know, I know that boy better than anyone; I don’t believe for a second he kicked you out for anything  _ but  _ to keep you safe,” Yondu said softly.  “Quill is  _ smart _ , but not a lot of people are willin’ to see that in him.  They don’t like to look past him having never been schooled and missin’ so many important life skills as a child.  But he ain’t  _ stupid.  _  He’d have known.  He knows  _ life _ , and he observes so damn much, he can read situations like nothin’ I’ve ever known before.” 

Thor chewed at his lip.  “You are saying… He kicked me out because he  _ knew  _ something would have happened if I had stayed…?” 

“Yeah; my boy ain’t stupid,” Yondu promised.  “He knew you’d never have left him any other way - the only way to get you gone was to break your heart.  I don’t believe he meant a word of what he said. Don’t hold it against him. He’s always been reckless. The damn most lovin’ thing…  But reckless all the same.” 

Thor frowned.  “...He might still love me…?” 

“With the way he keeps lookin’ around and  _ waitin’  _ for you, I think he does,” Yondu assured.  “His memory is messed up but he rem’bers you.” 

Thor sniffed back tears.  He closed his eyes as his bottom lip quivered. “...I… I want to see him again…” 

“I’m goin’ to get him from the hospital and gettin’ him comfortable on my couch.  Give us some time; he’s gonna need to be settled in again.” 

“I’ll come over tonight…” Thor wiped at his eyes.  

Yondu nodded. “You gonn’ be okay?  You got my number; call me if you need anythin’.”

“Thanks, Yondu.” Thor offered a small smile. Yondu had quickly become something of a second father to him, but he hated admitting it; it felt so disloyal to his father’s memory.  “Let me know when I can come see him.” 

“As soon as he’s settled,” Yondu promised. 

Sure enough, late that night, Thor’s phone vibrated with a text from Yondu, inviting him over.  Thor didn’t hesitate to respond and say he’d be over there shortly, but first he had to stop out in his little garden and decide what flowers to pick. 

In the end, he chose a variety of Quill’s favourite flowers to bring along to Yondu’s. He held onto them nervously as he drove out to Yondu’s home, but it wasn’t until he’d parked Quill’s car in the driveway did he realise he held more anxiety in this moment than he had in his entire life.  He’d never really been an anxiety sufferer, but Quill…

Quill had instilled  _ so many feelings  _ in Thor that Thor had never thought he’d ever feel.

Thor turned the engine off and got out of the car.  He double-checked that he had locked it - not because he wasn’t sure he had, but because he wasn’t yet ready to enter.  ...The problem was, he knew that if he kept delaying this, he would never go inside. 

“Alright…” Thor took a deep breath to steady himself as he forced his jelly-like legs to carry his weight to the front door.  “You can do this… Peter needs you…” 

Thor had always hated entering other peoples’ homes without knocking, so when he unlocked the front door with Quill’s spare key and stepped into the entrance hall, he felt like an intruder.  He cleared his throat and called out, “Yondu? I hope you do not mind I let myself in…” 

Yondu came out of the kitchen.  In his hands was a bowl he was drying, but he didn’t look annoyed or anything Thor had foolishly anticipated; in fact, he looked relieved.  “Hey. Quill’s on the couch; we’ve just eaten. Are you hungry?” 

“Oh, no thank you; I am not sure I could stomach anything,” Thor admitted.  His throat felt as if it had seized up. “...How is he…?” 

“He’s comfortable.  He won’t go into his bedroom; I tried layin’ him in bed and he freaked out.” Yondu shook his head as sadness filled his eyes.  “...He was the same when he was a boy… Terrified of beds…”

Thor could never blame someone for that kind of fear after enduring the kind of life Quill had; he’d probably feel the same way had he gone through what Quill had.  “...I will make sure to let him rest on the couch…” 

“He’s very sore, so don’t try move him around - though he prob’ly won’t let you try anyway; he don’t want to be touched,” Yondu requested.  “He’ll come ta you if he wants you to touch him.” 

It hurt to know he couldn’t embrace Quill and hold him in comfort - but if that was how things had to be, Thor could get through it; he just needed time to adjust to the new circumstances.  He looked down at his flowers in concern. “I hope he likes my flowers… Maybe I should have stopped by the store first…” 

Yondu put his hand on Thor’s shoulder.  A faint smile tugged at his lips. “He ain’t gon’ care; he’s still got those dead flowers - woul’nt let the nurse take ‘em from him.  You could give him used tissue and he’d secretly treasure it - he just wouldn’t tell you that.” 

Thor felt tears well up in his eyes.  He sniffed and looked to the side so he could wipe them away.  There was nothing he could do or say to express how much it meant to him to know that Quill had kept those flowers; for the first time in so long, he had  _ hope  _ in his heart that things might be okay, however long it was going to take.  

“Thanks, Yondu…” Thor whispered.  He smiled softly. “I will go see him.” 

Yondu nodded.  “Call out if you need anythin’.” 

The more Thor had gotten to know Yondu, the more he understood why Quill had always seen him as his father.  Yondu, for all his flaws and rough edges, loved Quill so much, Thor wasn’t sure Quill could have made the huge amount of progress he had if he’d been fostered by anyone else.  

Thor took a deep breath as he stepped into the living room.  His breath caught in his throat as he caught sight of Quill, laying on the couch with Yondu’s phone on his chest so he could listen to music.  His eyes were lightly closed, but Thor knew he wasn’t asleep; he was thinking, and Thor could only hope they were peaceful thoughts.

“Peter…?” Thor took slow, steady steps to Quill so he didn’t cause any alarm.  Quill’s eyes snapped wide open, and visible panic crossed his features, but he relaxed slightly when he saw it was Thor.  Still, Thor was heartbroken to see the wariness displayed on his lover’s face. “Peter, I have something for you.” 

Quill was trying to back away at Thor’s approach.  Thor didn’t blame him, so he said nothing about it.  He knelt by the couch and handed out the flowers. 

“I picked your favourite flowers from my garden,” Thor said softly.  “I am sorry I did not think to stop and buy you some truly beautiful flowers…” 

Quill’s eyes focused on the flowers, yet he didn’t move for so long, Thor was afraid.  But then, Quill licked his lips and ever so slowly, with a violently trembling hand that had both its fingers and wrist splinted, he reached out to take the gift.  He winced at the pain it caused to curl his fingers around his flowers, but still…

The way Quill  _ beamed  _ warmed Thor’s heart so much, Thor could have cried.  

“Let me get some water,” Thor said softly.  “We will put them somewhere nice for you to look at.”

Quill didn’t give much in the way of response, but when Thor fetched a glass of water, he let his flowers be placed in there calmly.  Thor just hoped he was going to say something soon because the silence Quill was in was  _ terrifying _ .  

Thor sat against the couch with his back to it.  He kept his head turned to the side so he could look at Quill as he spoke.  “Peter… I…” 

Quill frowned and looked away.  His lips moved, but no words came out.  Thor’s worry only exacerbated. “...” 

“...” Thor sighed.  “...I am so  _ sorry  _ I left you there alone with him…  I love you… So,  _ so  _ much, Peter…  But I am so sorry…  Every day I hate myself for what I have allowed happen to you…” 

Finally, Quill spoke, however quietly his whisper was as he curled in on himself and pushed into the back of the couch.  “I can’t be with you again…” 

Those words broke Thor’s heart, but he couldn’t throw a fit; he had to understand where Quill was coming from and help him through it.  “Why…? Did I do anything to hurt you, Peter…? Is that why you kicked me out…?”

Quill shook his head.  He licked his lips before he whispered, “I am…  _ scared  _ of you…  I can’t trust you again…” 

“Scared of me…?” Oh, how badly Thor wanted to hug Quill’s pain away…

Quill nodded.  His whisper was so timid, Thor wanted another round at Ego for what he’d done to Quill.  “We… We’ve had sex…”

“You are afraid I will force you…” Thor was clicking on.  The terrible way Quill had been convinced he was nothing but a sex toy, a personal whore…  Ego had steadily been breaking down Quill’s mind whenever Thor wasn’t around, and now he was seeing the results.  “Peter… Even if it means I  _ never  _ have sex  _ again  _ in my  _ life _ , I still want you…  I am so deeply in love with you, Peter, I want to be with you forever…  Even if I have to give up sex to be able to do so.” 

Quill shook his head.  He pulled his blankets up to his nose, looking so very much like a scared child peeking out at a monster.  “You will hurt me…” 

“No…” Thor shook his head.  “Peter… I… I have learnt from my mistakes…  I was unnecessarily cruel to you because I did not  _ understand _ …  But I understand  _ now _ …  Please, will you give me another chance…?” 

Quill sniffed.  “You won’t want me…  I will only make you hate me more…  I’m  _ nothing _ …  Just…  Just… I’m  _ nothing _ …” 

“You are my  _ everything _ ,” Thor whispered.  “Even if it takes me thirty years, I will help you trust me again.  I will  _ show  _ you how much I love you and I will do what I have failed to do and  _ support  _ you.  I want to help you learn to not be fearful again…  I want you to  _ smile  _ again…  So, please…  Will you let me prove myself to you again?”

“...” Quill’s whole body started shaking as tears welled up in his eyes.  “Ego said that you…” 

“Ego said  _ a lot  _ of things that are not true,” Thor whispered soothingly.  “Please… I have won you over once before; even if it takes me my lifetime, I will work to win you over again.  Let me show you that everything Ego told you was not true. Let me  _ love  _ you, Peter…  Because I truly do…  I am so in love with you, it drives me crazy when I cannot  _ see  _ you…” 

Quill looked away as a single tear rolled down his cheek.  “...” 

“I love you, and you are  _ everything  _ to me,” Thor whispered again.  “I will wait a thousand years for you to learn to trust me again if I have to…  But I will never give up on you until you  _ tell  _ me you no longer love me in return…” 

Quill scrunched his eyes shut to withhold tears.  He sobbed softly as he opened them again and extended his hand slowly to Thor.  He wet his lips before he whispered, “I want to trust you again… Please be patient with me…” 

“Peter, I would not be anything  _ but  _ patient with you…” Thor whispered.  His eyes wandered over his lover’s body, but wrapped tightly within his blanket, he couldn’t see much in the way of injury.  

Quill slowly lifted his gaze to make eye contact with Thor.  He fidgeted as his face scrunched up in a wide array of emotion Thor just didn’t have the mental energy to flick through, but that didn’t matter because soon enough, Quill was ever-so-slowly sliding himself along the couch to get closer to Thor.

But, as soon as it had started, Quill quickly moved away and whimpered, as if he were battling some great war within his head as to whether or not he wanted to get close after all. 

Thor said nothing about it; he simply held his hand out and whispered, “If you ever wish to hold my hand… You know I do not mind when you take it without asking…” 

Quill’s gaze went back and forth between Thor and his outstretched hand, but finally, he slowly edged his hand forward until the very tips of his fingers were resting lightly against Thor’s palm.  He exhaled a deep breath when Thor tenderly curled his fingers to hold them, as light as a feather to not cause any pain on the healing digits, but he didn’t pull away; instead, he closed his eyes.

“M’sorry…” Quill mumbled.  

“Hmm?” Thor rubbed the back of Quill’s hand with his thumb.  “For what?” 

“Everything…” 

“ _ None  _ of this is your fault, Peter,” Thor promised.  “I made many mistakes in this… I left you to deal with this all on your own and I did not realise…  I should have been a better boyfriend and stepped in because he wasn’t nice to you… Instead, I kept my mouth shut and let him hurt you…” 

“M’tired…” Quill mumbled.  “Head hurts… Everything hurts…” 

“Get some sleep,” Thor whispered.  “I will bring you your Zune and walkman tomorrow.”  

“Can’t sleep…  I’ll dream…” Quill’s eyes widened in fright.  “Please…”

Thor understood.  He nodded. “Then I will stay right here and keep you safe.  Would you like me to turn the TV on for you, Peter?” 

Quill shook his head.  He reached out to start the music off Yondu’s phone again, and with that, he curled up and closed his eyes.  Thor knew he wasn’t trying to sleep; if anything, Quill was trying to lull himself into a sense of security. 

Thor sighed.  He continued caressing Quill’s hand with his thumb as he whispered, “One day soon, I will take you on a date…  I will make up for being such a terrible boyfriend to you…” 

Quill didn’t respond; he didn’t even  _ acknowledge  _ he’d been spoken to.  Thor didn’t mind, though; no matter what, he would remain patient as he helped Quill slowly learn how to trust and  _ love  _ again.  

The problem was, he wished he didn’t have to because Quill had already been so loving and affectionate… 


	12. Chapter 12

Thor slipped Quill’s walkman and Zune into his pockets before he looked around his bedroom.  He wasn’t sure he’d come back to the house again; too much had happened in these walls, and he’d rather be homeless than have to stay here, haunted by the ghosts of what had been done to his partner.  Thor would organise for their things to be placed into storage - after everything Quill had gone through, Thor wouldn’t force him to lose everything as well - but once that was done, the house could go into foreclosure for all he cared.  

He sighed.  He went to the living room to fetch Rocket’s cage and take him out to the car so he could leave; the longer he stuck around, the worse he was going to feel being there.

But of course, Thor couldn’t feel much better about being at Yondu’s, either - not when he walked into the living room and found Quill sitting up against the arm of the chair, staring at his hands as if they’d grown extra fingers.  

“Peter?” Thor put Rocket’s cage down so he could open the gate and let him out.  “Are you okay?” 

Quill was trembling, and when he looked up at Thor’s voice, he was  _ scared _ .  The whisper he spoke in sounded  _ terrified _ .  “...Am I… crazy…?” 

“No, Peter, of course not,” Thor promised.  “Why would you think that you are?” 

Quill sniffed.  “I think I am… Ego was right…  I-I’m… I’m psycho…” 

“You are  _ not _ ,” Thor whispered.  “You are in  _ pain _ .” 

Quill shook his head.  “I don’t think I’m well…  I… My head doesn’t feel right…” 

“What does not feel right?” 

Quill ducked his head.  He closed his eyes as he whispered shamefully, “My head is all messed up…  I don’t… know… what’s real and what isn’t anymore… Am  _ I  _ real, Thor…?”

“You are real,” Thor promised.  “Why would you not be?” 

“I don’t know…” Quill sighed.  “Nothing feels real to me anymore…”

“I assure you that at the very least,  _ you  _ are real,” Thor promised.  

“...” Quill nodded.  “...Okay… Okay…” 

Quill seemed to have accepted the assurance, so Thor took a seat on the couch opposite to give Quill space.  He pulled his phone from his pocket and unlocked it so he could change the subject. “Look what I have to show you, Peter.” 

Quill chewed at his lip as the phone was passed over to him.  He took it, nervous of what he would find, but a smile quickly broke out on his face when he found himself in Thor’s text messages, looking at a photo Tony had sent earlier of Peter and Loki with kittens.  He passed the phone back shyly and stuttered, “T-they are… so cute…” 

“They found them this morning.” Thor tucked his phone back into his pocket.  “They are keeping two for themselves and giving the other one to Peter’s friend, Ned.” 

Quill’s smile never faltered.  “They are cute… I have… only ever had Rocket…” 

“Would you still like a puppy?” Thor smiled at the way Quill’s expression lit up as he received an excited nod in response.  “I will talk to Yondu and ask him if he will not mind us having a puppy.”

Quill looked so excited, he was childlike in the moment.  Thor could have cried at just how beautiful he looked in all his innocence.  “Ask him now! ...Please…” 

Thor chuckled.  “Alright. Where is he?” 

Quill raised his arm to point to the sliding door opposite them that led to the back verandah.  “He’s drinking with somebody...” 

“I’ll be right back.” Thor would have loved to kiss Quill’s forehead in his departure, but alas, he had to keep his hands to himself.  He stood up and moved to slide the door open, and tugging his hoodie tighter, he stepped out into the cool air. He smiled at Yondu and Kraglin, and it was then he remembered; Quill had inferred he didn’t know who else was visiting…  “Yondu, Peter just told me something worrisome…” 

“If it was about Kraglin, I got an idea.” Yondu sighed.  He gulped down his whiskey before he crumpled his can and tossed it into the garbage bag beneath the outdoor table.  “Boy’s known Kraglin since I took him in and yet tonight he freaked out over him…” 

Kraglin looked uncomfortable,  _ sad  _ as he affirmed Yondu’s statement.  “I used to babysit him for Yondu when he was little - he knows we’re best buds.  Yondu thinks it’s the thing with his brain.” 

Thor flinched.  He stepped outside to sit at the table next to Kraglin.  “Do you know what exactly is wrong with him?” 

“Doctor said it’s called brain…  Brain… Brain hypaxa? No, hypoxio.” Kraglin tapped at his chin as he tried to recall the exact words Yondu had told him.

Yondu kicked Kraglin’s shin from under the table.  “Hypoxia, idiot.”

“Oh…  I know what that is; I learnt about it from Banner…” Thor sighed.  “My poor Peter… I am sorry he does not remember you, Kraglin; that would… have pained me unbearably…” 

“It just… makes you feel like a shitty person to have someone you were close with start crying at the sight of you…” Kraglin whispered.  

“He will get better,” Thor uttered.  “It will take time. Banner told me people can heal from that.  But Yondu, I hope you do not mind, but I wanted to ask you if it will be okay if I get Peter a puppy.  I showed him that my brother has kittens, and he got very excited.” 

Yondu looked behind him at the fenceless yard.  He chewed at his lip as he pondered the question.  Finally, he gave his answer. “It’s okay, but make sure you play with it if it’s gonn’ be indoors; Rocket destroys enough already.” 

“Thank you, Yondu; I will tell Peter.”  Thor walked with a little skip to his step now.  He hummed happily as he went back inside and closed the door so he could look at Quill and murmur, “He said yes, Peter.” 

Quill beamed.  He’d scooped Rocket up into his arms in Thor’s absence, and Thor was almost tempted to go free the poor thing from being squeezed to death in Quill’s excitement.  “Can we get one tomorrow?! Please? I’ve never had a puppy before… But I want to adopt!” 

Thor smiled gently.  “We can go early in the morning before I have to do my work.” 

Thor couldn’t believe how excited Quill was after being so fearful and depressed for all this time.  It wasn’t unwelcome, though; in fact, it was a  _ very  _ welcome change.  He sat back down on his couch and grabbed the TV remote to turn it on and flick through the channels. 

But Quill’s joy didn’t last long, and once he’d settled down, he fidgeted uncomfortably before he whispered, “Thor…?  Do you think… I am pathetic…?” 

“No,” Thor didn’t hesitate to respond.  “I think you are so perfectly flawed, Peter.  You are  _ human _ .  You have your struggles and your faults, but you are the most loving, caring person I have ever met.  You have been hurt… So terribly hurt… But still, you love harder than anyone else. You are so incredibly gentle to people and animals, and I think you are just  _ amazing _ , Peter.” 

Quill looked to his lap.  His mouth moved wordlessly as he tried to process what had just been said.  He sniffed miserably. “...I’m ugly, though… Right…?” 

“No, you are  _ beautiful _ ,” Thor said firmly.  “There are so many words I could use to describe you, Peter, but truly you are  _ beautiful _ .  Your mind…  Your personality…  Your body… You are just so beautiful, even back when you hated me, I still could never take my eyes off you.  I had never been able to work out what I had done for you to hate me so much, but seeing the way you interacted with your friends…  I fell in love with how gentle and caring you were to the people you trusted.” 

A light red tint coated Quill’s cheeks as he continued staring at his lap.  “But… Why do you think so highly of me…? I am…  _ stupid _ …” 

“I tell you every day you are not stupid, and I will never  _ not  _ tell you you are not stupid,” Thor soothed.  “You have come so far from a life that had you alienated from words and numbers for so many years - but look at you now.  You have a degree, and you never went to school. You have learnt English so well, you speak it as if you  _ had  _ gone to school and  _ socialised _ normally.  And, Peter, you are so incredibly smart with numbers, I would never have been able to take some of the classes you passed  _ perfectly _ .  I do not believe it is simply book smarts that define a person’s intelligence…  And you understand  _ life _ , Peter.  You are such an intelligent person, and even if it takes me until my dying breath, I will keep telling you this until you believe me.” 

Quill sniffed back tears.  Finally, he lifted his head to look at Thor.  He nibbled at his lip before he whispered, “I have always tried so hard to believe you…  But whenever I try, I remember how often Ego told me otherwise…” 

“Ego  _ wanted  _ you to hate yourself,” Thor explained.  “He wanted you to hate yourself because you are so incredibly sweet, he wanted to  _ break  _ you.  But you… are so  _ amazing  _ for being so resilient.  You could have been so different, Peter…  But you are  _ loving,  _ and you are  _ caring  _ \- everything Ego is not, and could never be.  You. Are.  _ Amazing _ , Peter.” 

Quill wiped away tears from his eyes.  He slowly laid himself down and tugged the blankets up to his chin.  He kept his eyes on Thor as he whispered, “Can you tell me again why you think I am…  Am… Not ugly…?” 

Thor smiled so brightly, Quill gave his own nervous smile in response.  He nodded. “Why I think you are  _ beautiful _ .”

Quill licked at his lips.  He leant in close, like he was eager to hear some awesome bedtime story.  “Yes, please…” 

Thor turned the TV off again so he could get started on his  _ novel  _ of why he found Quill to be so beautiful.  Quill watched him with a dry mouth, inching in closer and closer to Thor throughout, his heart racing and his palms sweaty.  

Thor hadn’t even scratched the  _ surface  _ before Quill found himself crying silently as he worked to store away every word Thor had told him, not willing to forget them in his  _ life  _ if he could.  

For the first time since Ego had been forced back into his life, Quill’s nightmares were minimal.  


	13. Chapter 13

Sure enough, Quill had woken bright and early the next morning in his eagerness to get his first puppy.  Thor hadn’t hesitated to take him to the shelter; for the first time since Ego had come back, Quill was showing signs of  _ life _ .  

Thor glanced at Quill from the corner of his eye as Quill sat in the front passenger seat and flicked through the music on his iPod.  “Are you excited, Peter?” 

Quill nodded.  He threw his iPod into the compartment beneath the stereo and lowered the volume so he could talk.  ...Well,  _ stutter  _ was a better way of putting it, but Thor could still hear the eagerness in his tone.  “I-I want a cute puppy… A fluffy puppy that’ll play with me…” 

Thor hated that Quill was so withdrawn and  _ regressive _ , but he knew Quill would get back to his old self with time; he just needed to process everything that had happened and  _ heal _ .  “I am sure they will have lots of puppies to choose from.”

Perhaps getting Quill off the couch was what he had needed, Thor considered.  Quill needed rest - he  _ definitely  _ needed rest after everything he was  _ still  _ going through - but staying curled up under his blankets all day every day certainly wasn’t going to help him get through this.

Maybe…  Thor should be trying to get Quill out of the house a bit more - and getting a dog for him might be the best way to do it.  Quill had always been an animal lover; another trait in him that Thor absolutely  _ adored _ , and if Thor played his cards right, he could use it to their advantage in helping him get better. 

They entered the building.  Thor sat Quill down in the waiting area to get him off his weak legs struggling to hold his weight so Thor could fill out the forms.  He kept his eye on Quill in the meantime, his heart warming to see him humming to himself as he bent over to pat the office cat that was rubbing against his legs.

Thor smiled.  He turned his attention back to the forms so he could murmur to the receptionist, “He is so lovely with animals.  I hope it helps him to have a puppy to look after.” 

The receptionist smiled in return.  Thor knew she could see clear as day the scarring around Quill’s neck from the fishing line, the scars on his wrists peeking out from under his sleeves, and his still-splintered fingers to add on to his display of injuries.  She didn’t bring any of it up, and Thor was thankful for it. “Animals are good for that, sir.” 

Thor nodded.  He put his signature down the bottom before he took the clipboard over to Quill to help him get his scratchy signature down as well.  With that out of the way, Thor helped him to his feet and out into the back to see the dogs.

Quill looked like he was in heaven at all the dogs excited to see him.  He stumbled his way from cage to cage to get a good look at every dog and see how they responded to him.  His left leg was dragging, but Thor was glad to see it wasn’t bothering Quill for once. 

Thor leant with his back against the wall and his arms folded against his chest as he observed.  Quill’s joyous expression never faltered - not until he stopped by a cage Thor had thought was empty.  “Peter?” 

Quill looked back at Thor.  He chewed at his lip as if he were considering something before he called out to the assistant, “Can I pat this dog…?” 

When the assistant gave a shocked expression at the question, Thor’s curiosity was piqued.  He pushed himself up off the wall so he could come to Quill’s side and look into the cage. 

“That dog always gets looked over,” the assistant explained as she came forward to open the gate.  “Lovely dog, but no one has ever wanted her.” 

Thor could see why that was when he found the dog, cowering in its bedding.  Its timid disposition wouldn’t have helped matters, but what  _ really  _ sealed the deal was the dog’s large, yet thin, hairless body scarred with the remnants of abuse.  

Thor understood now why Quill was interested, and his heart broke; Quill could see himself in that dog, and just the very  _ thought  _ of that made him want to cry at how someone could want to hurt his beautiful lover.  

Quill didn’t hesitate to scoot inside once the gate was opened.  He didn’t get close; he left distance between him and the dog as he held his hand out, talking softly as he coaxed it closer.  

Thor held his breath.  He waited, hoping the dog would come to Quill - and eventually, it did, however warily.  It ever-so-slowly crept forward, inch by inch until its nose was pressed into Quill’s hand, and Thor couldn’t help but be reminded of just how often Quill would fight with himself over getting close to Yondu and Thor again.  

“She’s never come so close to anyone before,” the assistant whispered to Thor.  

Thor didn’t reply as he watched the way the dog sat before Quill, calmly allowing him to wrap his arms around its neck and bury his face into its shoulder blade.  They stayed like that, as if they were feeding off each other’s comfort. Thor smiled, and finally, he whispered back. “I think he has made his decision.”

* * *

 

Things were  going so smoothly that day, Thor hoped it would stay that way - so when he asked Quill that afternoon to come shopping with him, he couldn’t help but wince in anticipation of Quill’s reaction.  

For once, the gods had taken mercy on Thor as Quill didn’t do much more than flinch and fumble his hands together.  

“I…” Quill chewed at his lip.  His eyes darted around the room to look at everyone as he tried to decide what to do.  “...” 

Yondu glanced up from the magazine he’d been reading on the couch opposite them.  He raised his eyebrow. “You should go with him, boy; be good for you.” 

Quill’s frown deepened.  He gave Thor another sideways glance before he mumbled, “But…  T-thor will…” 

Thor hummed.  “What about me?” 

Quill sighed.  “...I… W-what… will we  _ do _ … in town…?” 

Thor gestured over to Quill’s new dog, laying quietly amongst the bed of blankets Yondu had made her for upon arrival.  He smiled. “Well, we can go get stuff for Sasha, and then we can do our grocery shopping and have a look at some shops.  I can take you to see the kittens, too, if you want to meet them. Loki tells me they are very affectionate.” 

Quill made a smacking sound with his tongue as he mulled the information over.  His hands clenched as they started to shake. His whisper trembled as much as his body.  “W-what else…” 

Thor chewed at the inside of his lip.  For whatever reason, Quill wasn’t trusting him enough to feel safe with him at the moment.  “Well… We used to have our date nights every Friday, but I do not mind if we skip another one, Peter.”

“Ah…” Quill sighed.  “...Sex night…” 

Thor, Yondu and Kraglin all looked at each other.  Thor cleared his throat to gather Quill’s attention.  “...Peter… We have not had sex for a long time… You told me you do not want to have sex, and that has always been okay…”

Quill flinched.  He gave Thor a nervous glance before he mumbled, “Really…?  I don’t… remember that…” 

“It’s true, boy,” Yondu confirmed.  “He ain’t gonna do anythin’ to you that you don’t want from him.  He just wants to take you shoppin’.” 

Kraglin nodded.  He was much more hesitant to speak, having always been quieter than Yondu, but now not knowing how to approach Quill without freaking him out.  “He’s a good guy, Quill… You don’t have to worry about him…” 

Quill hummed.  He frowned at his lap as he grabbed his pants tight to hold on to.  “...Ego… said he was going to… to  _ sell  _ me…” 

Thor sniffed.  The atmosphere of the room was heavy, but still he croaked out, “But  _ I  _ would never do something so sick to  _ anyone _ , Peter…  Especially not  _ you _ …” 

Quill didn’t show any sign of making a decision, so gently, Yondu suggested, “How ‘bout you let him finish up his work and see how you feel later, Petey?” 

If it was meant to make Quill feel any better, all it did was make him let out an uncomfortable sound.  “I-I’m sorry, I - You - I didn’t - I mean…” 

Thor stayed patient as he waited for Quill to finally get his words out.  “...” 

“...I didn’t… know… you’re working…” Quill whispered.  “How long…?” 

Thor’s smile was as gentle as always.  “I am working from home to be with you, Peter.  Stark helped me talk to my boss. But I have not been there long; I appreciate you did not realise.” 

“I’m an idiot…” Again, Quill was self-deprecating, and Thor hated to hear it.  “I-I’m sorry… I’ll let you work, and I’ll… I’ll think about it…” 

Yondu stood and stretched.  “While you aren’t layin’ down, you wanna help me with somethin’, boy?” 

Quill  _ did  _ panic now, but it was nothing Thor couldn’t soothe by laying him down and tucking him tightly beneath his blankets.  Yondu and Kraglin left them to be alone, and while Thor worked on his laptop to try and finish the marketing scheme he was establishing, Quill laid down and watched him.  

Thor didn’t mind the feeling of Quill’s eyes burning into him; all that mattered was the way he did his best to pretend he wasn’t noticing Quill slowly inching closer and closer until he was sitting almost against the arm rest of his couch so he could see what Thor was doing.

Finally, Thor acknowledged him by turning his laptop screen to face Quill.  “Do you remember learning this, Peter?” 

Peter flinched when he realised he’d been noticed - but to his utter relief, Thor didn’t seem to mind the attention.  He looked closer at the screen now that he didn’t have to pretend he wasn’t looking, but nothing on there looked familiar.  He slowly shook his head.

“That is okay,” Thor promised.  “We did our marketing class together.  I enjoyed it very much, but you liked accounting instead.  I did not do so well with number-based subjects, but you are amazing at them.” 

Quill hummed.  He inched closer again.  And again. ...And again, until Thor moved across to make room for him and invited him over.  Quill obeyed, and though his body was full of tension, he relaxed over time until he was finally calm enough to rest his head on Thor’s shoulder as he watched his lover work.  

Thor never rushed Quill into anything he didn’t do himself; he kept his hands to his own body and allowed Quill to give all the affection.  It was why, when Quill eventually fell asleep with his head in Thor’s lap, as much as Thor wanted to, he held back all of the love and affection he so desperately wanted to lather his boyfriend in.  


	14. Chapter 14

Over the two months that had passed since Quill had been home from the hospital, he found himself trusting Thor just a little more each day until it became almost impossible to keep his eyes off his lover.  For the first time in what felt like forever, they weren’t scared, anxious stares as he tried to predict what Thor would do to him; they were goggles of so much adoration and praise, his stomach did flip flops every time Thor smiled back at him during his stares.  

Like now, as Quill sat on the couch and watched Thor reply to his last business email on his laptop.  He could feel the butterflies swimming around in his stomach, and he was sure his cheeks were a little more red than usual - but when Thor turned his attention to him again, he felt his face  _ burn  _ from shyness.

Thor chuckled.  Quill still had yet to show he was comfortable with physical contact, so as much as it killed Thor inside to not be able to embrace his beautiful lover, he kept his hands on his laptop and asked, “Are you ready to go shopping, Peter?” 

Quill hummed.  His eyes darted to the side to avoid eye contact as he nodded.  “...” 

“Have you put food out for Sasha and Rocket?” Thor stood up to find his jacket.  

“Yes…” Quill whispered.  For the first time in a while, he continued in a stronger tone.  “Rocket is in Yondu’s bedroom…”

Thor nodded.  He was glad to see the tiny suggestions that showed Quill was slowly getting his strength back.  He’d been through so much, Thor couldn’t expect him to heal completely so soon - so to see him making progress, no matter how little it was…

Thor was proud, and all that mattered was Quill taking steps forward.  

But, as if to prove that Quill still had a long way to go, he scuffed his boot against the ground and ducked his head as he whispered, “I’m nervous…” 

Thor didn’t blame Quill.  It would be the first time - aside from going to the animal shelter - that Quill had so much as gone  _ near  _ their front door.  He was scared of  _ people,  _ and knowing that Thor wanted to take him shopping  _ amongst  _ society was difficult.  

But, Quill had finally said yes, and Thor hoped he wouldn’t back out at the last second. 

“I know you are, but you will be with me,” Thor reminded.  He extended his hand to take Quill’s, glad that his lover wasn’t resisting him.  “You will be safe with me. ... _ And…  _  I hear they have opened a pet shop at the mall now; I will take you to see the animals if you still want to come.” 

Quill perked up at the mention of animals, as Thor thought he would.  Thor knew how horrible he was for manipulating Quill to get his own way, but… 

It was for a good cause, right?  It wasn’t like Thor was trying to manipulate him the way  _ Ego  _ would…!  ...Right…?  Oh,  _ god,  _ he hoped not… 

“Okay.” Quill’s smile was just a little more genuine now.  “Okay.” 

Thor smiled back.  “Go check on Rocket and Sasha and then we will leave.” 

Quill hurried off to do as he was told, and once he was satisfied that both animals were happy with each other as they slept on Yondu’s bed, he went back to Thor’s side and allowed the man to drive him out to the shopping centre.  

They arrived there without any drama, Quill sitting quietly in the passenger seat as he focused on his music, but once Thor had parked the car and turned the engine off, Quill frowned and tensed up.  

“Thor…?” Quill licked his lips as he looked to his lap.  His fingers twitched as he whispered, “...Would you think I am worthless… if I told you how scared of this I am…?” 

Thor reached out to take Quill’s hand in both of his so he could  _ squeeze _ .  “You will  _ never  _ be worthless, Peter.  No matter what.” 

“...I just…” Quill shuddered as he pulled his hand back to his own body.  He sniffed. “...I keep thinking I am ready… to be around people again… But then I remember Ego, and how scared of him I was…  I tried to stand up to him… after all that abuse… I  _ tried  _ to stand up to him…  And it only got me hurt again…  And I think that I… That… That if someone… tries to hurt me again…  I will be too scared to do anything…” 

“I will be with you,” Thor promised without hesitation.  “No matter how scared you are, I will be with you. And I know… it may not be much consolation to you right now, Peter…  But I  _ know  _ you can stand up for yourself.  I have  _ seen  _ you do so.  And I have been on the receiving end of your punches, Peter; if anyone makes you feel so threatened, you punch them, I think they will leave you alone when they realise just how hard you hit.” 

Those words didn’t do much for Quill - not until he saw the playful smile on Thor’s face, and his own faint smile appeared.  He bowed his head, and for the first time in so long, he seemed almost like his old self. “Thanks, man…” 

“You are welcome, Peter.” 

Quill finally found the strength to open the car door and step out.  He nibbled at his lip before he mumbled, “Do you think it’s stupid I’ve been wanting to talk to you about getting a service dog…?”

“Not at all; if that is what you will need to feel safe, then we can do that for you,” Thor promised.  He came around to Quill’s side so he could kiss Quill’s temple. “I can see if we can get Sasha trained for you, Peter.” 

Quill shook his head.  “I like Sasha how she is…  And… And… I know it’s stupid…  But I don’t think I could wait for her to be trained…  I need one now… For things like this…” 

“Then I will make it happen for you,” Thor promised.  “Are you okay with me? Do you feel safe with me?” 

Quill nodded.  His fingers twitched again before slowly he slipped his hand inside Thor’s giant one.  He didn’t let Thor hold his hand for long, but still, he whispered, “I know I’m safe with you…  You are  _ too  _ nice to me...” 

Thor kissed Quill’s forehead this time.  They walked slowly into the shopping centre, needing to take their time for Quill’s legs to be able to work properly and carry him, but eventually, they made their way inside.  

Thor rubbed his neck as he thought about where to go first.  “I need a new pillow for my neck; sleeping on the couch all the time is really hurting me.”

Quill frowned.  He reached out to ghost his fingertips against the back of Thor’s neck.  “I’m sorry… You don’t have to sleep on the couch with me…” 

“Nonsense; of course I do,” Thor promised.  “I  _ love  _ you, and I want to be there for you if you need me for anything.  It is not your fault; my neck is already bad.” 

Quill winced.  He looked away as he whispered, “I-I’m supposed to already know  _ why  _ it’s bad, right…?” 

“Oh, Peter, do not beat yourself up over it,” Thor soothed.  “You cannot remember. It is hardly your fault.” 

Quill sighed.  He fumbled his hands together before he murmured, “What happened to your neck…?” 

“Do not be mad that you cannot remember,” Thor soothed again.  “I fell through the safety railings on the top floor of my house.”

“Oh…” Quill licked his lips.  He pressed his fingers a little more firmly to Thor’s neck so he could rub.  “You have been hurting yourself more for me…” 

“And I would continue doing so for the rest of my life if it helps you to sleep at night,” Thor whispered.  “Come on; there is a good bedding store upstairs.” 

Quill followed behind calmly, but it wasn’t until they stood outside the store and Quill could see all the beds on the display did he whimper and take a few steps back.  

“Thor…” Quill avoided all eye contact.  When Thor stopped in front of him, Quill took him by the forearm and shook his head.  “D-don’t go in there…” 

“It is okay; I am just getting a new pillow,” Thor reassured.  He tried to walk into the store, but he stopped when Quill grabbed his arm again and tugged. He couldn’t help but sigh.  “Peter…” 

Quill buried his face into Thor’s shoulder.  “They will  _ hurt  _ you…” 

Thor chuckled.  He gestured through the window at the petite woman sitting behind the service desk.  “I do not think she will be able to hurt me, Peter.” 

Quill didn’t seem convinced, but still, he reluctantly pulled his hands away from Thor’s arm and looked to the ground.  He nodded, but the sharp intake of breath he sucked in told Thor he wasn’t happy about this. “...Okay…” 

Quill didn’t go into that store.  He watched like a hawk as Thor entered and spoke with the woman, and he didn’t relax until Thor was back by his side, with two new pillows under his arms.  

“I got a new pillow for you, too,” Thor explained.  “The lady said if it is not comfortable for you, we can come back and she will try to match you with a good pillow.” 

Quill hummed.  He followed Thor back downstairs so they could put the pillows in the car, and as they walked, he couldn’t help but let his eyes stay focused on Thor again as his cheeks burnt brightly with a blush.  

Thor pretended not to notice; he rather enjoyed the attention, and there was no cuter sight for him than to see Quill’s eyes wide with so much love and admiration.  He wanted nothing more than to make Quill feel loved and appreciated and  _ spoiled  _ in return, so it felt so  _ natural  _ for him to say, “When we put our pillows in the car, we can go look at the music stores.  They might have more eighties’ music you have not heard before. You can have whatever you want from there, Peter.” 

Quill’s heart stammered in his chest as he felt the butterflies in his stomach return.  His mouth went dry as he battled the anxiety that always ensued at the thought of getting too close to Thor - but now, all he wanted so badly was to hug Thor and let himself be wrapped up in those strong arms he had quickly learnt would only seek to protect and  _ love  _ him.  

A frustrated whimper escaped Quill’s throat.  Thor, who understood the internal conflict Quill kept warring against, reached out to take his lover’s hand and squeeze it reassuringly.  He smiled. “It is okay, Peter; you do what you are comfortable with. I know how much you love me.” 

Quill’s face had surely caught on fire now.  He looked away from Thor, unable to keep looking at him or his legs were sure to turn to jelly.  His stomach was flip flopping now, and he suspected his heart was hammering against his ribcage would be audible.  “...” 

Thor wanted so badly to kiss Quill.  He wanted to take Quill into his arms and lean him against the wall so he could kiss him senseless.  Thor needed to lay him down in bed and make love to his body, to erase all the pain and suffering Quill had ever gone through - but of course, those desires were nothing more than fantasy because Thor knew that if Quill ever  _ would  _ want sexual contact again, it certainly wouldn’t be so soon after everything that had happened.  

That was why, when they got back to the car, Quill felt comforted by the privacy of the underground car lot and found the strength to plant a tiny peck against Thor’s lips.  Thor let out a rumble of appreciation, and as much as he would have loved to resume the kiss  _ deeply  _ and  _ long _ , he didn’t; instead, he murmured, “You have made up your mind as to wanting me back?” 

Quill shook his head.  He looked away to hide his blush.  “...I’m… testing the waters…” 

Thor smiled.  “I am glad to see you are starting to trust me again.” 

“I…” Quill swallowed thickly.  “...You’re a really great guy, Thor…  I can’t remember much, but I… I can tell… you have never hurt me…  Your hands are so huge and they could snap me in half if you wanted to…  But I feel  _ safe  _ with you…” 

“You will get better,” Thor promised firmly.  “When your brain heals, you will remember everything - you will remember me and Yondu and your  _ friends _ .” 

Quill chewed at his lip before he frowned.  “...That’s just it… I don’t know if I  _ want  _ to remember…”

“What do you mean?” Thor asked gently.  

“...I…” Quill’s tongue poked past his lips as he tried to convey his thoughts.  “...I don’t know if I… remember  _ all  _ my abuse… or how much of it I am forgetting…  But if I have forgotten half, I don’t want to remember it all again…  What if I could be  _ happy  _ because I’ve forgotten it, Thor…?  I remember how miserable I’ve always been, but I…  When I am with you, I feel… I think it is  _ happiness _ …  If I have to start all over again just to be happy, I think I am willing to do so…” 

“But you will forget your  _ friends, _ ” Thor reminded gently.  “You  _ love  _ your friends; they have been there for you through so much…” 

“...I…  I am prepared…” Quill closed his eyes.  “...I don’t think I have ever really felt true happiness before…  But you’ve taught me… time and time again… what it feels like to not live in fear, or sadness, or self-loathing…  You’ve taught me that I  _ can  _ feel safe, and I…  I  _ can  _ express myself…  I can feel  _ happy _ …” 

Thor shook his head.  He didn’t know what to do.  On one hand, he wanted nothing more than for Quill to feel happy - but on the other, could it come at a cost of Quill having to forget  _ everything _ just to be able to do so…?  Thor truly wanted him to be happy -  _ truly _ .  But Quill… had come so far in his life, how could he just want to throw it all away like that…?

“Peter…” Thor put both his hands on his lover’s shoulders.  He shook his head. “I  _ love  _ you.  So much.  So much, it  _ hurts _ .  But I have  _ seen  _ you come so far, Peter - I  _ helped  _ you get so far.  I do not know if I could stand by and let you forget  _ you _ , Peter.  You are so  _ strong _ …  Stronger than  _ I  _ am…  And everything you have gone through in your life has shaped you into such a beautiful, loving,  _ caring  _ and  _ kind  _ person, and that’s who you _ are _ .  You did not let your abuse define who you are, Peter; you stayed true to  _ you  _ because that’s who you _ are _ .  I worked so hard to gain your trust, but once I got it, I was rewarded with the love of my life.” 

Quill looked to his feet.  He tensed uncomfortably. “...But… I can  _ still  _ be that person, Thor…  Just without… the memories…” 

“It was your memories that made me fall so deeply in love with you,” Thor whispered.  “The fact that you were able to go through all of that and  _ still  _ be you…  I admired it - I  _ still  _ admire it.  You used to  _ hate  _ me, Peter, but I am sure it was because you were  _ afraid  _ of me.  You couldn’t trust me.  You felt  _ threatened  _ by me.  But even so, you still found it in you to be as nice to me as you could despite everything.  You treated my brother with kindness because you  _ cared  _ about what he was going through - and not many people have ever dealt him kindness, Peter.” 

Quill sniffed.  “...I… It  _ hurts  _ to remember, Thor…” 

“I know…  I know it does…  And truly, it might be  _ mercy  _ for you to never remember again.  But what is a life without pain, Peter?  The pain helps us appreciate the happy moments.  How could we ever smile if we didn’t know  _ what  _ we have to smile over?  It took me… ruining my own life  _ and _ my brother’s for me to learn how to smile properly.  Even when my mother was still alive, I… I was miserable…  And after she died... I used to drink and do drugs… Sleep around…  And in the end, it cost me my brother - the only thing I had left. So I cleaned up, and I’ve smiled and appreciated every bit of happiness since - because I have  _ seen  _ the darkness, Peter.  I have experienced that abyss of agony, too.  And I know… that my suffering could  _ never  _ be as paramount as yours…  But I have been there, and it almost took me, too, Peter...”

Quill flinched.  He didn’t know how to respond; he was  _ literally  _ getting to know Thor all over again.  Besides, how  _ could  _ he respond when he barely remembered anything, anyway?  He asked the only thing that made sense to him in the moment.  “...Can we go back to having fun…?” 

Thor chuckled.  He kissed the top of Quill’s head before he nodded.  “I was thinking of getting a massage. Has your back been cramping from the couch, too?” 

Quill nodded.  “Yes… But I don’t think we should get massages…” 

“Oh?  Why not?” 

Quill’s lips twitched before he finally pouted.  “Because… I don’t want other people touching you!” 

Thor burst into laughter.  He couldn’t help himself; he wrapped his arm around Quill’s shoulders and pulled him in close.  “Even though you do not wish for us to be dating?” 

An embarrassed blush crossed Quill’s cheeks, and he folded his arms against his chest as he spluttered, “Y-yes!  I-I - Massages a-are - They’re… T-they’re  _ intimate _ !” 

Thor didn’t know what on earth possessed him to  _ coo _ , but here he was, finding the pouty expression on Quill’s face to be just so damn  _ adorable _ .  “Oh, Peter, you are just like your old self right now!” 

“Really…?” 

Thor nodded.  “You always got so jealous so  _ easily,  _ and it was always the cutest thing~  You are so  _ adorable _ , Peter~  So cute and so precious to me~” 

Quill’s pout was slowly replaced by curiosity.  “...Did I… get jealous of massages before…?”

“Yes, but this is the first time you have tried to talk me out of one.” Thor was still chuckling.  He rested their foreheads together in affection. “You always pouted when I would go to get a massage, and then I would come home after and I would get a second one from you because you did not wish to be upstaged.” 

Quill  _ laughed _ .  He laughed so genuinely, Thor’s heart raced.  “Did it… always just stay as a massage…?” 

“Oh?  Only sometimes - if we had already made love earlier.  But our massages often did turn into… more intimate things.” 

To Thor’s surprise, Quill’s smile didn’t falter.  Instead, he whispered, “Can… Can I give you a massage when we get home…?” 

Thor knew not to look too deeply into the question; Quill wasn’t asking for sex - he  _ wasn’t _ .  “Of course you can, Peter.  And I will give you one, too.  Your back must be as knotted as mine is.” 

Quill stepped in front of Thor to stop him in order to peck at his lips again.  He stepped back, so shyly Thor felt he was  _ melting _ from adoration.  “...” 

Thor reached out to take Quill’s hand and murmur, “Will you allow me to take you on a date tonight, Peter?  There is a very nice restaurant here we have had dates at before.” 

Slowly, ever so slowly, Quill let a smile break out over his face as he nodded.  That was how Thor knew Quill was making progress. 

* * *

 

Quill hadn’t backed out of the date.  To Thor’s absolute  _ ecstasy,  _ Quill hadn’t backed out, and Thor  _ still  _ couldn’t believe his lover was sitting across from him at the table, waiting patiently for Thor to finish cutting his chicken into small bits that he would be able to eat easier without the back teeth Ego had ripped out of his jaw during Thor’s absence.  

“There we go.” Thor slid Quill’s plate back in front of him now.  “See how that feels for you.” 

Quill couldn’t hold the cutlery easy - not with the splints on his fingers he was starting to think might soon be there permanently.  But still, he was able to eat slowly as it became easier and easier to ignore everyone else around them and focus only on Thor. 

But of course, that was soon made difficult again when Thor’s phone rang, and Thor excused himself to speak to a work client.  “I am sorry, Peter; it is work.” 

Quill sighed sadly as he pushed his food around the plate with his fork.  He tried not to listen - but that was before Thor started talking about him.

“I am happy to meet with you to discuss it; I am having dinner with my partner if tonight suits you.”  The way Thor’s eyes flickered worriedly to Quill’s showed how unhappy he was to make the offer. He was silent for a few moments before he responded to his client.  “Great. Thank you very much; I will see you soon.” 

Quill’s frown grew.  “I don’t want your client here…”

“I know…  I am sorry; sometimes I do not have any choice in the matter,” Thor soothed.  “I would much rather be alone with you, too…” 

Quill sighed.  He said nothing about it; not even when, eventually, Thor’s client showed up and gave him a look of distaste.  Quill wondered if it were all his visible scars. Or that he was interested in other men. Or maybe it was because he was so fucking  _ ugly  _ and  _ disgusting,  _ no one else could stand to be in his presence except for Thor.  

To be honest, it was probably a combination of all three and a  _ shit ton  _ of everything else wrong with Quill because that was a _ fucking  _ long list.  Quill fidgeted uncomfortably.  

“So these are the plans.” The client slid his display folder across the table, seemingly careless as it fell into Quill’s plate and knocked a handful of his carefully cut chicken pieces to the floor.  The man ignored Quill’s pleading look to Thor and carried on as if nothing had happened. “Take a look through them and see if you can do this.” 

Thor’s teeth grit as he accepted the display folder.  He reached his hand out to Quill and murmured, “Come sit next to me, Peter…” 

Quill did as he was told.  He sat close to Thor and picked at his food, but whatever hope he had at ignoring the client vanished when the newcomer’s tone turned rude. 

“Hey.  You. What did you do to your hand?” The client gestured at the massive scarring on the back of Quill’s hand and over his palm from where the knife had been thrust through his hand.  

Quill flinched.  Thor didn’t miss a beat as he calmly reminded, “You have business with me; not with my partner.  Please show him respect; he has been through a lot.” 

The client’s eyes skimmed over Quill uncaringly, and when he spoke, his tone was just as cold.  “How old are you, boy? Twenty? Twenty-one? You still live with a homophobic father from the looks of things.  It’s okay; not everyone judges your disgusting lifestyle.” 

Quill flinched violently when Thor stood up so suddenly, he almost knocked the table over.  He didn’t resist when Thor snatched his hand and tugged him up as well; he kept his head bowed and tried not to think about if there could be any truth to those words because the last thing he wanted was to get it stuck in his head that maybe Yondu hated him, too.  

“We are done here.” Thor wasn’t an abrasive person by any means, so Quill knew that when he spoke so coldly, Thor was  _ pissed _ .  “Come on, Peter; we will go pay.” 

“Hey, I gave you a job to do, so  _ do it _ !” The client shouted.  “I’ll report you to your boss!” 

Thor didn’t so much as look back as he replied.  “I decline. There is plenty more work for me. My boss is not available to hear your concerns, but I am more than happy to give you the number for our biggest shareholder.  I am sure he will be very interested in your case as he does not take these matters lightly.” 

“Give me the number!” 

Thor’s lips twitched into a smirk as he stopped.  He pulled his phone from his pocket and unlocked it.  “What is your phone number? I will text you through the details.” 

Quill watched Thor’s fingers type.  His eyes widened as he saw the name attached to the number Thor had just sent.  He looked at Thor in disbelief. “You didn’t…” 

“I did.” Thor moved his iPhone closer to Quill, as if to prove it.  He held back a laugh. “He will regret ever complaining to Stark about me.” 

Finally, a smile cracked upon Quill’s face as his body relaxed.  “You’re crazy… You’ll get into trouble.” 

“I would rather be in trouble from my boss than have to sit by and listen to someone upset you, Peter,” Thor said softly.  “I let that happen once before… And I will not allow it to occur under my nose ever again.” 

Quill couldn’t help but let his smile grow.  All the stress left his face now as his smile became more sincere.  He shook his head and mumbled, “Told you; you’re crazy, man…” 

“Crazy for  _ you _ .” Thor’s smile was bright as he nuzzled his nose into Quill’s hair.  “I am sorry our date went badly. Are you still hungry? I will get you food on the way home if you still are.” 

Quill’s head shook again.  “Nah… I’m okay…” 

Thor’s legs went weak.  For the first time in so long, Quill was acting more and more like his old self; not the meek, anxiety-ridden man who’d just escaped hell once again - but the strong, humourous  _ survivor  _ who’d battled his demons and come out on top.  

Quill was getting there, one step at a time, and Thor couldn’t wait until Quill made his recovery.  

* * *

 

Thor’s phone vibrated with a new text just as he heard the shower turn off.  He moved his laptop from his lap and onto the couch beside him so he could pull his phone from his pocket and see who was messaging him so late at night.  

_ -Why did I just have to rip some asshole in two for complaining about Quill?-  _ It was Tony, Thor knew, and Thor couldn’t help but chuckle again.

_ -HE WAS UNNECESSARILY CRUEL TO PETER AND HE WANTED TO TALK TO MY BOSS.  I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST AS GOOD FOR HIM TO COMPLAIN TO :) :) :) -  _ Thor was still smiling, knowing Tony would always have his back - especially for Quill’s sake.

_ -Okay, Point Break.  You’re welcome. But don’t go pissing off all your clients or Hammer is gonna have us both by the balls.-  _

_ -BANNER WILL BE VERY JEALOUS AT THAT ;) ;) ;) -  _  Thor’s smile never faltered, even though he knew he probably shouldn’t be joking about such matters with someone else because if Quill ever stumbled upon it, his already-barely-existent self-confidence would most likely take yet another blow.   _ -TELL LOKI AND PETER I LOVE THEM :) :) :)  AND BANNER TOO PLEASE :) :) :) I HAVE TO GO :) :) :) - _

_ -One smiley face per text is perfectly acceptable.  Or better yet; no smiley faces. Have a good night.-  _

_ -YOU TOO ^_^ -   _ Thor tucked his phone back into his pocket so he could get up and find where Quill was at.  He found his lover down the hallway, having just exited the bathroom after getting dressed. Thor smiled so fondly at him, Quill’s face heated up as he fidgeted with his pyjama top shyly.  

“I am glad you had a shower without having to be asked,” Thor murmured.  “It is good to see you with motivation again.” 

Quill’s cheeks reddened.  He looked away. “I wanted to smell nice for you…” 

Thor chuckled.  “You always smell nice for me, sweetheart; I would never let you get to that point when you have no motivation.” 

Quill’s smile became more shy.  He moved forward so he could kiss Thor again, not just a peck this time, but a proper kiss he didn’t seem willing to break any time soon.  

Thor wrapped his arms slowly around Quill to give him time to escape if he didn’t want the embrace.  When they finally parted, he whispered, “Sit on the couch with me…?” 

Quill nodded.  He followed, breathlessly, back to the living room.  He waited until Thor sat on the couch before he pulled himself into his lover’s lap and brought him into another kiss.  

Thor’s hands wandered now, but never down to Quill’s waist or lower back; they caressed his head, his shoulders, his arms and his mid back, but they never strayed too low lest he upset Quill.  

Quill didn’t reject the touches; instead, he seemed to be craving them as it didn’t take long for him to start panting into Thor’s mouth when strong fingers rubbed the knots out of his back.

“You like that…?” Thor’s voice was husky.  He shifted his hips backwards further into the couch to keep his arousal from Quill, but by this point he wasn’t sure it would matter much as Quill was sporting much the same problem.  

Quill nodded.  His nails clawed at Thor’s back through his shirt as he moaned, “Please don’t stop…” 

Thor smiled.  He pulled Quill back into a kiss, kissing him so deeply and  _ desperately,  _ both of them were whimpering messes.  Quill’s body trembled as he clung so desperately to Thor, Thor was sure he was going to be bruised and scratched up in the morning.  

Quill was the first to pull away, but it wasn’t from fear; his back arched, and with a loud cry, his hips shot forward instinctively as a noticeable dampness stained the front of his pants.  He panted heavily, blushing, looking anywhere but at Thor. “S-sorry… I-I don’t… know what happened…” 

Thor smiled gently.  He ignored his own arousal so he could caress Quill’s cheek lovingly.  “Your body is desperate for love and affection, Peter.  _ Gentleness _ .  Your mind may not…  But your body craves to be loved.  My body does the same thing when I am without intimacy for a while.” 

Quill chewed at his lip.  Finally, he whispered, “You would… c- _ come _ , too… if I… loved you…?” 

“With enough physical stimulation, I will,” Thor whispered back.  “But it is okay. I will turn the TV on for us and we - o-oh…” 

Thor groaned loudly when hot breath billowed over his neck seconds before he felt suction against it.  He slid down the couch to spread his legs, but he didn’t encourage Quill to touch; he kept all physical contact firmly on his upper body as he wrapped his arms around Quill’s shoulders and held him close. 

“Peter…” Thor sighed in pleasure as Quill’s splinted fingers rubbed into his sore neck with as much force as they could without agitating the shattered bones.  He closed his eyes and tilted his head to the side to give Quill more room to work with, but just as it had been with Quill, it didn’t take much for Thor to find himself releasing prematurely in his pants, too. 

Thor dragged his fingers through his hair as he gave a stuttery laugh.  “You have just showered and now you are dirty again.” 

Quill smiled shyly as he shrugged.  “Oh, well… I liked it…” 

Thor smiled.  He nuzzled their noses together before he dragged Quill into another kiss.  When they broke apart, he sucked at Quill’s throat. 

Quill let out a soft moan.  He cracked open an eyelid he hadn’t realised had closed so he could murmur, “Thor…  Do you still wanna be my boyfriend…?” 

Thor kissed at the skin he had just worried with his teeth.  “Of course, sweetheart… Always…” 

Quill smiled.  He rested his head against Thor’s shoulder before he whispered, “Good…  I want you back… I just… I-I… I don’t want…  _ sex _ …” 

“I know you do not,” Thor promised.  “May I sleep on the couch with you tonight?” 

Quill shook his head.  He looked to his lap and mumbled, “Too close, man…  T-too close…” 

Thor didn’t want to point out what had just happened not even five minutes ago; instead, he held Quill close as he whispered, “Then you are welcome to join me on my couch any time you wish, Peter.  You do not have to ask.” 

“Thanks…” Quill moved around so he could snuggle in against Thor’s chest.  He yawned. He curled in tight, safe in Thor’s arms. His eyes closed, and he whispered, “Wanna listen to my new CDs with me…?” 

“Of course.  Let’s go change our pants and then put one on.”

It wasn’t hard to get Quill ready for sleep.  All he’d needed was fresh pyjamas and to be tucked in tight on the couch.  In the back of Thor’s mind, he pondered if maybe he was treating Quill  _ too  _ childishly - but at the look of absolute bliss on Quill’s face, he was pretty sure Quill enjoyed the attention he’d never gotten as a child anyway.  

With Quill tucked in on the couch, all that came next was to get Rocket and Sasha to sleep with him, a CD playing quietly to lull him to sleep, and Thor’s presence on the other couch.  Quill was out pretty quick, fast asleep already from such a huge day - but that was a good thing, because prior to the whole Ego situation, Quill would still have been awake until five am without his antidepressants to knock him out.  

Thor hummed along to the CD as he got up to turn the living room lights off.  He turned on the TV instead and muted it so Quill still had his music to help him reach deep sleep, and with that, he pulled his phone from his pocket and played with it in contentment.  

In fact, his night was going so well, Thor had almost thought he was  _ finally  _ going to get a good night’s sleep.  But then, an email came through on his phone to his work account, and Thor felt as if he’d been suckerpunched in the gut.  

After Quill had  _ finally  _ made progress, here Thor’s boss was, wanting to send him across states for a week.  Thor didn’t reply to the email that night - he  _ couldn’t _ , because he needed to talk to Quill about it first.

The problem was, Quill had already been displaying separation anxiety as of late, and Thor had a feeling he wasn’t going to take the news well at  _ all _ .

* * *

 

Thor wasn’t surprised he was woken through the night to Quill’s violent spasms.  It was mostly a nightly thing, where his body jerked and writhed painfully because of the strangulations that had cut him off from so much oxygen.  Thor was tired, but still, he didn’t hesitate to get up and reach for the medication on the coffee table that was supposed to help with the spasms. 

“Oh, Peter, I am sorry…” Thor sighed when he opened the medication box and realised he had forgotten to give Quill his nightly medication.  He wondered if he could give it to Quill now; if it would help him or make matters worse - but the thing with Quill’s medicine was, they had to be careful or his breathing would restrict again.  

From what Thor could make out in the darkness, Quill hadn’t quite woken up just yet.  His face was scrunched up in pain, and his teeth were grit together, but he hadn’t woken.  Thor didn’t know if that was a blessing or a curse. 

But finally, Quill’s eyes snapped open with a whimper, and all he could do was wince his way through the pain.  

Thor hated sleeping on separate couches.  If Quill would just… let them lay together, Thor could hold him through this!  ...But of course, Quill was scared, and it could never be his fault… 

Thankfully, the spasms didn’t last too long, but Thor didn’t go back to sleep - and apparently, Quill didn’t either as he got up from the couch and started wandering through the house.  Thor was curious as to what he was doing, but he decided asking right now wasn’t the best course of action; his questions could wait until morning.

Whatever Quill had been doing, he came back not that long later.  Thor wondered if he’d gone to Yondu’s side for something, but whatever suspicions he had didn’t last long when he felt his blankets being lifted and a warm body snuggled in close against his own. 

Thor’s breath caught in his throat, and he almost didn’t know what to do.  Should he let Quill know he was awake? Or pretend he was still sleeping so Quill didn’t feel obligated to try and keep his eyes open?

In the end, Thor chose the middle ground.  With his eyes still shut, he reached out to slowly stroke his fingers through Quill’s hair.  Quill purred and pressed into the contact, but he didn’t speak; he simply let himself drift back into sleep, leaving Thor to hold him for the first time in so long, Thor wasn’t surprised by the silent tears rolling down his cheeks. 

Thor kept his nose buried in Quill’s hair for the rest of the night.  He couldn’t go back to sleep; he could only turn the TV on and savour the moment until it would inevitably end with Quill’s awakening.

For now, however, this was perfect, and Thor wouldn’t trade it for the world.  


	15. Chapter 15

Quill didn’t take business trips well - so the more that Thor was sent away on them, the worse Quill’s separation anxiety became.  It was a double-edged blade; if Thor brought Quill with him, Quill would shut down in the hotel room from stress. If Quill stayed home, he would shut down from the anxiety of being away from Thor and not knowing if he was safe.  

Five months later, Thor was still at a loss as to what he was supposed to do about Quill.  He knew he couldn’t turn down the business trips of he’d lose his job, so he did the only thing he _was_ sure he could do; every time he returned home, he gave Quill all the love and attention he was capable of.  

Like now, as he unlocked the front door to Yondu’s home and listened closely for Quill.  

“Peter?” Thor made a beeline for the living room, but to his surprise, Quill wasn’t there.  He wasn’t as concerned as he would have been a few months ago; Quill had been making so much progress as of late, he’d started leaving the living room on his own without needing Thor to go with him.  “Sweetheart?”

The back door was open, so Thor poked his head out.  His heart sped up in adoration at what he found; he _knew_ Quill had known what was best for him when he’d asked to get a service dog - for the first time since everything had happened, Quill had gone outside without Thor.  

“Peter?” Thor came to sit on the verandah steps next to Quill.  He clutched tightly to the bunch of flowers he’d bought on his way home, wanting so badly to see the joy on Quill’s face when he’d pass them over.  “I have missed you~”

Quill jumped at Thor’s voice, but still, when he turned around to look at his boyfriend, the pure bliss on his face was all that Thor needed to see.  He dropped the tennis balls he’d been throwing for both Sasha and his new service dog, Cosmo, and without lifting from the step he sat on, he wrapped both his arms around Thor’s neck and _hugged_.  “Thor!”

Thor returned the embrace with one arm so he could present the flower bunch to Quill.  He kissed Quill’s forehead before he murmured, “Why are you sitting out in the rain?”

Quill accepted the flowers so happily, his jaw hurt from how wide his smile was.  He sniffed the flowers before he moved to the side so he could curl against Thor’s warm body.  The anxiety-ridden mess he had presented with for so long had almost vanished, and instead, he seemed so much like his old self, Thor could almost pretend the pain deep in Quill’s eyes was nothing more than a trick of the light.

“I’m sitting under the roof, dude; the rain doesn’t get under here. You worry too much."  Quill rolled his eyes playfully.  For the briefest of moments, Thor saw the pain in his eyes fade.  "Yondu is building kennels for Sasha and Cosmo. I was helping him but he had to go get more wood. I wanted to stay outside for a bit and play with the dogs.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Thor smiled brightly as he nuzzled his nose into Quill’s hair.  “Are you cold? Would you like to come on a walk with me?”

Quill responded in the form of a deep kiss.  He pulled himself onto Thor’s lap and entangled his arms around his lover’s neck to hold on properly as their tongues danced together.  When they broke away, he whispered, “You just got back…”

“I know.” Thor cupped Quill’s cheek as he kissed the tip of Quill’s nose.  “But I have missed you. I have been stuck in meeting after meeting… And it is not interesting to go on a nice walk without you by my side to explore with me.”

Quill’s smile was still bright.  He ducked his head so he could kiss at Thor’s neck.  There was a slight shudder in his arms that Thor felt, showing he was still nervous at the idea of leaving the house, but still, he nodded.  “Okay. Can we bring the dogs?”

“I would not have it any other way,” Thor assured.  He knew Yondu would have been taking the dogs for walks in Thor’s stead, but still, he hated to think that maybe they hadn’t gotten to stretch their legs as much as they should have during his absence with just how busy Yondu had been as of late.  “Go get them ready; I will find an umbrella in case it starts to rain.”

Quill kissed Thor again for good measure before he slowly pushed himself to his feet and walked out onto the grass so he could fetch the dog toys he’d been playing with.  He brought them inside so nobody could wander into the fenceless yard and steal them, and with that, he went to fetch their vests and leashes.

It didn’t take long for Quill to be ready, and once he was, he held Cosmo’s leash tightly in a sweaty palm while Thor took hold of Sasha.  They stepped outside, Quill’s hand held tightly in Thor’s.

“Sasha’s fur has all grown back,” Thor announced in approval.  He smiled. “You have been doing great with her.”

Quill smiled.  “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”

Thor nodded.  He admired the glossy black fur that was so long, Quill took great pleasure out of brushing it every day.  They’d gotten no further past the neighbour’s home before Thor stopped to pull his phone from his pocket. He passed his umbrella to Quill so he could see who had just messaged him.

 _-Hey, babe, you still up for tonight?-_  Thor flinched and angled his phone so Quill couldn’t see it.  He cleared his throat.

“Who’s that?” Quill wasn’t suspicious, but he _was_ curious about what could make Thor look so uneasy all of a sudden.

“Ah…  It is Sif.” Thor sighed.  His fingers typed back quickly, hoping to be done with it.   _-I TOLD YOU I WOULD CONTACT YOU ON MY OWN TERMS.  I AM HOME WITH PETER NOW SO DO NOT MESSAGE ME AGAIN.  I DO NOT WANT HIM KNOWING.-_

“Who’s Sif?” Quill looked over Thor’s shoulder as he heard a door closing from the house they were still standing in front of.  

“She is… no one…” Thor hated not telling Quill things.  He’d always done his best to be as honest as he could with Quill, but sometimes…  

Some things were best left unsaid.

Quill didn’t question it; instead, he walked away from Thor so he could approach his elderly neighbour slowly ambling down the walkway of her home.  He held their umbrella out over her so the stray spits of rain didn’t hit her, and as he did so, he _smiled_.

“Oh!  Peter!” She looked so happy to see Quill, he couldn’t help but feel his heart warm in appreciation.  “I have not seen you for so long! I thought you moved out?”

“I did; I moved in with my boyfriend.” Quill turned around so he could walk her towards Thor.  “Mrs. Hambledon, this is my boyfriend, Thor.”

“Hello.” Thor was as welcoming as ever as he slowed his pace down to a crawl to walk with the woman.  

“Do you want us to drive you anywhere so you’re out of the rain?” Quill offered.  

“Oh, no, don’t be silly!  The bus stop is right ahead!” She clapped Quill on the arm playfully.  Thor almost cried at how Quill didn’t even _flinch_.  Mrs. Hambledon turned to Thor now.  “You are very lucky to have this boy; he was always just the sweetest thing.”

Thor chuckled.  “I am _very_ happy with Peter.  I love him very much.”

The old woman’s smile widened further before she added, “Yondu must be very happy you are back, Peter; he has been so lonely since you moved out.”

Quill felt warmer than he had before; to have someone _other_ than Thor reassure him that he _was_ loved…  It meant so much to him.

They walked her to the bus stop just in time for the bus to arrive.  She was frail, somewhere in her nineties, Thor suspected, and with her walking frame, the bus was probably a challenge for her.  

“Here, let me help you.” Quill didn’t even think twice about passing Cosmo’s leash to Thor so he could help his neighbour slowly up the bus steps.  He stood with her as she dug into her handbag to find her coin bag, and when she gave him a disappointed look to explain she’d left her coins at home, Quill reached into his pocket and grabbed his wallet out.  He didn’t have much in there, only two ten-dollar bills Yondu had given him the day prior in case he wanted any food delivered. He gave her one. “Here, you can have this. And keep the change so you can get home, okay?  Let me help you to a seat.”

Quill didn’t take long to return to Thor’s side, and when he did, he was greeted with a warm, deep and _loving_ kiss.  Thor’s thumb caressed his cheekbone when their lips parted.  

“You are… the most beautiful person…” Thor whispered.  “Did you think twice about anything you did for her?”

Quill shook his head.  “I’ve known her since Yondu took me in.  Yondu set me up to help her with her chores, and she would bake me cakes and cookies and all that stuff for me in return.”

Thor kissed Quill again before he whispered, “And had you always remembered that, or did it come back to you recently?”

Quill chewed at his lip as he considered the question before finally, he answered.  “...I… It… came back to me… But I didn’t even _realise_ …”

Thor’s smile widened.  “That means you are getting better still.  I am very pleased.”

Quill smiled back.  He took Cosmo’s leash again so they could keep walking.  He hummed to himself happily, until Thor caught his attention once more.

“Would you mind if I were to go to the gym with my friend tonight?” Thor asked softly.  “Rogers has been wanting to try a new program with me, and I told him I would come back when I feel you are doing better.”

Quill frowned deeply.  The familiar tremble returned to his hands as he whispered, “I don’t know, man…  Yondu said he’s busy tonight…”

“I will stay with you if you need me to,” Thor promised.  “I just… It would be nice to see my friends again…”

Quill realised how fucking selfish he had been now.  He was so selfish, he’d made Thor feel as if he couldn’t even see his friends.  He’d demanded his lover’s constant attention and when he couldn’t have it, he’d curl up into a ball and cry until Thor came back.  Thor would tell him it wasn’t his fault, but honestly? ...Quill was no fucking better than Ego at the way he’d unintentionally isolated Thor from his friends - and though he couldn’t quite remember to be sure, he was certain he’d done the same thing _before_ Ego had come back, too.  

Quill sucked in a shuddery breath.  “...Thor… I’m sorry… Y-you can go…  I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t be isolating you…”

“You are _not_ isolating me,” Thor promised.  “I am _choosing_ to be with you - of my own free will.”

“But, still, I’m selfish…  I’m making you feel like you _have_ to be with me…  I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to be abusive…”

“Peter, you are _far_ from abusive.  Do not mistake my concern for _abuse_ , sweetheart.”

Quill sighed.  He looked down as Cosmo nudged at him, a warning that his anxiety levels were shooting upwards.  He took another breath. “...G-go to the gym… I’ll be fine, man…”

Thor nodded.  He wasn’t going to argue; Quill was only trying to do what he thought was the right thing for him.  “You know you are welcome to join us, Peter. You used to come with me all the time - we would get up early in the mornings so it would just be us.”

Quill nodded.  He wasn’t happy about what he’d just done, but at least _Thor_ would be happy for once.  ...Right? He hoped so.

* * *

 

Quill was indeed regretting his decision to let Thor go to the gym.  Not because he didn’t want Thor there, or because he didn’t like Thor being with other people.  Not at all. Rather, with Yondu out grocery shopping, he was home alone with only Rocket and the dogs for company, and he was _on edge_.

Quill felt like he was living in a horror movie.  He knew how fucking stupid he was, but every time the wind shifted something outside, or a shadow passed in the corner of his eye, he got it stuck in his head that Ego was out there somewhere, watching him and _waiting_ .  He was trying _so hard_ to distract himself with the TV, but it wasn’t working; every tiny noise had his heart racing.  

He had almost been able to soothe his overactive imagination and remind himself that Ego couldn’t get him anymore - and though he knew how _pathetic_ he was to do so, all progress he’d made vanished when the tree outside he’d _hated_ since he was a boy started scraping against the living room window and reminded him just how _little_ he was.  

Quill’s heart raced.  In the deepest recesses of his mind, he knew it was only the tree branch that had haunted him since his arrival to Yondu’s thirteen years ago, but no matter how hard he tried to convince his anxiety that was all it was, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was being watched.

The slight movement in the corner of his eye had Quill jumping to his feet and cursing loudly.  His mouth went dry as he realised the window was open, rustling the curtains, but no matter how badly he wanted to leap across to shut and _lock_ it, he felt paralysed; what if someone had gotten inside?  What if Ego was hiding behind the couch?

Quill let out a sob.  His hands clenched by his sides as he chewed at his lip.  He wanted to call someone, to beg them to come home - but how could he?  He didn’t have a phone anymore, and even if he did, he probably wouldn’t have recognised any of the contacts in it.  

Something banged from the back of the house.  Quill choked on his own saliva at his gasp of horror.  His legs almost gave out from under him as he recalled everything that had happened to him in his past.  He reached up to rip at his hair as he tried not to cry; after everything that had happened…

Why couldn’t he just find _peace_?

Sasha and Cosmo barking from their kennels outside was what set Quill off.  He collapsed to his knees and slapped his hands over his ears as he looked around desperately to see who was after him.  He almost couldn’t move - but then he thought about his dogs’ safety, and if anything happened to them because he couldn’t protect them…!

He fled to the back door. His hand shook as he held on tight to the handle, but finally, he pulled it open and poked his head out. The dogs were still barking at something, off in the distance too deep in the darkness for Quill to see, so he unclipped the tethers from their collars and dragged them inside.  He slammed the back door shut and locked it before he run to the window to do the same thing.

“Breathe…” Quill was trying so hard to calm himself. He looked down when he felt Cosmo nudging him again, but before he could do anything, he realised he didn’t know where Rocket was.  “ _Rocket!_ ”

Quill’s first instinct was to tear apart the house in search of his raccoon, but that was before the doorbell rang, and Quill could only howl in distress. He fell onto the couch, curled into a ball as he was wracked by panic attacks.  

Minutes passed by, but to Quill it felt like hours, until a key was pushed into the lock and the door was swung open.  Quill braced himself for death; he could only hope it would come swiftly.

“Petey?”

Quill looked over the back of the couch at Yondu’s voice. He sobbed loudly as he rushed over to wrap his arms around Yondu’s middle and yelp, “S-someone’s h-here!  Rocket! Where’s Rocket?!”

Yondu grabbed Quill’s shoulder and squeezed. His tone turned serious now.  “Someone’s here?”

Quill nodded.  “T-the window was open!”

Yondu relaxed now.  “Petey, I left it open and forgot to close it.  You’re safe. I promise.”

Quill shook his head. “N-no!  I h-heard someone!”

“Alright, I’ll go look.”

Quill followed behind Yondu with his fist gripping tightly to the back of the man’s shirt.  He couldn’t relax; not until he found Rocket chewing at the bed frame of Quill’s old bed, and not another person in the house.  He wiped at his eyes.

“You alright, boy?” Yondu was worried. “Thor not home yet?”

Quill shook his head. He sniffed back tears. “No…”

“Alright. Go get the dogs and come sit with me in the study,” Yondu suggested.  “Meet you in there; I gotta get the groceries outta the car.”

Quill nodded. He gathered the dogs and carried Rocket into the study, not willing to leave any of his pets out of his sight in case there really was someone in the house.

Quill sat at his old computer he’d left behind when he’d moved out and turned the screen back on. He found Thor had been using it last, most likely to play his Facebook games as he was still logged into his account.  Quill didn’t mind, and he didn’t snoop; he simply opened a new tab so he could go to YouTube and find something good to watch about space in hopes it would help distract him.

Yondu came back quickly, getting to work on looking over his employees’ rosters so he could set out to pay them all.  He didn’t mind Quill’s computer playing softly behind him; it was comforting to have Quill back.

Quill, who had become so absorbed in YouTube, jumped when he heard the familiar ping of a new message on Facebook. He paused the video so he could click back and check it, and when he saw a new chat box from someone named Sif, he chewed at his lip as he tried so hard to remember having the conversation he was looking at.

Quill remembered now it was Thor’s account he was looking at once he saw the dots appear that someone else was replying to the conversation, so he almost clicked the entire tab off - he stopped when he saw Thor’s reply.

_-YOU DO NOT NEED TO HANDLE PETER; I WILL TALK TO HIM AND I WILL TELL HIM MYSELF.  I WILL HAVE TO MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND FIRST-_

Quill swallowed thickly. He didn’t understand why those words rubbed him the wrong way, and though he knew he shouldn’t, he scrolled upwards through the conversation.  

From behind Quill, Yondu jumped when Quill banged his fist into the desk. He spun around.  “You ‘right, Petey?”

Quill shook his head.  He mumbled something inaudible as he picked Rocket up again and carried him out of the study so Quill could curl up on the couch and _hope_ there _was_ someone hiding inside who wanted to kill him, because he knew, no matter how hard he could try, he would never be able to get the images of those naked female bodies out of his mind.

  



	16. Chapter 16

Thor noticed a definite change in Quill two days later.  He couldn’t put his finger on what could have caused it, but Quill had been distant as of late.  His affectionate nature had become more withdrawn, but even Yondu seemed at a loss as to what had happened; all he knew was that Quill had suffered some sort of breakdown while he’d been home alone, and Quill wouldn’t tell him what was bothering him. 

It seemed Thor didn’t have to wait long to find out what the problem was, because Quill approached him that night, looking so unsure of himself, Thor’s heart broke.  

“Thor…?” Quill chewed at the inside of his cheek as he fumbled his hands together in front of him.  He hesitated, as if he were afraid to voice what was on his mind, but finally, he mumbled, “Can I look through your messages…?” 

Thor raised his eyebrow.  He went to pull his phone from his pocket, but his hand froze midway.  “Why?” 

Quill’s fidgeting worsened.  “...Just because…” 

“You have never asked to look through my phone before - and I would never in a million years want to go through yours,” Thor explained.  

Quill made a frustrated sound.  His head felt clouded, cloudier than it had been in a while since he’d gotten out of the hospital, and it made it hard for him to regulate his thoughts and emotions.  He stomped his foot on the ground to try and get his frustration out. “Just let me see!” 

Thor blinked in disbelief.  His hand still did not move.  “Peter,  _ talk to me _ .  Why do you want to see my phone?” 

“ _ Show me, damnit _ !” Quill threw his weight forward to try and wrestle the phone from Thor.  Though he, too, was strong, Thor was stronger and held him off. Quill still scratched and clawed, though; after everything he had been through, all the  _ years  _ he had spent learning how to manage his anger and vent his emotions properly may as well have been imaginary as he felt himself imploding on the spot.  

“Peter!” Thor  _ hated  _ yelling at Quill - especially when he was already so upset - but now was no time to baby Quill; he was getting aggressive, and the fact that he no longer knew how to express himself calmly made the situation dangerous.  “Peter,  _ stop _ !  You are  _ not  _ looking through my phone!” 

“Because you’re cheating on me with some stupid bitch!” Quill screamed back.  His nails clawed the side of Thor’s face before his hand was slapped away. 

“ _ Peter!  Settle down! _ ” When Thor roared at someone, it was best to sit the fuck down and be quiet.  Quill knew that - but did he listen? No. His writhing only became worse. “ _ Peter!   _ I have put up with so much from you, but this is too far now!” 

“So go be with that bitch instead!” Quill screamed back.  “If you’re so unhappy with me, why are you still here?! Just piss off!” 

Thor grabbed Quill by the shoulders and pulled him onto his lap so he could curl one arm around his body and pin his arms to his side.  Quill’s legs were still free to kick and thrash, but that was easily settled by wrapping his legs around them to hold them still as well.  “You want to look through my phone, Peter?! Then we will look through it together! Who is it I am cheating on you with?!” 

Quill was screaming and thrashing again, but not from anger.  Thor loosened his hold, knowing full-well Quill had always been terrified of feeling like he were being restrained - but right now, he was too mad to bring himself to feel bad over it.  

Thor finally pulled his phone from his pocket and unlocked it.  He wouldn’t let Quill go, not even after he’d started crying and begging to be released.  “Tell me, Peter! Who is my side-lover?!” 

For as gentle as both men naturally were, neither of them had great control over their emotions.  Quill, who acted more childishly and threw tantrums when he was upset, wasn’t as bad - but  _ Thor,  _ who had  _ so much anger  _ bottled up and had never received counselling for all the troubles he’d had in his life, tended to  _ erupt _ .  He wasn’t violent - not normally; not since he’d stopped doing drugs and had learnt how to keep a lid on his negative emotions - but given the right buttons were pushed, he  _ was  _ known for striking people.  

Thor  _ never  _ wanted to hit Quill, though.   _ Never _ .  But right now, he was finding it incredibly difficult to hold back - perhaps that was why he couldn’t stop himself from squeezing Quill tightly against him.  “Stop struggling! Look at my phone!  _ Look at it _ !  You wanted to see it!” 

“Let me go!” Quill was screaming in so much terror, rivers of tears rolled down his cheeks.  “Fucker! Get off!” 

Thor shook Quill aggressively to try and get him to quieten down.  “Damnit, Peter! I said be quiet! Stop screaming! Peter! Stop.  _ Screaming _ !” 

Quill shut up.  Not because he’d chosen to, but because he was so stunned from being thrown to the ground, he  _ couldn’t  _ make a sound; he could only stare at Thor with wide, fearful eyes as he tried to understand what had just happened.  

Thor stared back, in so much disbelief, he couldn’t say a word.  “...” 

Quill finally came to his senses.  He scooted backwards until his back hit the wall.  He flinched. “S-stay away from me! You’re  _ horrible _ !” 

Thor looked at his hands.  His throat had seized up so tightly, he felt like he couldn’t even  _ breathe _ .  He’d seen this before - he’d  _ lived  _ this before, except instead of with a partner, it’d been with Loki, and Loki had ran away for a  _ month  _ before Thor had been able to find him and convince him to come home.  It had been why he’d stopped drinking and doing drugs; he’d learnt then and there what he was turning into - and it seemed that after all that hard work, he was  _ still  _ turning into it anyway.  

Thor snatched his phone from the couch so he could send a text.  He didn’t know who to send it to specifically, so he made a group message to everyone he was close to.   _ -i need help- _

And that, was how everyone knew that Quill wasn’t the only person  _ broken _ in the relationship. 

* * *

 

“Tell me again why you thought it was a good idea to throw him onto the ground.” 

Thor flinched at Bruce’s voice.  He was sitting on the verandah steps in the backyard, not looking at  _ any  _ of the people who had responded to his text and rushed over to see what was happening.  “...” 

Bruce, who was sitting at the outdoor dining table a few feet away from Thor, turned his attention back to Quill.  Quill was sitting next to him, allowing Bruce to nurse his swollen wrist as he held an ice bag to it. “You threw someone to the ground - someone who is  _ already physically frail from prior abuse,  _ Thor.  You could have seriously hurt him!  His wrist is  _ sprained _ !  Do you  _ know  _ how easily he could have broken it in his condition?!” 

Thor sniffed.  Finally, he spoke.  “...I… I got mad…” 

“ _ Everyone  _ gets mad!” Tony yelled.  His face was beet red, and he looked ready to commit murder.  “Okay! Doesn’t give you the right to  _ push  _ someone!” 

From on Quill’s other side, Gamora snapped as well.  In the back of her mind, she knew just how lucky it was that Yondu was away on business or there  _ would  _ have been bloodshed.  “You think you can shove him around?!  After  _ everything  _ he’s been through!” 

“I don’t care  _ how mad  _ you were!  You  _ don’t  _ go  _ throwing people to the ground _ !” Tony roared.  “Even  _ Banner  _ knows better than that!” 

Thor sniffed.  What hurt the most was how  _ silent  _ Quill had been throughout all this, as if he were afraid that if he were to so much as make a sound, Thor would beat him.  In all actuality, Quill probably  _ did  _ think that.  

Thor sent a pleading look to Tony.  Just this once, he dropped his pride as he whispered, “I need help…  I am… not well…”

“Don’t you  _ dare  _ act like that’s an excuse for what you just did!” Tony snapped.  “There is  _ no excuse  _ for what you’ve just done!  If you need help,  _ fine _ ; I’ll organise that today!  But don’t you think for  _ one second  _ there is  _ any  _ excuse for being abusive to your partner!  He  _ loves  _ you, Thor!  But after what you just did, you’ll be lucky if he ever wants to see you again!  If Quill is smart, he’ll find  _ someone else  _ who doesn’t fucking shove him around!” 

“Tony, you’re making things worse,” Bruce said softly.  “Thor… Tell us what happened.” 

Thor ducked his head.  He closed his eyes as he took a deep breath to try and compose himself.  “...I… We had an argument… Peter asked to see my phone… He was concerned I have been cheating on him…  I did not allow him to look through my phone…” 

“You know who does that?” Gamora’s eyes narrowed.  “ _ Cheaters _ .” 

“Please, don’t…” Bruce murmured.  “Let him finish…” 

Thor nodded.  “Peter got upset with me…  Very upset… In turn, I… I got  _ angry _ …  I treated him with coldness and cruelty…  And then I  _ snapped _ …”

“I thought you had counselling for your anger?” Tony’s voice softened now as understanding flooded him.  

Thor shook his head.  “I told Loki I was getting treatment so he would come back home…  But I have never been to receive treatment…” 

Steve, who had been standing so silently against the sliding glass door, finally spoke up.  “Why didn’t you ever tell anyone? We could have helped you with that…” 

Thor bowed his head.  “I did not wish to be judged for my weakness…” 

“Yeah?  Well, you fucked up on that one, Point Break, because  _ now  _ look at you!” Tony threw his arms up in the air.  “Fuck it. You’re getting help. I’ll  _ drag  _ you there by your girly  _ hair _ if I have to, buddy.  After what you just did?  You aren’t going  _ without  _ help.” 

Thor looked to Quill.  He hated to see his lover look away so quickly in fear.  “Peter… I am so sorry…” 

“Sorry doesn’t cut it!” Gamora scolded.  “You don’t just  _ apologise  _ for something like that!” 

“She’s right, Thor…” Bruce wrapped his arm around Quill’s shoulder to comfort him.  “That isn’t how it works. You can’t just hurt someone and expect them to forgive you - I thought you of all people would understand that…” 

“No, it was wrong of me…” Thor admitted.  “You are right; Peter does not deserve to have  _ anyone  _ hurt him…  I just… I…  I am…” 

When Thor started crying, everyone fell silent.  Tony put his hand on Thor’s shoulder and cleared his throat uncomfortably; how the  _ fuck  _ was he supposed to proceed?  “...Look… Buddy… You’re as hurt as Quill is…  The mindset you  _ both  _ must be in…  We can’t even imagine…  It’s… It’s probably as much our faults, here…” 

Tony looked to Bruce, not knowing how to finish his sentence.  Bruce, however, knew exactly what to say. 

“Thor, we’ve known you for a very long time - we’ve known you’ve always been in  _ pain _ …” Bruce looked to his lap.  “We knew… But we didn’t try and help you…  Loki told us you were seeing a therapist - we thought you were going to be okay.  ...But you weren’t… As your friends - and honestly, by that point, we may as well have been your  _ legal guardians!  _ \- we shouldn’t have ignored you the way we did…  We saw you were still angry, but we thought you were going to get better.  ...And yet, years later, we saw that anger in you - and we  _ still  _ failed to  _ help  _ you…” 

Tony squeezed Thor’s shoulder.  “We aren’t going to fail you again, Point Break.  This is the last straw. Don’t you think for  _ one second  _ we’re excusing what you’ve done to Quill…  If you weren’t in so much pain, we’d have taken Quill with us and never spoken to you again.  ...But we get it… You’ve tried  _ hard _ …  But you can’t do it on your own…” 

Thor wiped at his eyes.  He nodded. “...” 

Steve came to sit next to Bruce.  He looked ready to cry himself as he tenderly murmured, “If we’ve got that established, can we talk about  _ why  _ Quill wanted to look at your phone…?  Did you do something to make him worry, Thor?” 

Thor chewed at his lip.  He curled his hands into fists as he tried to fight back his anxiety.  Finally, he looked at Quill, and he spoke in such a strangled tone, he wasn’t sure it was his voice he was hearing.  “...Peter… Whatever I did to make you think I do not love you…  _ Please  _ explain it to me, sweetheart…” 

Quill sniffed back his own tears now.  “...I saw your Facebook messages… That person…  Sif… She was sending you naked pictures… And you didn’t tell her off…  Your reply to her sounded like you were trying to hide something from me…  Why would you let her send you those photos…?” 

Thor sighed.  “Peter… It is  _ not  _ what you  _ think  _ it is, baby…  She sent me those photos  _ before  _ we got together - I never told her off because I  _ ignored  _ them!  I was not interested  _ then,  _ and I certainly am not  _ now! _  I recently unblocked her because before Ego, we had a fallout you do not remember.  You are  _ right  _ to be concerned; she put it in your head  _ before  _ that I  _ was  _ cheating on you…  In  _ both  _ our heads!  But after everything that had happened…  She contacted me again. She wanted to apologise to me.  Apologise to  _ you _ .  I told her she could, but I had to speak to you about it first…   _ That  _ is what you were seeing!” 

Quill sniffed back tears as he grit his teeth.  “Then why wouldn’t you just show me your phone and  _ tell me _ ?!” 

“Because I knew if you saw those photos, you  _ would  _ think I was cheating on you!  I almost  _ did  _ give you my phone - and then I  _ remembered  _ about them!  I am  _ not  _ cheating on you, Peter!  You can go as far through my phone as you wish to - you will  _ never  _ find me being unfaithful to you!  I have not even visited adult sites since early in our relationship!  Still, I have no concerns watching  _ you  _ do so, Peter!  Because I  _ love  _ you, and I want you to be  _ happy _ !” 

Quill fell silent now.  He reached up to wipe his tears away.  “...You… You  _ threw  _ me…” 

“I know…  And I am  _ so  _ remorseful, Peter!” Thor was almost begging now.  “Please… I understand I have to get help… I will not lie this time!  Not to  _ you _ !” 

Quill looked at his friends, seeking their help.  It was Steve who broke the silence. “We will  _ make sure  _ he sees someone, Quill…  And if he ever hurts you again, we  _ will  _ step in.  You  _ both  _ are our friends, and we don’t want to see  _ either  _ of you like this.” 

Quill nodded.  He took a deep breath before he forced out, “I don’t forgive you for throwing me…  But, like… I’ve hit you before when I’ve been upset… Sorry… Let’s try again… But I’ll leave if you ever do that to me again…” 

Thor nodded.  He wiped at his wet eyes again.  “...I… I just need some time to sort my head out…  Stark, can I come over for a bit…?” 

“Yeah.” Tony locked eyes with Bruce.  “Banner, you stay here with Quill - keep an  _ eye  _ on him…”

Bruce didn’t protest; he knew the concern behind Tony’s words; they were probably  _ all  _ concerned that Quill would do something stupid to himself if he were left alone.

“I’ll stay, too,” Gamora promised.  

Quill was the first to stand up.  “I’m going to sleep…” 

Quill didn’t know what else happened outside; the second his head hit the pillow on the couch, he was asleep.  


	17. Chapter 17

Quill looked up from his phone when he heard his bedroom door open.  His cheeks flushed with embarrassment as he found Thor standing in the doorway, observing him curiously.  He tried to act nonchalant as he mumbled, “Hey, man…” 

There was amusement on Thor’s face as his eyes flickered over the bed Quill had clambered onto for the first time since they’d arrived at Yondu’s almost a year ago.  Not to say Thor wasn’t happy, though; if Quill had gotten over his trauma enough to actually sit on a damned mattress again, he wouldn’t complain - not if his back could  _ finally  _ get a break from the harsh sleeping positions the couch forced him into. 

“Hello.” A smirk found its way into Thor’s expression as a playful glint entered his eyes.  “Yondu told me I would find you in your bedroom. I was surprised when he said it. Something special, Peter?” 

Quill blushed scarlet at the question.  He moved over on his bed to make room for Thor, but when he was in danger of almost falling off the edge, he wondered if maybe he should have taken up Yondu’s offer of a new bed after all.  He shook his head. “Nah… Just… Just relaxing…”

“Oh?” Thor came over to lay on the mattress behind Quill.  He rested his chin on his lover’s shoulder and tried to see what was on Quill’s phone screen.  “ _ Relaxing _ , are you?” 

Quill nodded, a little  _ too  _ quickly.  Thor knew it was a lie.  He turned his head to the side so he could kiss Thor.  “How was therapy?” 

Thor pulled Quill into his arms and held him tight.  “It was helpful today. I have been feeling better lately.” 

“You’re acting a lot better, too…” Quill whispered.  He kissed Thor again, long and deep, before they broke apart and he laid down to rest his head on his pillow.  “You’ve been loads happier, man.” 

“You are no longer afraid of me?” Thor whispered, with so much fear in his voice, Quill’s stomach churned as he thought about the way he’d been acting towards Thor ever since their fight two months ago.  It hadn’t been right of him to cower around Thor as much as he had, but the more therapy Thor went through, the more he acted like his old self  _ before  _ Ego happened, and the more Quill fell in love with him all over again. 

Quill shook his head.  “You haven’t shoved at me again; it was a… once off…  I overreacted…” 

“You did  _ not  _ overreact; you responded appropriately to physical harm, and I do not deserve to still be by your side for doing that to you,” Thor promised.  He reached out to caress Quill’s cheek before he moved his hand upwards to play with his hair instead. He changed the subject, albeit in a knowing tone.  “What are you doing in here? It has been a long time since you have come into your bedroom, and Yondu laughed when he told me you were in here.”

“Oh,  _ don’t _ , man…” Quill turned his head to the side so Thor couldn’t see how embarrassed he was.  “It’s stupid…” 

Thor smirked again.  He nuzzled his lips against Quill’s ear before he whispered, his hot breath billowing over Quill’s earlobe, “Are you watching porn, Peter?” 

Quill almost choked on his own saliva at the question.  He cleared his throat and looked away. “...So what if I am…?” 

Thor’s smirk widened.  He nuzzled Quill’s neck with his nose.  “If you are… I can leave you in peace… This is the first time you have felt interest in sex since…  _ that _ …  Is it not?” 

Quill swallowed, but it was difficult to squeeze it past the lump in his throat.  “You can say it, man… Ego…  _ raped  _ me…  You can say it…” 

“You do not like to hear it,” Thor pointed out.  

Quill shrugged.  He reached out to put his hand on top of Thor’s and rub his fingertips into his lover’s warm flesh.  “It happened… No point sugar-coating it… He raped me - it  _ happened  _ again, and I’ve  _ faced _ it again…”

Thor took Quill’s hand in his and held on tight.  “Tell me what you need from me, Peter. I will give it to you.” 

With a soft kiss to Thor’s cheek, Quill murmured, “Just stay with me…?  I know you like to watch…” 

Thor’s smile was gentle,  _ pleased _ .  He resumed his patting of Quill’s head as he laid on his side and propped himself up with his elbow to get a better view.  “I do not; I  _ love  _ to watch.  I love to see you feeling so good, Peter~” 

Quill smiled back, relaxed now.  He gripped the edge of his blankets, but he hesitated before he pulled them back and revealed his hardened self.  His jeans had been unzipped, but they weren’t pushed down - not yet; not until Quill tentatively lowered them so he could free his arousal.  He licked his lips before he picked his phone up again and resumed the video he’d been watching. 

Thor felt his mouth go dry as he watched Quill’s hand wrap around himself and  _ stroke _ .  It had been so long since Quill had done this, Thor had never realised how  _ hungry  _ he was to see it again.  His pants tightened, but he didn’t touch; for now, he only wanted to watch.  He moved his body closer to Quill’s to bask in his lover’s warmth.

Quill’s eyes closed as he listened to the sounds coming from his phone.  He cracked one eyelid open to see what was happening now, the two girls in the video in a sixty-nine position.  His eyes closed again as a soft moan escaped him. 

Thor chuckled.  It was no secret Quill had a preference for two girls together - in fact, from what he’d spoken to Yondu about over time, he was pretty sure Quill had been introduced to sex through girl-on-girl action as he’d still been very afraid of men by that point in his life.  If that was what was happening here, as sad as it was, Thor couldn’t be surprised about it. 

“Are you enjoying that?”  Thor’s smile widened at Quill’s nod.  He rubbed his fingers against Quill’s head as he leaned down to steal a kiss from his lover. 

Quill let out a small gasp as pleasure jolted down his spine. His hand instinctively shot out for Thor’s, needing something to hold on to in the pleasure Thor’s rumble sent through him.  “Ah…! T-thor…!” 

Thor chuckled.  He nuzzled his face to Quill’s cheek as he purred, “Are you thinking of me, Peter?  I still think of  _ you,  _ baby~  When you are fast asleep and resting peacefully…  I fantasise of you…”

Quill moaned now,  _ loudly,  _ at the images Thor put into his mind.  “Fuck…” 

Thor was pleased with the response he was getting, so he continued on a little more boldly.  “Back at our home, when I could not sleep, I would hold you close and thrust into my hand. It felt so good… to be able to think that I was making love to you…” 

Quill paused the video so he could drop his phone to his bed and drag Thor into a deep kiss.  He whimpered in pleasure when he felt Thor clamber on top of him, and his hands shot out to curl his fingers painfully tight around his lover’s huge biceps.  “Ah… P-please… Just fuck me, man…” 

Thor didn’t respond verbally; he kissed and sucked his way around Quill’s throat as he pressed their arousals together.  He grunted and pulled away when he felt Quill buck his hips upwards against him. “Peter, I will not be able to resist if this goes any further…” 

Quill bucked his hips again, this time on purpose.  He sucked on Thor’s lower lip before he husked, “Just do it.   _ Fuck. Me~”  _

Thor growled.  He rolled them around so that he laid on his back and Quill sat on his thighs.  He tugged at Quill’s shirt impatiently; after so long of remaining celibate with only his hand to sate him, he wasn’t in any mood to take his time - in fact, now that he finally had Quill beneath his hands again, he was trying to understand how exactly he hadn’t ravished his lover by now.  His husk was low, almost deadly with just how lustful he was, but Quill still felt safe; Thor’s tone only made him harder at the prospects awaiting. “There is no going back when you tell me to  _ fuck _ , Peter~  Last chance~” 

“Don’t fuckin’ pretend I need chances when I’ve had your  _ dick _ in my mouth before, man…” Quill grunted out.   

Thor chuckled.  He tore his own shirt from his body hastily as Quill worked on removing his own boxers and then Thor’s dress pants.  The bed squeaked relentlessly with every movement, but neither of them cared; all that mattered in the moment was  _ them _ .  “I feel it is appropriate; you know how I am when I… get  _ too excited _ ~” 

“Oh, shit…” Quill moaned loudly at the suggestive words that had just been spoken.  He reached down to wrap his hand around his cock and squeeze. His glassy eyes locked on Thor’s.  Daringly, he murmured, “Maybe I  _ want  _ you to lose control.” 

The growl that rumbled from Thor’s chest could have been mistaken for a hungry lion.  He reached up and grabbed the back of Quill’s head to drag him down for a kiss. Their lips smashed together as Thor’s tongue parted Quill’s lips, forcefully, but never failing to treat him with all the gentleness he deserved.  

Quill moaned into the kiss when he felt fingertips rubbing against his entrance.  He pressed back into them, trying to encourage them to enter him. He gave a frustrated groan when he felt the fingers retreat. 

Thor laughed.  He kissed Quill’s forehead before he murmured, “Patience…  I will never enter you dryly - even with fingers.” 

Quill knew how lucky he was to have Thor.  He’d been with other men - and even some women - who hadn’t had much care for Quill’s comfort and pleasure, yet Thor had  _ never  _ failed to prioritise Quill whenever they slept together. 

Thor leant across to open the bedside drawers.  He rummaged around blindly before he smirked playfully.  “Are these condoms I feel?” 

Quill’s cheeks flushed.  He looked away. “W-who cares?  Hurry up and fuck me!” 

Thor’s fingers closed around what he suspected was a bottle of lube.  His smirk widened. “Who have you taken to bed you require condoms with, Peter~?  Did it feel good for you~?” 

Quill huffed.  He wriggled his hips impatiently.  “G… Gamora… S-shut up - I wanna fuck with  _ you _ , man!” 

Thor smiled pleasantly.  He uncapped the lube as he murmured, “You enjoy women very much, don’t you, Peter~?  They feel very good to be with~ I know; I have been with them, too - but I much prefer to be with  _ you,  _ Peter~  You make my heart feel good, too~” 

Quill kissed Thor again.  When they broke apart, he whispered, “Yeah…?  You’re the only  _ person _ I’ve ever allowed on top of me…  Take from it what you will…”

Thor nuzzled his nose into Quill’s throat. He nibbled at his lover’s Adam’s apple before he murmured, “You are the only lover I have had I have loved enough to  _ want  _ to make love to…  I have never been able to love anyone else the way I love  _ you _ , Peter.”

Quill smiled.  Whatever uncertainty and tension that had still been in his mind and body vanished now, and for the first time since he’d felt the urge to get himself off, he felt  _ sure  _ of himself and what he wanted.  He caressed Thor’s chin as he whispered, “Even when you fuck me, you are still so gentle, man…  You have never hurt me with sex…” 

Thor kissed the tip of Quill’s nose.  “And I never would, sweetheart. Turn around; let me open you up~” 

Quill let out a moan of anticipation as he obeyed.  He turned himself around so his knees rested either side of Thor’s head and leant on his elbows as he waited eagerly.  

“Are you ready~?” Thor’s purr was hot, and as Quill looked at Thor’s twitching cock, he understood why; Thor was so hard, so red and angry and  _ willing,  _ Quill didn’t understand how he’d held himself back so long without ramming impatently inside, preparation or no preparation.

...Or, maybe Quill  _ did  _ understand, and Thor just loved him enough to not want to treat him like the two-dollar whore he was.

...Perhaps… Quill wasn’t even a whore in the first place, and he’d just had it drilled into his head for so long that he was, he hadn’t been able to see past Ego’s words.  

Quill nodded.  He licked his lips as he felt Thor’s fingers grip his cheeks and part him.  His eyes closed as he took a deep breath before he lowered his face and opened his mouth to engulf Thor as deeply as he could.  

Thor let out a loud gasp of surprise.  Of everything he had expected, it wasn’t to feel a warm mouth swallowing him down whole, as if Quill was  _ built  _ to take him into his mouth.  He reached out to tangle his fingers in his lover’s soft hair so he could murmur, “Suck just a little harder, baby…  Ahh, that’s it… Yes…” 

Quill  _ loved  _ Thor.  So fucking much.  So many other guys he’d been with had pressured him into oral sex, or simply squeezed his jaws to keep his mouth open so they could use it.  But not Thor. Thor  _ asked _ , but he never  _ expected _ , and he didn’t  _ care  _ that Quill wasn’t a pro at giving blowjobs; he encouraged, and he  _ taught _ , but he never  _ forced _ .  

“So good, sweetheart…” Thor let out a pleased sigh as he spread his legs wider.  “Just a bit deeper, please…? If you can… Do not force it; this is okay…”

Quill hummed in response.  He didn’t realise the pleasure shocks the action sent down Thor’s spine; he only knew Thor was enjoying his ministrations enough to buck his hips upward in search of friction.  

“That’s it, baby…” Thor whispered.  He turned his attention back to Quill’s rear so he could rub his thumb around the opening to encourage it to open.  “Let me take care of you now… Keep doing what you are doing…” 

Thor pulled his thumb away so he could instead poke at the entrance with his tongue.  He pushed inside, slowly at first so Quill could get used to the intrusion, until he got it as deep as he possibly could.  He flicked his tongue back and forth, bobbing his head up and down to open Quill up more. 

Quill whimpered around Thor’s arousal.  He felt drool slip past his lips and down onto Thor’s sac, but he didn’t care; his eyes watered from the pleasure he’d thought he might never want again.  

Thor pulled his tongue out so he could get the lube bottle and coat his fingers generously.  Quill pulled his mouth away from Thor’s cock so he could watch as Thor’s fingers slipped inside him.  He groaned softly; he loved that, despite Thor’s fingers alone being too big for him, Thor knew just how to enter him and  _ stretch  _ him without causing any pain.  He didn’t care that Thor had mastered his love-making skills through so many different partners; Thor had chosen  _ him  _ to settle down with and  _ love _ , and now  _ Quill  _ was reaping the benefits.

“Fuck, man…” Quill closed his eyes when he felt Thor lay him on his side so Thor could kneel over him and bite from his neck down to his hip.  He sucked and licked as he went along, marking Quill possessively and not caring if anyone were to see them. “I forgot… just how big your fingers are…” 

Thor chuckled.  “You feel so full, don’t you?  So full… And I am not even inside you yet.” 

“Hurry up and get in!” Quill gasped out when he felt his sweet spot being prodded.  “Fuck me already! O-or I’m g-gonna fuck myself!” 

Thor growled again and quickened the pace his fingers were thrusting at.  “As much as I love to watch you use toys on yourself and  _ finger  _ yourself…  I would much rather be the one to do it today.” 

“Then do it,” Quill challenged.  “F-fuck me so hard, I won’t walk again for a week…” 

Thor bit down on the side of Quill’s neck with so much force, the skin broke.  He lapped up the droplets of blood before he hissed, “Be careful what you wish for…” 

Thor pulled his fingers out so he could lube his cock instead.  He smirked at the way Quill’s fingers had wrapped around the base of his arousal, stroking ever slowly as he watched the oil spill all over Thor’s cock. 

Thor leant down to roll Quill onto his back.  He slid a pillow under his hips as he purred, “Perhaps we should use some of those condoms or they will go to waste~”

Quill laughed.  He smacked Thor’s shoulder playfully.  “Shut up. I’m not a girl.” 

Thor slid himself inside.  He paid careful attention to Quill and his body language to gauge how well physically and emotionally he was taking this, but to his relief, Quill was relaxed and not pained by the intrusion.  He waited a few minutes for his lover to adjust before he growled, “When you tell me to go hard… You will not walk for a  _ year _ .” 

Quill gave back a challenging stare.  “ _ Do it _ .” 

Thor did.  His initial thrust was so hard, so  _ fast,  _ Quill let out a stuttery scream at the onslaught of pleasure.  The bed frame smacked loudly against the wall, and it squeaked as if it were in danger of falling apart.  

“T-thor…!” Quill already couldn’t breathe.  Saliva spilled past his lips in rivers as his eyes watered.  He wrapped his arms so tightly around Thor’s neck as he held on for dear life, his nails left bloody claw marks all over his back with every thrust.  “F-f-f-fuck…! T-thor…!” 

Thor knew Quill’s sexual body language like the back of his hand.  There was no anxiety, no  _ fear  _ in him; just pure, unadulterated lust and pleasure.  He hadn’t fucked like this - not in a long time; perhaps back when he’d still been a teenager and had only just started having sex.  

“You should… probably quieten down…” Thor grunted.  He had one arm hooked under Quill’s hips, and the other clutched tightly to his shoulder to keep his body from sliding around too much.  “Yondu’s home…” 

Quill couldn’t speak past his gasps for breath.  Hell, he could barely even focus on anything but the pleasure.  He slurred something Thor couldn’t understand anyway before he squeezed his eyes shut tight and screamed again.  

Thor’s ragged pants were deafening to his ears, but still, he was conscious of the slamming against the wall and the squeaking that  _ nobody  _ could have mistaken.  He considered slowing down, going gentler for subtly, but the way Quill’s hand had wrapped around himself again and was  _ tugging so erratically  _ made him think twice about doing so - if Quill was enjoying himself so much, he wasn’t going to take that away from him.  

“Peter…” Thor grunted loudly as he grabbed Quill’s legs and threw them over his shoulders so he could pull Quill by the hips closer to him.  His thrusts became even harder,  _ sharper _ , at the new angle, and Quill just couldn’t stop screaming now.  “Peter, I… C-coming…” 

Quill didn’t seem to need the warning as he came first, almost  _ explosively  _ as his scream cut short and he blacked out from the intensity of it.  

Thor waited until he’d caught his breath from his orgasm.  He pulled Quill into his arms and laid them on their sides again so he could thread his fingers through his lover’s hair and wait for him to regain consciousness.  

It took a few moments, but when Quill came back, he gave a deep kiss before he panted out, “T-tired…” 

Thor chuckled.  “Close your eyes.  Go to sleep. I will be here with you.” 

Quill did as he was told, but it wasn’t without his usual mumbling.  “You really gotta work on that whole caretaker complex you have goin’ on, man…” 

Thor chuckled.  “You like my caretaker complex.” 

Quill nodded.  “Yeah… It can stay…” 

Thor kissed Quill’s sweaty forehead.  He considered reaching down to pull the blankets over them, but he thought better; Quill wasn’t usually one to sweat during sex, but now, he looked as if he’d ran a marathon.  

Thor waited until Quill was fast asleep, snoring loudly in his afterglow, before he smiled and kissed Quill’s forehead again.  “Wasn’t that better than porn, Peter~?” 

With that, Thor closed his eyes and joined Quill in sleep.  


	18. Chapter 18

Quill’s eyes snapped open to his bedroom door opening.  His body shivered in fear before he relaxed, remembering where he was and that Ego wasn’t after him.  He ran through the facts in his mind; Thor had come home from work sick, they’d cuddled on the couch for a bit, and then Thor had carried him into the bedroom and made love to him, where they’d fallen asleep after.  

Quill lifted his head from the pillow to see who had come in to his room.  He gave a tired smile to Yondu before he glanced at Thor, finding his lover still fast asleep.  “Hey…” 

Yondu flicked his finger back and forth between Quill and Thor in silent request for Quill to cover them up.  He waited until Quill had dragged the blanket over their hips before he whispered, “Can you go do the food shoppin’ today?  I gotta go to work, but we’re havin’ a work party here tonight.” 

Quill tried to sniff, but his nose felt blocked.  He hoped he wasn’t getting sick, too. “Thor’s sick…” 

“Don’t go right now; see how he feels later,” Yondu assured.  “Let him rest for a while. What’s wrong with him?” 

“He’s seeing the doctor in the evening,” Quill whispered.  He rubbed Thor’s shoulder affectionately. 

Yondu tried to conceal laughter behind a fake cough before he grinned.  “ _ Exerting himself  _ pro’ly ain’t gonna help him, Petey.” 

Quill choked on his saliva at that statement.  He pulled the blankets higher over he and Thor as his cheeks reddened to match that of a tomato.  He looked away and huffed. “S-shut up, man!” 

Yondu laughed heartily.  “Lay back down, boy; get some rest.” 

Thor’s eyes opened as the bedroom door shut behind Yondu.  He hummed before he reached out to wrap his arm around Quill and pull him in close.  “What was that…?” 

“Ah…  Just Yondu…”  Quill snuggled against Thor’s chest so he could rest his head beneath his lover’s chin.  

“Hmm?” Thor kissed Quill’s head as he moved his hand to stroke down Quill’s body.  “What did he want…?” 

“Just for us to do the groceries…  I told him you aren’t feeling well…” 

Thor smiled.  He moved his hand upwards to rub Quill’s cheek with his thumb.  “It is okay; I will still do that for him.” 

“You’re  _ sick,  _ bro…” Quill grabbed Thor’s shoulder to keep him from getting up.  “Where are you going?”

Thor moved Quill’s hand away so he could sit up and reach across to his bedside drawers for his wallet.  “To give him my rent money.” 

Quill wrapped his arms around Thor and rested his chest against the other’s back.  “You know he doesn’t want you paying rent, right?” 

“I know, but I feel uncomfortable to think he would allow me to stay here so long without me paying him back.”  Thor took the three-hundred from his wallet before he looked around for his clothes. 

“So basically, you’ve been renting his  _ couch  _ from him?” Quill snorted.  “You’re an idiot. He wouldn’t care if you didn’t give him anything because you’re my  _ boyfriend _ .  And besides; you give him  _ way  _ too much when you already buy most of the food for us and that’s really all he gives a shit about.” 

Thor shook his head.  “It is for rent, utilities and food.  I feel it is only fair.” 

“Shit, with your one-hour showers, you’re probably onto something.” Quill smiled against Thor’s back.  “ _ I  _ don’t stay in there that long - not even if I’m pulling myself off.” 

Thor purred.  He turned around to stroke his fingers down the small of Quill’s back.  “We need to start showering together again~”

“Hmm?  You have such a dirty mind.” Quill’s playful smile betrayed his annoyed tone.  

“You encourage it.  You  _ like  _ it when I talk dirty to you~” Thor leaned in for a kiss.

Quill snorted.  He accepted the kiss before he mumbled, “You’re supposed to be sick.  You just wanted to come home and sleep with me.” 

Thor kissed Quill’s cheek before he stood up slowly to try and avoid the lightheadedness he’d been enduring for the day.  “Maybe I am just lovesick.” 

Quill’s cheeks flushed again.  He looked down and fidgeted nervously before he mumbled, “Back when I couldn’t remember much…  I didn’t remember  _ you  _ very well…  And, like… I have everything back  _ now,  _ but…  I’m kind of  _ glad  _ I had to get to know you all over again…” 

“Oh?” Thor stood where he was, waiting patiently for Quill to get his thoughts out.  

“I mean…” Quill chewed at his lip.  “...I… I  _ loved  _ you, man…  But not remembering you - not remembering  _ how fucking much you loved me _ …  You’ve helped me with so much - stuff that Ego had stuck in my head, I…  I found it easier to  _ believe you _ because… even  _ Ego  _ wasn’t occupying much room in my head anymore…  The shit he told me, I… I didn’t remember being told it all so much…  It hadn’t  _ stuck  _ with me the way it had before...” 

Thor sat on the edge of the bed so he could pull his boxers back on.  He absorbed every word Quill spoke like a wet sponge. “...” 

Quill’s hands fumbled together, more nervous now that he was getting to the point.  “...I just… You really helped me with my self-esteem, and I… I’m really happy because I…  I got to fall in love with you all over again…” 

Thor leant in to kiss Quill so tenderly, there was nothing but them in that moment.  When they broke apart, Thor rested their foreheads together so he could whisper, “I will  _ never  _ give up on you, Peter, whether it be your self-esteem, or happiness, or your  _ memories  _ of me.  You already know just how in love with you I am…  But I would tell you over and over every day if I could…” 

Quill smiled.  He nibbled at Thor’s earlobe before he, too, stood up to find his clothing.  “I wanna shower before we do anything…” 

“I know what I want to do, but it is not to shower.” Thor winked, and his smile widened at Quill’s embarrassed flush.  “No, sweetheart, do not think such dirty thoughts~ I want a massage~ I hear there is a very good massage parlour that has just opened up and I -” 

Quill’s hand shot out to grab Thor by the forearm and drag him onto the bed.  As flushed as he still was, there was a possessive tone in his voice as he stuttered, “L-lay down;  _ I  _ will massage you.” 

“Will it be too much on your fingers?” 

“Nope.”  As if to prove his point, Quill flicked Thor’s bottom.  He relaxed at how happy and content Thor looked beneath him, so he murmured, “Gamora said she’s having a party tonight, and she wanted to know if we would come.” 

“I will see how I feel, but it would be great to see you go on your own if I cannot accompany you,” Thor said softly.  He rolled over and caressed his lover’s face before he smiled again. “I know it would make you happy to see your friends.”

Quill nodded.  He waited until Thor had settled himself on his front again before he continued his massage.  “I might go… She said I can bring Cosmo if I need…” 

“You will enjoy yourself,” Thor promised.  “I know you will.” 

Quill nodded.  “I will think about it…” 

Deep down, they both knew Quill would go to the party.

* * *

 

“Are you happy to wait or will you come back?” 

Thor smiled at the pharmacist who had taken his script.  He looked at Quill by his side, seeing how tired he looked, before he turned back to the woman and murmured, “We will come back.  ...In about an hour or so. Thank you.” 

Thor squeezed Quill’s hand as they turned around to leave.  He kissed Quill’s head before he murmured, “You look like you are going to fall asleep.” 

Quill yawned.  “I feel like it.  Can we get the food shopping out of the way first?” 

Thor nodded.  “And then we will eat lunch.  Okay?” 

“Sure…”

Quill didn’t mind following Thor around as they did the groceries.  He had Cosmo with him, and that made it easier for him emotionally - but as long as Thor stayed with him, Quill was sure he’d be okay.

By the time they’d finished, they were waiting to check out with a shopping cart filled to the brim. It was crowded in the store, so Quill stuck extra close to Thor as Cosmo stood out at a distance to keep people from getting too close to him. 

“Hey, are there any pop tarts at home?” Quill picked at his sleeve nervously as he waited for Thor to respond. 

Thor hummed. “I do not think so. Will you run and grab some?” 

Quill felt his mouth go dry when he looked back and saw just how many people he would need to push past to go back and grab them.  He looked at Thor with wide eyes and shook his head. 

Thor understood. He allowed Quill to press against his side for comfort, and with a kiss to his lover’s temple, he murmured, “We will pay for all this and then I will go back in to get them.” 

Quill nodded. He held his breath until they’d made their way to the self-serve checkout, but it didn’t do much for his nerves; no matter where he stood, he still felt claustrophobic. 

Thor sensed it, so he moved away from the register to manoeuvre Quill there instead. He shifted the shopping cart so it was blocking Quill’s side and back off, and he took the place of standing between Quill and the other customer next to them.  “You scan; I will bag, Peter.” 

Quill was grateful for the change.  His heart continued to race until they’d left the store and he was waiting in a quiet corner alone for Thor to get pop tarts.  When Thor returned, he slipped his hand into his. “What’s for lunch? Are you feeling well enough to eat?” 

Thor nodded.  It was a bad ear infection that had had him feeling like he was going to faint at work, but he’d felt a bit better after getting some sleep earlier.  “I would like roast chicken and some vegetables.” 

“Cool.  I might get the same,” Quill agreed.  He followed happily as they made their way to the food court. 

The food court was busier than the supermarket had been, but that had been solved by Thor sitting Quill down at a table and blocking him in with the shopping cart and Cosmo again.  “I will be back in a moment, Peter.” 

Quill didn’t wait long. He’d entertained himself with his phone, but as promised, Thor returned within minutes. He wasn’t alone, though; somehow, Thor had come back with Tony in his company. 

“Hey.” Quill slipped his phone back into his pocket. “Where’d you come from?” 

Tony took a seat opposite Quill to give him space. “I’m here with Banner; he’s still ordering.  I didn’t expect to see you here, either.” 

“Thor’s sick; we’ve been at the doctors, and then we did our food shopping for Yondu.” Quill shifted his chair closer to Thor when his lover sat beside him.  He dropped his head onto Thor’s shoulder and relaxed. 

“I’ve been meaning to come out and see you, Quill.” Tony reached into his pocket to get his phone. He tapped away at it before finally, he pushed it front of Quill and Thor to show them the job advert he’d put out that morning.  “Finance officer. For a while, you won’t make as much as Thor does, but he’s supporting you both easily on his own, and you can work towards buying another house.” 

Thor put his hand on Quill’s knee.  “Peter is nervous to leave his foster father; he may still need some time before we look to move out again.” 

Tony nodded in understanding. “If you want the job, I’ll hire you on the spot, Quill.  You’ll have to deal with people… But I’ll give you your own office where you can be on your own.” 

Quill swallowed thickly.  He looked at his lap for a few moments before he murmured, “I don’t know if I will be any good at it…” 

Thor was prepared to give his spiel on how Quill  _ wasn’t  _ stupid and he needed to have more confidence in himself, but Quill continued. 

“I mean…” Quill chewed at his lip.  “...It’s such a big job… I never expected I would be offered a job in corporate - I don’t even know if my qualifications would  _ get  _ me into corporate…” 

“You and Thor both have the same degree with different majors, and if  _ Thor  _ is enjoying himself working in corporate, I’m sure you’re going to be just fine,” Tony assured.  “Give it a try; you’re  _ great  _ with numbers, kid.  If you don’t feel you’re good at it, I could use another accountant - and I’d even be willing to pay for you to go back to school if you need to.” 

Quill hummed. He glanced at Thor before he murmured, “I  _ am  _ good with numbers, Stark…  I  _ know  _ I am…  But I can’t…  _ read _ …” 

“I was already aware of that when I considered you for the job,” Tony said softly.  “You  _ aren’t  _ stupid - you’ve proven that to me on many occasions.  You can  _ learn _ .  Besides; it’s my  _ job  _ to make sure all my employees are doing okay - all you need to do is bring your work to Pepper or I and ask us what you need help with.  I’m willing to compromise for you, no matter how busy I already am with the company; you’re a really good kid, and you deserve a good life.” 

Thor wrapped his arm around Quill’s shoulders. “Thank you so much for being so kind to him, Stark.” 

Tony nodded. “As I said, Point Break; he’s a good kid.”

“Okay…” Quill took a deep breath.  “Can I… have a trial period…?” 

“Yeah, sure,” Tony promised.  “Can you start tomorrow?” 

“I have a cold, but I will come…” Quill mumbled.  “Just… make sure you explain to me clearly; I’ll be nervous as fuck, man…”

“I’ll be gentle with you.” Tony winked and smiled at Quill, and he was glad he earned a laugh from both his friends.  “Okay, good talk. I’ve gotta go find Banner before he gets himself lost. Come to work a little before eight, okay?” 

“Thanks, man…”  Quill smiled. He cuddled in against Thor as he let out a relieved sigh as he watched Tony leave.  “He is too kind to me…”

“Of course he is; you are his friend, and he cares about you,” Thor reminded.  “Clearly you are special; he would not even give Loki or Peter a job like that straight away. He told them they can do an internship, and they will get jobs when they finish their study.  He did not even give  _ me  _ a job, Peter; he got me a job elsewhere.” 

Quill laughed.  His eyes looked brighter than usual as he joked, “He likes me most.  I always knew everyone secretly loved me.”

Thor chuckled.  “It is good to see you with more confidence, Peter.  I thought you were going to put yourself down again and tell us you are silly.” 

Quill shook his head.  “Nah, man. ...I still… have trouble sometimes…  Sometimes it’s hard to have a good opinion on myself after so many years of  _ hating  _ myself…  But I  _ know  _ I’m smart -  _ Ego  _ was the jealous bastard who didn’t like how far I’d gotten without him…  So he had to break me down and make me think I’m not worth anything… Make me think I’m  _ crazy _ ...” 

Thor smiled.  “You have come  _ very  _ far and he cannot take  _ any  _ of the credit.  I love you, Peter~”

“I love you, too, man…” Quill whispered.  He wanted to kiss Thor, but that could wait until they got home; he could see their meals being brought out to them, and it was then he realised how hungry he was.  “Did you get any drinks?” 

“Oh, no, I forgot.” Thor sighed. He went to stand up, but Quill beat him to it.  “No, it is okay, Peter; I will get the drinks.” 

Quill shook his head.  His voice shook, but Thor could see just how much Quill wanted to do this. “I got it… I got Cosmo with me… And you already do everything for me, dude.  You gotta lay off a bit.” 

Thor laughed loudly.  “I will take that advice when you come to me and tell me in  _ seriousness _ .” 

A smile broke out on Quill’s face.  “Seriously though - you’re  _ sick _ .  Let me look after you for once.” 

Thor purred at that idea.  It usually was Thor taking care of Quill, but he wouldn’t mind the tables turning for once.  Perhaps he should get sick more often if he would be babied as much as Quill was. “That is an idea I will enjoy, Peter~” 

It was Quill’s turn to laugh.  “Thanks, babe, but I’m not rubbing your feet for you, so get that idea out of your head.” 

“What if I rubbed your feet for you?  Would you return the favour?” 

“Eww, no; feet are gross!” All the tension left Quill’s body language as his smile widened.  “What drink do you want, babe?” 

“Surprise me~” Thor purred as he passed over his credit card.  

“Spoiled milk it is!” Quill undid Cosmo’s leash from the chair leg so he could take the service dog with him to part his way through the hordes of people.  

Thor watched him go.  He couldn’t help but smile; Quill was coming so far, and with Ego forever out of the picture, he truly hoped there wouldn’t be anything that would set Quill back like  _ Ego  _ had.  

Quill was beautiful in every way that mattered; body, heart, mind and soul, and Thor knew he deserved all the happiness in the world.  Thor wanted to give him that; to give him every little bit of joy and contentment he possibly could just so Quill would never cry again.  Quill had cried enough in his life; he’d suffered so much, Thor never wanted him to so much as stub his  _ toe _ .  

But Thor knew that wasn’t possible. Life was painful - so damned painful - and the only thing Thor could do was be there to hold Quill when his tears would eventually fall again and then do his best to put a smile on his face. 


End file.
